3/03/2011

24 [Episode 5]

All those scenes that she faced while a fragile kid left a mark on her, bruised her soul for eternity. Blood, alcohol, violence, trash talks and growing up without a mother made her cold, strong yet fragile. After her father’s violent death she found herself alone, without anyone that could take care of her, provide her a home or daily money for school. She had to take one of the hardest decisions ever back then: being adopted by another family or trying to grow up on her own in an institution for orphans. She had an uncle but he wasn’t in the country anymore so even if the authorities contacted him and managed to explain the situation he simply refused to take Sara under his protective wing. So she was left with only one option: growing up by herself.
Adoption was not an alternative for her because she simply didn’t want to deal with other’s problems again. So she was suggested by one of the social workers responsible for her case to “take the path of God as a nun”. At first it all sounded weird because as a nun she had to be surrounded by other women a lot older than her, in a church, to follow a daily routine, with no TV, no midnight snacks, no fun. Then she gave it a better thought and considered that she could use the time off to contemplate a little on her life and her future. Nevertheless a girl her age should never be put in this situation because her life experience is not at all wide enough to handle decisions like this. But Sara managed somehow; she didn’t crack, she never shed a tear but also she never smiled for a couple of years. Deep inside her, rage was dominating everything so she even stopped interacting with the other nuns for a while. She was following the daily routines and the work she was assigned but in complete silence, like she had taken a vow to never open her mouth. In her mind on the other hand a smaller Sara was the most talkative person alive. “The other me” as she called her thoughts, was judging everything, doubting everything and most of the time saying bad words about everyone. Sara kept screaming “Silence! Shut up! Don’t ever say that again!” but apparently it had no use. So she eventually surrendered to her thoughts and started talking again. This was a huge surprise for all the nuns because ever since she came there Sara didn’t say much and never spoke about herself with anyone. Nevertheless, all the nuns had faith in her and figured out that she needs a little bit of time to find herself after the horrors she had been through, so they kept saluting her and asking her different questions during the day, questions which Sara always answered with her body.
Until one day when one of the nuns met Sara early in the morning on the hallway leading to the kitchen:
-Good morning Sara!
-Good morning to you as well! What a beautiful day, isn’t it? Said Sara smiling with a strange warmth in her eyes.
The nun was so amazed that she just froze there without saying anything else, just watching as the girl continued her walk to the kitchen. Then she got out of the petrified state and ran telling everybody that Sara started speaking and that she was all joyful and happy. They all considered that their prayers have been listened and that God helped Sara find her way.
And so it was. Sara became one of the most talkative persons from the church, she started singing in the chorus, started going to the nearest town for supplies, started doing things as if nothing bad ever happened to her. It was a little bit weird for all the nuns because they just couldn’t understand how Sara had the power to burry everything behind her but seeing her happy was all the mattered. Time passed and Sara grew, she was 18 now, not a girl anymore. Over the years the nuns started to let her act like a real girl, not like a woman that chose the path of God and abstinence, so Sara even dated a few guys from the nearest town. Nothing serious, no love, not even sex but these “relationships” taught her a couple of things about boys.
On the day she turned 18 she decided that it’s time to head out into the world and to try put her plans in action. She stood up all night long and made a few radical changes regarding her looks. She painted her hair bloody red to mark the events that made her who she is today and added another 3 cuts on her right forearm for the three persons she lost until now: her mother, her… “dad, whatever” and herself. She packed her bags and as soon as the sun came up she got dressed just like a boy with a weird smile on her face, took her bags and went in front of the church. She stood there for a few minutes and admired the beautiful construction, all the columns, the painted saints, the environment, the sunrays hitting her face and then she started screaming. She screamed until she felt that her throat will start bleeding, stopped, let go of the bags and took a deep breath. In a few seconds all the nuns were outside staring at her as if she was somebody else, as if the joyful Sara disappeared and now her body was possessed by a demon.
-Sara, what in the name of God Almighty happened to you?
-Good morning! Nothing, I just wanted to make a few changes.
-But why? You were perfect the way you were. What has gotten into you?
-It’s time for me to move on. I felt the need to scream that out loud and I apologies if I scared you. In these years that passed you were everything to me, mothers, fathers, role-models, you all were my family. I love each and every one of you but you all are hypocrites.
-What are you talking about? Who is this girl? What have you done with Sara, the girl that was smiling whenever you passed near hear, the girl that always helped everyone, the good and kind Sara?
-She is still here. Deep inside she is crying for saying this but she has to. I know for a fact that many of you envy me, many of you feel that this is not your place, that you don’t belong here. But still, you lie in front of God everyday, you lie to yourselves every second. Grow some balls and do something about it! There’s a world out there you know? It’s absolutely okay to believe in God but ever since I came here he didn’t even listened one of my prayers, not even one! And who said that God is a He? Maybe it’s a She…
-He listens to them all Sara, don’t lose your faith because in the end it’s all humans have.
-Lies! All humans have is their life. And if you all decide to waste it here, then I pray to God that your soul will find another human body after the current one can’t sustain you anymore, a body through which you’ll truly live. You are wasting time praying to some painted pieces of wood, kissing some rocks and worshiping something you can’t even touch!
Then Sara picked up her bags, looked to the sky and screamed with all her lungs, holding her eyes closed:
-There is nothing but air up there, air and birds enjoying it. You heard me God? You don’t exist! I, Sara, demand that you do one good thing and shine some light into these women heads and let them go, let them live!
A few of the nuns started crying, a few just raised their hands and put them over their mouths, others started praying to God for Sara’s forgiveness but one of them, the oldest nun started walking towards the girl. While Sara wanted to turn around and say one last thing to the nuns, her left check was instantly electrified. The nun slapped Sara as hard as her father did many years ago and then raised the other hand to slap the other check as well. From nowhere, the girl grabbed the nun’s left hand and was just holding it up.
-You shouldn’t have done that mother! Then Sara slapped the nun with her free hand and gave her a strong push, forcing her to fall down on the concrete. Nobody is allowed to slap me, said Sara smiling with one red check!
Then she picked up her bags and started walking towards the exit. 5 meters away she stopped, turned around and gave the church one last look with an evil smile on her face:
-Yep, we should do that sometime Sara! It’s about time the world opens its eyes and starts to live. Thank you mothers for opening my eyes! Kisses and hugs, love you all!
-I hope God will forgive you for this, said the nun lying on the concrete!
-Ya, ya, ya whatever! I am just like God, I am my universe, I am my own Lord, I am the only one that can decide which path my life takes. Buh-bye now! Ha-ha-ha-ha, said Sara as she kept walking towards the trail that led to the nearest town!


To be continued...

Un comentariu:

  1. Wow,She's evil >:) I loved the way you made her hair:> .But let's get down to business :D I find it strange that even though she spend so much time as a nun she could be so fake and let everyone believe she's this kind person when she's the exact opposite. I love her,really.:) I'm such a fan of masterpiece minds who could deceive with their looks. Loved this chapter,it seems like the plot it's evolving. More interesting by each chapter. You made me curious for what's next:D Keep up the good work

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