24 [Episode 6]

People always do radical changes but most of the time because they aren’t satisfied with their current life or jobs. In Sara’s case the change she did had more than just one reason, and none of them had anything to do with satisfaction or job.
People are strange and they have different ways through which they can let go of one thing. Sara at that church learned so many things that she simply started to love it. She really loved all the nuns, the structure itself, the chickens, the green grass, the trees, everything. She felt safe and comfortable there and she quickly knew that it would be hard, maybe even impossible to ever leave that place. “They brain washed you!” little Sara used to whisper in her mind. “If I’ll ever want to leave this place I need to make it brutal and quick, I just have to go for it and do everything I can to know that I am not welcome here anymore” she decided one night. “This is the only way I will ever be able to leave my mothers behind, by hurting them. Of course it will hurt me even more, I will cry with my entire soul, but it’s a price I must pay.” Sara also had tons of rage that instead of letting out, she buried deep inside so she had to scream that day, she had to scream her rage out loud. “Rage may make me powerful but it makes me irrational as well, it has to go before I walk on this new road.”
Second of all, in the last two years at the church she started to doubt the existence of God more and more. She read the Holly Bible three times but she was never convinced. She heard stories about miracles that God made, about diseases cured “by the power of God” and about people that served God for their entire lives, the divinity granting their bodies “immortality”. Nevertheless there were too many things that must be like that just because God said so, too many routines, too many prayers, too many restrictions, too many traditions and too much isolation. “God, if you really are up there, could you please give me a sign? I could really use it right now!” Sara kept saying during the cold and lonely night when she couldn’t sleep. Nothing ever happened. After a while she thought that maybe there’s no sign because she is selfish and keeps praying for personal things. She changed the tactic and for 3 long months she prayed for one of the sick kids in the nearest town; keeping all traditions accordingly to the nuns, doing everything right, being honest and pure. Nothing, the kid died eventually. There was just too little justice around her to believe that God is deciding all of this, and the way He was taking decisions sucked big time in Sara’s eyes. “Why didn’t you let the little boy live? He was only 5 years old! You should have taken the old drunk instead, he has no purpose anymore, he just sits there all day long wasting his life.” Eventually, her faith died and she decided to deny God’s existence so she started doing things that regular girls her age do. No more tradition, no more abstinence, enough with the sins and the “please forgive me God!”. She was everything and she was doing everything for herself, answering to no one, requesting help from no one. The change became inevitable.
Still, she felt that she couldn’t leave that place. Leaving the church would mean starting from scratch with nothing at all; no money, no friends, no place to stay, no place to eat, absolutely nothing. Then, 2 days before her 18th birthday she received a letter from the social worker that years ago took care of her and brought her to this place:
“Dear Sara,

We haven’t talked for too long. I really hope everything is okay there, that you are happy and that you feel just like home. I am sending you my warmest wishes and I have one of the best news that you will ever receive.
Sometimes, people decide to make a will before they die and spread their things between the ones that remain alive. As far as I know your mother died when you were born and your father when you had the age of 10. Well, ever since you were a baby they started depositing money into a secret bank account that will remain hidden until you reach the age of 18, which is two days from now. I have no idea where do the money come from and they are untraceable but I can tell you that the sum is pretty decent. These money were supposed, I presume, to assure your faculty studies but as the years passed and so many things changed, they grew in that account as if they made babies. The sum your parents added 18 years ago was so small that you could blew it off in 2 months but now the sum is… Oh well, huge. You’re a millionaire!
The thing is that there’s a clause in the will that if you don’t claim the money in 5 days after turning 18, 60% will go to your uncle and 40% will be automatically donated to a church. My advice to you is to come and cash in the money as soon as possible because your parents wanted you to have them, not somebody else. Also you could do so many things with them, you can’t even imagine.
I think it’s time for you to step back into the world, it’s time for you to live!

Best of wishes and I am looking forward to see you!”
After reading it Sara found herself in the biggest state of confusion ever. How come her “dad, whatever” never mentioned this? How was she supposed to just forget anything and go back into the world without even a scar? Money can’t erase all her nightmares and the pain…
She had been torn apart for a few days by doubt. On one hand she felt comfortable and safe there but deep inside she knew that wasn’t her place, she felt that there are other things that she should do, other roads to be walked. Thankfully, the quiet at the church allowed her to think clearly and to make a plan. “I hope I won’t regret anything because at the moment everything makes a lot of sense in my head. This feels right although I wish my mothers wouldn’t have reacted this way. I am proud I was able to suppress my tears...” thought Sara now as she was walking down the trail leading to the town. She had been down this road for many times to get groceries for the nuns and she always hated it because the woods were always taking a creepy appearance. The way the sunrays were projected on the ground through the old trees and the torn apart branches was sometimes just like a horror movie scene; she hated horror movies. But now it wasn’t so scary, as if she grew up and now knows that there are no hidden monsters and nobody waiting for her in the bushes. “When I get in town I’ll grab some food for the road and get a train to my hometown. I’ll cash in the money, buy an apartment and start my mission. I don’t need anyone for this and the fact that I will do everything alone, with no interactions, no distractions, will ensure my success. It’s not like I am doing this for myself, the world needs it and apparently I am the person for the job! I’ll just start from down and slowly climb my way up until I get to Rome, there my true test lies and only by succeeding there the world would think again about all the lies surrounding religion.”


To be continued...