24 [Episode 7]

Huge plans for a teenager anyone would think. Sara wasn’t a regular teenager thou... As years passed she probably forgot or just put to sleep the crazy thoughts from that day. With the money her parents left her she bought her own apartment, a 1 room flat with bathroom and kitchen. Not too small, not too big, just her own little place she called home. And indeed, it was her home. She painted the walls in a warm cream-color, bought just a few pieces of furniture: a bed obviously, a dresser and a small table where she would put her cups of coffee, cigarettes and the ashtray. Only one painting was hanging on the wall and even if the ones that saw it judged it cool but weird or simply crazy, the picture symbolized a lot of things for Sara, even if it was just a simple sign with a quote below: “Do what thou wilt!” It was the sign of anarchy, the sign that she tattooed at a certain point on her back. It symbolized all the things that she lost, all the pain she went through, all the delusions, all the lies, all the perfect moments, tears, laughs, strength and weakness, energy and ambition. Whenever she would see it in the mirror she would know that she has a purpose in life and she would remember where she came from.
The kitchen was plain simple with a two persons table, a fridge, an oven, a microwave oven, a toaster, a coffee maker, a few jars with sugar, coffee, spices and right next to them the tableware. Sara rarely cooked but she liked to have all those things there, it made her feel normal. Her entire place was smelling like tobacco but she didn’t mind, she was a hardcore smoker after all. The bathroom was probably the flat’s darkest room because Sara enjoyed watching herself in the mirror a lot. The sad part about mirrors is that when one looks at them long enough they can see itself just as one is. When Sara was looking in the mirror with her eyes opened she would sometimes see a strong woman that went through more than anyone yet survived, but sometimes she would just see a social retard, a weak being that has a real problem, that has no reasons to live. She often cried out her soul in the bathroom, she even stood with a razorblade in her right hand thinking to cut open her wrist hoping that everything will end this way, that the pain would disappear, that she’d escape this stupid world. But she never had the guts to do it because whenever she was right on the edge her mum’s voice would echo loudly in her head: “Don’t you give up! Stand up, stop crying!” and she’d throw the razorblade away, wash her face and screamed. Screams of power, rage and courage, that’s what Sara considered they were.
She was almost 25 now. 7 years passed since she left the church, since she decided to deny God and faith and to start her own religion. It was the right choice and she had no regrets now, she accepted that period of her life as an episode of the story about finding herself. Her hair was still bloody red as she painted it that day and it made a strong contrast with her blue eyes. She had a messy hairstyle with a curl hanging down her face covering the one sign that always remembered her of darkness: the scar she stamped herself with lots of years ago. She tried letting it on display but it only accentuated her weirdo look, people always starring at it while she was in public. Tattoos also became one of her favorite things because they involved pain and she loved feeling at least pain than nothing at all. Her right hand was totally covered with tattoos, all of them linking together but with apparently no sense at all. It symbolized her personal chaos and as her friends well knew, Sara could explain the order and the links. On her back, besides the large anarchy symbol she also had a swastika and a few more symbols linking to reincarnation, immortality and good luck. Her legs were both “on flames” from the ankle up to the knee. These were the ones that she wasn’t proud of. First of all she had them done at rage, when she was not sober and dreaming. It was one of those “I bet you don’t have the guts to do it!” moments when she left herself influenced by her stupid friends.
Having her own money, lots of them even, Sara never had to work. She lived in a cyclic Saturday where she would go to bed or not, where she would drink as much as she could stand without going over the edge, do drugs, have fun, visit stupid places that seemed cool. All in all, in 2 years she almost spent 3 quarters of the money on nothing much. She bought a lot of clothes, shoes, hats, jewels and stuff like that but more she just threw away on alcohol, smokes, drugs, buying drinks for her friends, junk food, fancy dinners in places she knew she didn’t belong, and a car that later on she abandoned after running out of gas. One night she said it should all stop here. She sometimes felt used by her friends that would call inviting her to parties or just to go out for a drink and then when the bill came they would start saying they have no money at all, so she paid. At a certain point she got so fed up that she simply refused to go out with them. So she stood at home, in bed, with the laptop on her legs surfing the internet. Sara felt the need to talk with someone, even a stranger, she felt the need to let go of some of the rage she felt at the moment. So she found a simple website that required registration, following which you could randomly talk with a stranger from all over the world. “This is awesome! Just what I was looking for!” she thought as she completed the spaces required for the registration. RedAnarchy was her nickname and shortly after she completed the sign up process she was assigned a so called buddy to chat with. They said hello to each other and started talking. And they talked for hours and hours, they both laughed, exchanged funny stories, talked about the moments when they both felt the need to commit suicide, about the moments when love shone in their hearts – Sara preferred to lie here, she never knew true love - or about bad dates. It was amazing!
-I simply don’t understand how from all the people in the world, this stupid computer assigned you to me! Said Sara blushing a little.
-Me neither but I damn glad it happened! What’s your real name?
-Sara. What’s yours?
-David.
A few moments of awkward silence because they both realized that they would love to talk again, especially now when they weren’t just two strangers talking on the internet. They knew each other a little bit, they knew their real life names.
-Nice to meet you Sara, you’re a really cool person!
-Nice to meet you too and I am also glad for this coincidence. You seem like a really nice guy!
-Thanks! Hey, listen, I should head to bed because it’s getting kinda late. How would you like to talk again sometime? We could exchange e-mail addresses or something and keep in touch there.
-Uhm, I don’t know. I already told you that I was used by people before and I find it hard to trust you.
-Sara, I am not a hacker, I barely know how to install my operating system on this computer. C’mon, we would just mail each other whenever we would feel the need to talk about our crazy real life experiences.
-Okay, fine, let’s do it!
-Awesome, it will be just like in “You’ve got mail!”
-Haha, I loved that movie a lot to be honest! Too bad I don’t own a bookstore and have no passion for books whatsoever.
-It’s okay, I’m not Tom Hanks anyway. Haha!
-Okay David. Let’s get to bed, it is kinda late.
-Yep. Sleep tight, talk to you soon I hope!
-Sure thing. Good night David!
And she closed the website with a dumb smile on her face, feeling a million times better, feeling happy. This was the best conversation she ever had, it was all she needed that night, David seemed like the perfect guy for her. Then she groaned and yawned thinking that she would never get the chance to actually meet him, she would never see how he looks like or what color his eyes are. “Maybe he’s a fat guy with acne and glasses for all I know... But still, I can’t wait to talk with him again!” And she closed her eyes smiling and fell asleep like that. When she woke up it was almost 1 in the afternoon and sun invaded her room, making the atmosphere hot. She got out of bed, went to the kitchen and drank a huge glass of milk then she lighted a cigarette. Sara went back to her room and turned the laptop back on. Suddenly her heart started beating faster and that dumb smile came back: she had 1 new e-mail. She quickly opened her e-mail address and clicked on the inbox folder. There it was, 1 new e-mail message from David, her dreamy guy.
“Dear Sara,

Good morning! Rise and shine because it’s a beautiful day! Take a look out of the window and see the Sun smiling just for you, feel its rays embracing you and warming up your heart. Look at the little birds singing, at the flies minding their own business, listen to the music for a little, see its beauty... Just don’t mind the people always being in a rush, they are just running towards death without even knowing it, they have no purpose at all.
Have a great day Sara, you simply found a place in my mind and I thank you for that!

Hugs,
David.”
After reading it she was mesmerized for like 5 minutes, being unable to do anything except puffing her cigarette and looking out of the window. It felt so good that she could do this for an entire eon. But then she remembered that she wasn’t quite a regular person, that she has a dark past, that her future has a deadline and a few action steps that need to be completed; she remembered that she is not one of the people running like freaks towards their death, she has a purpose, she has something to do and it’s not for her own wellbeing but for the world’s. She decided to reply back:
“Dear David,

Thank you very much for everything! You have no idea of how much help you’ve been! Have an awesome day as well and I’ll talk to you soon! I just remembered I have a purpose and that it’s time I get down to business.

Hugs,
Sara.”


To be continued...