Am luat decizia de a mă opri aici cu postatul fabuloasei mele 'cărţi'. 'Riot' continuă dar o face pe caietul, foile şi pe unde mai scriu căci sunt tare împrăştiat.
Totuşi blog-ul nu am să-l închid, simt o nevoie ciudată de a-mi exprima sentimentele de furie sau fericire aici. Da, mi se pare un clişeu, nu sunt tocmai sigur că lumea o să citească ce voi scrie, ştiu că mă contrazic, am jurat că nu am să-mi fac blog ca să scriu viziunea mea asupra lumii dar în cele din urmă nu îmi pasă. Dacă mă simt bine făcând asta înseamnă că trebuie să continui să o fac şi o voi face în engleză pentru că mulţi prieteni ce nu sunt români mi-au cerut asta.
Here we go...
Everything seems to be fucked up!
Is it? Seems so. I have no idea why some of us need to go through such a big struggle in order to achieve just a small part of their dreams.
I used the plural form "we" because i would like... No, i WANT to believe that i am not the only one going through this phase. God knows it sucks big time. Going through shity jobs, meeting all sort of rich, ignorant and arrogant bastards that treat you like a small bug on the pavement, sleeping only a couple of hours each night because you are forcing your brain to find one simple solution that will make everything end, that'll bring sunshine on your face again, forcing yourself to smile in certain situations or leaning your head down and saying "yes sir, I apologise". Your plans change constantly because everything is variable and you find out that you depend on so many things. You need an awful amount of courage to quit something that doesn't quite works and start from scratch. Beside the guts, you also need to know that once you took that step you will more or less find yourself on your own and that most of the people that used to be your friends will just become random people which say "Hi!" to you from time to time and rarely ask you "Dude, how are? How's things going? Need a hand with that?".
It's true that almost all of us turn to God when facing a hard situation. I have no idea if there's really somebody up there watching over us and if that somebody really listens to our tiny prayer. Just a "God, let it be a good day today!" doesn't quite seem to do the trick. I, personally, believe that religion has absolutely nothing to do with our success or failure. We want something really bad, we gotta fight for it, we gotta make sacrifices, we gotta say no to a shitload of things and maybe, in the end, we gonna be able to achieve a small part of the 'something' that we fought for and then find out that we want a lot more. When the fight is over and we got what we wanted, that thing doesn't quite seem as appealing as it did before, doesn't it? We always need more, we always ask for more, we need new battles our entire life...
I tried a small 'exercise' i read about in a crazy-ass book. The exercise was actually about 'how to be good as a debutant writer' but i thought it applies very well to life. I've found a kick-ass emo song, you know, a deep, meaningful song that makes you think about life, eternity and so on and tried to visualize my entire life till that point. Took me a while to be honest but i saw that the moments when i was truly happy were kinda blurry. The moments when i felt anger, when i did mistakes, when i was in pain were crystal clear. I tried to do this in order to find out where i went wrong and avoid that road in the future- obviously, i couldn't repair my past mistakes. Found them, meditated on them a little and then i realized that there's really no fucking point in this. What exactly do i want to achieve?! Thanks to this amazing exercise my plans changed again...
I love that people say "First change yourself and then change the world!" or "Do something to make things better!" or "It's all up to you!" or "The fate of the Earth lays on our shoulders!" or "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Man, screw that stuff! For once i would like to find someone that will tell me exactly what i gotta do to make things right, a concrete solution. My mind seems to be retarded, i can't find it on my own no matter how much i try... Then again, you think global change can happen so easy?! Do you see that hope? You think that if you raise the awareness of people regarding a huge global problem they will all go "Holly crap! I will do something right now!" ? Hell no! They will all just say "Dude, that's fucked up indeed!" and the next second go back to their habits.
Countless days i've sat after getting off from work in the bus station with the headphones in my ears, without hearing nothing else except the music, and just watched things around me. Like i was out of my body, like i was an alien observing the human race. Everything IS fucked up! Everybody's running towards something. Some have a nice, plain road, others have a country-side one with lots of bumps and then there's the other that instead of a road have an amazingly high mountain to climb and the cliffs never end. To make things even more complicated for the 'climbers' some of the cliffs sometimes break under their weight sending them back to the beginning. "There will be ups and downs" saying Snoop Dogg in one of his songs but sometimes, those 'ups' are just bullshit.
To sum it all up, YES, i wants zupah powaz to fly far away from Earth!!
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Hi,
RăspundețiȘtergereI'm sad that you decided to stop posting the 'Riot' story here. I've read every posted chapter and liked it a lot. However, I'm glad that you finally reached a decision about what you want to do about it (I know that you were undecided about 'Riot's future here) and I really hope that, someday, I will be able to read all of it somewhere (maybe in a book? :) ).
Congratulations for it until now, and good luck from now on.
About the rest of this post... everybody has deep secrets and problems that one has to face alone. You said that it's hard to find solutions to simple problems...
From my experience with difficult problems, I realized that the more thinking I put into finding the best solution, the harder it is to find any solution at all. And my guess is that the first solution that comes to mind is as good as any other alternative.
But even while I realized this, applying it it's too hard, because it's kinda impossible to throw out the window all logic and rationality behind the complicated process of finding solutions, and just go with the first instinct.
On the other hand, I've read somewhere (I have no idea where or when) that "everything is simple. Only we complicate things." So it might really be best to just go with the flow, without any much thought (while also avoiding being reckless).
Once again, good luck! :)
Also, "to sum it all up, YES, i wants zupah powaz to fly far away from Earth!!"
I totally agree on that quote "Everything is simple. Only we complicate things." It's in our nature to like complicated things because, let's face it, wut's easy to get becomes boring. And we all hate getting bored.
RăspundețiȘtergereThere's also another quote i love "Follow your heart! Brains only complicate things." but some things need thinking and planning. Also i used to consider that i shouldn't get stressed by difficult situations because in the end they will turn out just fine but i found out, the hard way, that i was a little bit wrong... Actually, a lil' bit more :)
Thanks for the reply and i promise that i will do my best to achieve this dream of mine, that people will be able to read "Riot" as a real book.
Best of wishes to you as well :)