I am not that bad looking. My blond hair suits just fine with my green eyes and I even have muscles although I never work out. I wonder if she really likes me or if she only acts so sweet with me because of pity. Aw, c’mon, it can’t be pity! Anyway, it’s getting late, I gotta get to school.
My backpack has everything? Hmm... Yep, it’s all set! Sail away Lord Alexander, a great day awaits you!
-Go to school already!
Shut the fuck up Sandra! I am more responsible than you’ll ever be!
-That’s what I’m doing! Die! I gotta cough now. I mean bye!
Man, she’s really doing her best to ruin my days. Even if I realize life hasn’t been that sweet to her either and she’s not doing this on purpose it still annoys me. I would love to share my small joy with her and tell her that a girl likes me and that I like her too – even if it’s only in my imagination. I would love to see her smiling when I tell her I am going to the history Olympiad next month, I would love to see her hugging me when I tell her I am the best kid at history from the entire school, I would love to see her giving me a good night kiss or just wishing me a great day at school. Anyway, maybe it’s better this way, maybe God has bigger things planned for me.
Look at that old lady, she seems so miserable, I can read loneliness in her eyes, I can tell she hasn’t been happy in a while. Wish I could do something about it... Telling her I understand her won’t help too much I think. Oh, I can see the school. Seems I’m the first to arrive, as usual. I don’t get it why all my other classmates love to get to school 5 minutes before the classes start, school is fun! You have the chance to be on your own, away from your parents and their annoying questions or requests, you get to talk with a lot of other kids your age, you get to listen to gossip, to learn stuff ment to make you smarter or stuff about other people. I wonder when will she get here today... I have to admit my heart always skips a heartbeat when I see her and most of the time I just black out, I get lost for words. Her red hair shines like one thousand overheated suns ready to explode, her green eyes cut me open like a hot knife slices through butter and her lips... I wonder if I’ll find the guts to tell her how I feel, I wonder if I’ll be able to kill my fear of being rejected, I wonder if I can trust her.
Here we are Alexander, let’s get the backpack and the jacket off and wait. This is why I love being the first to arrive, all the other kids salute me and I don’t get to bump in anyone on the halls or stand in line to enter the school.
-Good morning Alexander!
-Hey, welcome!
I never talk with that girl but I love the fact that she salutes me everyday.
-What’s up dude?
-‘morning Adi! How are you today?
-Sleepy.
-As usual I’d say.
-Right. You?
-Feeling pretty good actually.
-I can see you got a dumb smile on your face. What’s up with that?
-Ah, nothing much, just feel like smiling today.
-Don’t tell me... Ah, I know now! Ha-ha-ha!
-What? What do you mean?
-C’mon, we both know you’re smiling cuz of her.
-Because of who? Ah, damn it, I can feel myself blushing! How can he read me so easy?
-Right!
-Don’t tell anyone, please!
-I won’t dude.
He is still smiling, that’s an evil smile. I swear I will get mad if he does tell my secret to anyone else!
-Adi?
-Ya.
-Promise me you won’t tell anyone.
-Dude, look at me! Do I look like the person that would do stupid jokes?
-Yes.
-Uhm... You’re right. But stiil, I promise I won’t tell anyone else.
-Thanks.
-There she is!
I... God!
-Hey Livia!
-Oh, hi Alexander! How are you today?
Oh my God! Her smile is so divine! I could watch it for an entire Eon without getting bored, it just fills my heart, it makes me happy!
-I’m awesome!
-I’m so happy to hear that!
-How do you do?
What? How could I ask her that question?! “How do you do?” god, I’m stupid!
-Ha-ha-ha! I feel pretty happy as well actually!
-Livia!
-Daniel! She replied while her eyes filled with joy.
And then I felt like 1 billion arrows kept on stabbing my heart. I felt everything tumbling and crushing around me, I felt my happiness dyeing, I felt like crying. She kissed him...
To be continued...
12/28/2010
Failed attempts at living simple life[part 8]
There’s still rage inside. I’ve managed to overcome the darkest episode of my life but it wasn’t easy at all. I hate lying soooo bad! I got out of the hospital in like 10 days and even thou I could feel my legs I wasn’t quite able to walk again. The doctors prescribed me some walking prostheses and I was just like Robocop... Of course they gave me back to Sandra for I don’t know what reason and since she doesn’t earn enough money to get me some state of the art walking thingies, all I got were some metal bars around my legs held by another metal belt around my waist. They were giving me so much pains that I swore I will never wear them again...
But they were my only chance for a normal life, thanks to those prostheses I was able to go to school and be regular, just like the other kids. More or less, obviously... I never had the chance to tell them exactly what happened and I don’t know why. I should have said it was an epic battle between me and a forty years old man and that both of us got out bruised pretty bad but all I could say is that I went to sleep one night and woke up without being able to move my feet the next morning. They all bought it but what I hate the most is that now they all look at me with pity. And I hate that look! I missed school for almost 2 months, time in which I learned how to walk with the prostheses, I went back to the hospital for therapy and gymnastics and I took a lot of pills. Anyway, I lost a lot and now it was time to recover everything.
Surprisingly with these prostheses I made a friend. His name is Adi, he is 2 months older than me and he seems like a smart kid. He does have parents and even a younger brother which I envy about him but I kinda hate the fact that he doesn’t like history at all. He has all straight A’s at math and phisics but crappy grades at history. Anyway, we’re hanging together after school and we are having a lot of fun and this isn’t a big surprise for me because Adi isn’t quite like all the others and while some may consider him shy I think he’s a good kid to be friends with.
Time is cruel, it never waits for no one. You either seize the moment and live at the maximum, either grow up in despair wishing you would have reacted different here and there. As time passed by and I learned to live with my metal bars, just when I thought things are starting to get better the kids from school started calling me Robocop or Frankenstein. It fucking pisses me off but I guess this was ment to happen. School is not quite a cool place for a kid in love with history, tormented at home and with his little conscience filled with guilt. One day exactly when we finished classes, on the way back home, I was walking along with Adi when we started hearing loud shouts somewhere in the back. The ones making all that noise were four other kids from a different class, kids that had the reputation of being “evil” let’s say. The two of us decided to ignore them and continue our short walk towards my flat. All of a sudden they started throwing rocks at us.
-Cut it out you dumbasses! Adi screamed at them.
When they heard this they started running towards us and as soon as they got close enough they grabbed both me and Adi by the neck and started hitting us with their fists. I gotta say this isn’t quite pleasant but for a reason I still don’t know I can’t remember anything else. I got back to reality when Adi was holding my right arm telling me to stop.
-Dude, it’s enough, they aren’t moving anymore! Good job, you’re hardcore!
-What are you talking about? Let’s get out of here! Hold my backpack so I can run please...
-Okay. Adi replied with a strange look on his face.
We got to my block, climbed up the stairs to Sandra’s apartment and took a small break to catch our breaths. Adi was less tired than me, obviously, he ran without 10 extra kilos attached to his feet.
-Dude, why did we run? You knocked them all out!
-What the hell are you talking about? I am no warrior, neither strong, neither agile... Remember I got the Robocop suit with me?! It was really hard for me to understand what Adi was talking about taking into consideration that I couldn’t remember anything apart the moment when one of the bad kids was holding my head down and hitting me with his knee.
-Alexander, listen closely. You shouted just like King Midas and then you knocked them all out! None of them was able to stop you or hit you! You were moving extremely fast and you were hitting just like a professional fighter! Oh! Not to mention when you kicked that guy’s mouth with your knee and he instantly bursted with blood! That was fucking amazing!!!!
-Adi... I can’t... I can’t remember these episodes… Are you sure you’re not lying to me?
-Dude, c’mon! All I can do is curse and swear and run a lot faster than you... Do you think I could have beaten those four kids with trash talks or that I ran in circles ‘till they all got dizzy and lost their conscience?!
-It can’t be true... I was truly puzzled.
-The odd thing is that when the last one crashed to the ground you were still hitting him like a mad man. I tried to hold you but you looked at me with such anger that even myself got scared and thought imma get punched in the face. But you didn’t hit me and you turned your attention back to that kid and started kicking him. There was something weird in your eyes, something I never saw before. It was like somebody else took control over you, it was like you were a shaman and I don’t know who’s spirit invaded your body giving you uber human strength and zombie eyes...
Then it hit me. I realized what happened and I understood why I could never remember the moments when rage fills my veins. I guess it’s some sort of instinct that takes over, it could be an overdose of adrenalin that instead of making my brain 10 times quicker it shuts everything down and empowers my surviving skills. This could be useful, I would never have to fear anyone again I guess. Then again what freaks me out is that i can't control it...
To be continued...
But they were my only chance for a normal life, thanks to those prostheses I was able to go to school and be regular, just like the other kids. More or less, obviously... I never had the chance to tell them exactly what happened and I don’t know why. I should have said it was an epic battle between me and a forty years old man and that both of us got out bruised pretty bad but all I could say is that I went to sleep one night and woke up without being able to move my feet the next morning. They all bought it but what I hate the most is that now they all look at me with pity. And I hate that look! I missed school for almost 2 months, time in which I learned how to walk with the prostheses, I went back to the hospital for therapy and gymnastics and I took a lot of pills. Anyway, I lost a lot and now it was time to recover everything.
Surprisingly with these prostheses I made a friend. His name is Adi, he is 2 months older than me and he seems like a smart kid. He does have parents and even a younger brother which I envy about him but I kinda hate the fact that he doesn’t like history at all. He has all straight A’s at math and phisics but crappy grades at history. Anyway, we’re hanging together after school and we are having a lot of fun and this isn’t a big surprise for me because Adi isn’t quite like all the others and while some may consider him shy I think he’s a good kid to be friends with.
Time is cruel, it never waits for no one. You either seize the moment and live at the maximum, either grow up in despair wishing you would have reacted different here and there. As time passed by and I learned to live with my metal bars, just when I thought things are starting to get better the kids from school started calling me Robocop or Frankenstein. It fucking pisses me off but I guess this was ment to happen. School is not quite a cool place for a kid in love with history, tormented at home and with his little conscience filled with guilt. One day exactly when we finished classes, on the way back home, I was walking along with Adi when we started hearing loud shouts somewhere in the back. The ones making all that noise were four other kids from a different class, kids that had the reputation of being “evil” let’s say. The two of us decided to ignore them and continue our short walk towards my flat. All of a sudden they started throwing rocks at us.
-Cut it out you dumbasses! Adi screamed at them.
When they heard this they started running towards us and as soon as they got close enough they grabbed both me and Adi by the neck and started hitting us with their fists. I gotta say this isn’t quite pleasant but for a reason I still don’t know I can’t remember anything else. I got back to reality when Adi was holding my right arm telling me to stop.
-Dude, it’s enough, they aren’t moving anymore! Good job, you’re hardcore!
-What are you talking about? Let’s get out of here! Hold my backpack so I can run please...
-Okay. Adi replied with a strange look on his face.
We got to my block, climbed up the stairs to Sandra’s apartment and took a small break to catch our breaths. Adi was less tired than me, obviously, he ran without 10 extra kilos attached to his feet.
-Dude, why did we run? You knocked them all out!
-What the hell are you talking about? I am no warrior, neither strong, neither agile... Remember I got the Robocop suit with me?! It was really hard for me to understand what Adi was talking about taking into consideration that I couldn’t remember anything apart the moment when one of the bad kids was holding my head down and hitting me with his knee.
-Alexander, listen closely. You shouted just like King Midas and then you knocked them all out! None of them was able to stop you or hit you! You were moving extremely fast and you were hitting just like a professional fighter! Oh! Not to mention when you kicked that guy’s mouth with your knee and he instantly bursted with blood! That was fucking amazing!!!!
-Adi... I can’t... I can’t remember these episodes… Are you sure you’re not lying to me?
-Dude, c’mon! All I can do is curse and swear and run a lot faster than you... Do you think I could have beaten those four kids with trash talks or that I ran in circles ‘till they all got dizzy and lost their conscience?!
-It can’t be true... I was truly puzzled.
-The odd thing is that when the last one crashed to the ground you were still hitting him like a mad man. I tried to hold you but you looked at me with such anger that even myself got scared and thought imma get punched in the face. But you didn’t hit me and you turned your attention back to that kid and started kicking him. There was something weird in your eyes, something I never saw before. It was like somebody else took control over you, it was like you were a shaman and I don’t know who’s spirit invaded your body giving you uber human strength and zombie eyes...
Then it hit me. I realized what happened and I understood why I could never remember the moments when rage fills my veins. I guess it’s some sort of instinct that takes over, it could be an overdose of adrenalin that instead of making my brain 10 times quicker it shuts everything down and empowers my surviving skills. This could be useful, I would never have to fear anyone again I guess. Then again what freaks me out is that i can't control it...
To be continued...
12/15/2010
Failed attempts at living simple life[part 7]
I just can’t stand all this noise anymore! It’s really driving me crazy! It’s making me mad, I feel being taken over by rage! It has to stop now! Why the hell did she brought that stupid smelly drunk home tonight? Ever since they arrived all they do is argue and fight, smash things and yell like crazy people… Oh my god, I hope they don’t touch my history books, I hope they don’t have the guts to do that! I will get out of my room right away and tell them to stop, I can’t stand it anymore!
-Stop for God’s sake! All you did ever since you got home was fighting and smashing things and I can’t study, I can’t even watch TV!
Why is that dude looking at me so angry? Why is coming towards me? Does he think I will run? Does he think I am scared!?
I guess I should wake up now, I think it’s morning already, I gotta get ready for school. Ouch! What the hell is wrong with me and where is this pain coming from? I guess I slept bad, let me stretch my legs real quick.
Ouch! What the…
-Sweety, you woke up?
That isn’t Sandra, she doesn’t have such a warm voice and she never called me sweety… Who is this woman? A nurse?!
-do you feel any pain in your legs?
-What… where the hell am i? What happened? How did I get here? Who are you? Where’s Sandra?
-Calm down Alexander, you’re safe now, there’s no reason to get back in that shock you were last night. Calm down sweety. She smiles so warm, as warm as the woman from the school’s office a couple of years ago.
-Screw this! I’m fine, I’m going home! What the hell?! Why can’t I move my feet?
-Because you got hit pretty bad… You see, when you fell, your spine was the point that absorbed all the energy from the impact. The doctor thinks that it will only be temporary, that only a few nerves were bruised and they will recover in time but…
-Ah, so I’ll be fine in no time. I don’t want to skip classes… Wait, what’s with the ‘but’?
-Well, when you hit a human spine that bad there’s always room for complications. In case you can’t feel anything in your legs during the next three days it means that the problem is more serious than we think. You might need surgery and you might…
-Might what? Never walk again? I will kill myself.
-Don’t ever say that again!
-You don’t know me! I have all the right to say that and tons of reasons! Leave me alone, please!
Depression... When I thought that it was all over and I will be able to get over it, here’s another problem in my ‘all perfect life’ that brings it back. Not being able to ever walk again?! That’s literally worse than death itself. Not being able to see at least 1% of the world?! Never, I won’t spend the rest of my life in a wheel chair while all others will look at me with pity, I won’t go through this crappy life without my legs. The sad part is that even if I kill myself I won’t get to see my parents, that I won’t get to taste love, that I won’t get to make Sandra pay for all the bad things she did to me, that I won’t… Wait a minute. How did I get here? The last thing I remember from last night is that drunk dude coming towards me filled with anger. Did he pushed me and I fell so bad? Did I do anything to him before that? I hope so because if I didn’t, dead or alive I will make his life miserable, even more miserable than mine! Life’s a bitch, even a bigger bitch than Sandra!
To be continued...
-Stop for God’s sake! All you did ever since you got home was fighting and smashing things and I can’t study, I can’t even watch TV!
Why is that dude looking at me so angry? Why is coming towards me? Does he think I will run? Does he think I am scared!?
I guess I should wake up now, I think it’s morning already, I gotta get ready for school. Ouch! What the hell is wrong with me and where is this pain coming from? I guess I slept bad, let me stretch my legs real quick.
Ouch! What the…
-Sweety, you woke up?
That isn’t Sandra, she doesn’t have such a warm voice and she never called me sweety… Who is this woman? A nurse?!
-do you feel any pain in your legs?
-What… where the hell am i? What happened? How did I get here? Who are you? Where’s Sandra?
-Calm down Alexander, you’re safe now, there’s no reason to get back in that shock you were last night. Calm down sweety. She smiles so warm, as warm as the woman from the school’s office a couple of years ago.
-Screw this! I’m fine, I’m going home! What the hell?! Why can’t I move my feet?
-Because you got hit pretty bad… You see, when you fell, your spine was the point that absorbed all the energy from the impact. The doctor thinks that it will only be temporary, that only a few nerves were bruised and they will recover in time but…
-Ah, so I’ll be fine in no time. I don’t want to skip classes… Wait, what’s with the ‘but’?
-Well, when you hit a human spine that bad there’s always room for complications. In case you can’t feel anything in your legs during the next three days it means that the problem is more serious than we think. You might need surgery and you might…
-Might what? Never walk again? I will kill myself.
-Don’t ever say that again!
-You don’t know me! I have all the right to say that and tons of reasons! Leave me alone, please!
Depression... When I thought that it was all over and I will be able to get over it, here’s another problem in my ‘all perfect life’ that brings it back. Not being able to ever walk again?! That’s literally worse than death itself. Not being able to see at least 1% of the world?! Never, I won’t spend the rest of my life in a wheel chair while all others will look at me with pity, I won’t go through this crappy life without my legs. The sad part is that even if I kill myself I won’t get to see my parents, that I won’t get to taste love, that I won’t get to make Sandra pay for all the bad things she did to me, that I won’t… Wait a minute. How did I get here? The last thing I remember from last night is that drunk dude coming towards me filled with anger. Did he pushed me and I fell so bad? Did I do anything to him before that? I hope so because if I didn’t, dead or alive I will make his life miserable, even more miserable than mine! Life’s a bitch, even a bigger bitch than Sandra!
To be continued...
12/13/2010
Failed attempts at living simple life[part 6]
How could i ever be normal? How can i act normal? I know that people sometimes fall into a state called depression but i never felt it until now. I had no idea that people can close themselves so much, I had no idea that depression is such a stupid state in which you basically do nothing at all. You just sit and moan about your life all day long refusing to see anything else except the sealing or maybe a beautiful life holding your eyes closed. I am feeling it now and although I totally disagree with this state of mind I can’t get out of it. I hate everything and everyone at this point, I swear I’d be able to kill a bear using all the anger I feel inside… But the thing I hate the most is myself. I hate myself for not having any friends, I hate myself for living this life, I hate myself for trusting that few people that turned out to betray me, I hate myself for coming to life.
Time passes, it never waits for anyone, time’s the most cruel thing that people have. It just passes by you without caring that you’re miserable, it messes with your mind, it runs faster than a cheetah when you’re happy and slower than a turtle when you’re sad. I have to get out of this depression, I have to get my ass out of bed and make a change, I gotta start doing things for me, I gotta be selfish now, I gotta trust myself and nobody else, I gotta make things right. Too bad I’m only 9 at the moment but I swear to God that when I’ll finish school I will do things right for me, I will claim my happiness without waiting for anyone’s help. And Sandra will pay for all the terrible things she brought upon me and she will feel the pain I feel right now and she will suffer 10 times more.
School eventually started. Good thing about my escape was that the authorities made Sandra promise that she’ll sign me up for school and assure all the things I need to go to school. I don’t care how she will get the resources to buy me books and pens, all I care is that she has to. And it makes me feel good, it actually makes me wake up each morning with a silly smile on my face and it warms me in the cold winter mornings. I also gotta admit that school kicks ass! So many kids my age… Sometimes I just feel scared standing in the middle of 200 other kids, sometimes I feel angry when they laugh too loudly or when they make stupid jokes about their shyer classmates, but most of the time I’m just grateful to be somewhere else than ‘home’. The teachers are more or less nice and everything is good until now. I excel at history because I just love it and I read so much about it. The history teacher likes me as well and said that I’m her favorite student and that I should study even more in order to attend the history Olympiad next year. I’m so up for it!
On the other hand I suck at math, numbers just aren’t my thing, I just hate them. The bad part about this thing is that when I’m at home and giving my best to finish the homework for the next day and just can’t figure it out I get so nervous that I blank out. I wake up after a couple of hours with my entire room turned upside down and I just can’t remember what happened… I gotta say that school would be awesome without math… and without bad kids… and without stupid people that piss you off when you get back home… and without sports.
Things at home didn’t change much thou. I am away for like 4-5 hours per day but I can’t say that I see Sandra less. The same crap happens each night when she brings another dude, both of them really drunk. They make so much noise that during some nights I even had the strange desire to grab a bat and hit them in the head with it when they fall asleep. One thing is for sure: Sandra started to have feelings for the guy that gave me money two years ago when I turned 7. I have no idea what love is but from movies I understood that the first symptom of love is not being able to get the other person off of your mind. That’s exactly what happens to Sandra at the moment… Obviously, when she’s drunk she even shows it, she just comes next to me and talks about him for hours. Sometimes she blames him for being a jerk and not loving her but most of the times she only blames me for the fact that he doesn’t show her any attention. I feel sorry for her and I think she realizes that if she loses this guy she’ll be single for the rest of her life, that she won’t ever feel love, that her heart will get frostbitten and stay like this for eternity. She is actually supposed to be all alone and frozen…
What hurts me the most is that even thou I never felt love and it’s not likely for that to happen any time soon, nobody else ever told me that he or she cares about me. Except for the secretary from the school I went that day, nobody else was kind to me… And I can’t say that I still appreciate her kindness, she betrayed me after all, she turned me down. This probably is the main reason for the anger I feel inside, the reason for turning into an animal sometimes, the reason for hating rainbows, the reason for which I have a dark side, a side so evil that it’s scaring me. It’s scaring me because I know of no meaning to tame what’s inside me, I have no control over it and it just takes over whenever it wants. Because of this I have a problem with making friends, with talking to people, with trusting others. I’m in the 2nd grade now and I still have no friend, I only salute everybody when I enter the class then go to my desk, put my headphones in my ears and wait for the teacher to enter so that the class can start. I just can’t stand the way my classmates act, I just can’t stand knowing they’re around me, I can’t stand breathing the same air they do, I can’t stand knowing that at a certain point my eyes will have a glance of their stupidity, I can’t stand knowing that I am way above them mentally but yet I am forced to learn in the same place and at the same level with them. I don’t have any parents, I never pronounced the word ‘mother’ with its true meaning, I never had a single day when I could say I’m the happiest kid on earth but I think that takes me closer to perfection, that makes me indestructible, powerful, wise and out of the ordinary.
Time passes, it never waits for anyone, time’s the most cruel thing that people have. It just passes by you without caring that you’re miserable, it messes with your mind, it runs faster than a cheetah when you’re happy and slower than a turtle when you’re sad. I have to get out of this depression, I have to get my ass out of bed and make a change, I gotta start doing things for me, I gotta be selfish now, I gotta trust myself and nobody else, I gotta make things right. Too bad I’m only 9 at the moment but I swear to God that when I’ll finish school I will do things right for me, I will claim my happiness without waiting for anyone’s help. And Sandra will pay for all the terrible things she brought upon me and she will feel the pain I feel right now and she will suffer 10 times more.
School eventually started. Good thing about my escape was that the authorities made Sandra promise that she’ll sign me up for school and assure all the things I need to go to school. I don’t care how she will get the resources to buy me books and pens, all I care is that she has to. And it makes me feel good, it actually makes me wake up each morning with a silly smile on my face and it warms me in the cold winter mornings. I also gotta admit that school kicks ass! So many kids my age… Sometimes I just feel scared standing in the middle of 200 other kids, sometimes I feel angry when they laugh too loudly or when they make stupid jokes about their shyer classmates, but most of the time I’m just grateful to be somewhere else than ‘home’. The teachers are more or less nice and everything is good until now. I excel at history because I just love it and I read so much about it. The history teacher likes me as well and said that I’m her favorite student and that I should study even more in order to attend the history Olympiad next year. I’m so up for it!
On the other hand I suck at math, numbers just aren’t my thing, I just hate them. The bad part about this thing is that when I’m at home and giving my best to finish the homework for the next day and just can’t figure it out I get so nervous that I blank out. I wake up after a couple of hours with my entire room turned upside down and I just can’t remember what happened… I gotta say that school would be awesome without math… and without bad kids… and without stupid people that piss you off when you get back home… and without sports.
Things at home didn’t change much thou. I am away for like 4-5 hours per day but I can’t say that I see Sandra less. The same crap happens each night when she brings another dude, both of them really drunk. They make so much noise that during some nights I even had the strange desire to grab a bat and hit them in the head with it when they fall asleep. One thing is for sure: Sandra started to have feelings for the guy that gave me money two years ago when I turned 7. I have no idea what love is but from movies I understood that the first symptom of love is not being able to get the other person off of your mind. That’s exactly what happens to Sandra at the moment… Obviously, when she’s drunk she even shows it, she just comes next to me and talks about him for hours. Sometimes she blames him for being a jerk and not loving her but most of the times she only blames me for the fact that he doesn’t show her any attention. I feel sorry for her and I think she realizes that if she loses this guy she’ll be single for the rest of her life, that she won’t ever feel love, that her heart will get frostbitten and stay like this for eternity. She is actually supposed to be all alone and frozen…
What hurts me the most is that even thou I never felt love and it’s not likely for that to happen any time soon, nobody else ever told me that he or she cares about me. Except for the secretary from the school I went that day, nobody else was kind to me… And I can’t say that I still appreciate her kindness, she betrayed me after all, she turned me down. This probably is the main reason for the anger I feel inside, the reason for turning into an animal sometimes, the reason for hating rainbows, the reason for which I have a dark side, a side so evil that it’s scaring me. It’s scaring me because I know of no meaning to tame what’s inside me, I have no control over it and it just takes over whenever it wants. Because of this I have a problem with making friends, with talking to people, with trusting others. I’m in the 2nd grade now and I still have no friend, I only salute everybody when I enter the class then go to my desk, put my headphones in my ears and wait for the teacher to enter so that the class can start. I just can’t stand the way my classmates act, I just can’t stand knowing they’re around me, I can’t stand breathing the same air they do, I can’t stand knowing that at a certain point my eyes will have a glance of their stupidity, I can’t stand knowing that I am way above them mentally but yet I am forced to learn in the same place and at the same level with them. I don’t have any parents, I never pronounced the word ‘mother’ with its true meaning, I never had a single day when I could say I’m the happiest kid on earth but I think that takes me closer to perfection, that makes me indestructible, powerful, wise and out of the ordinary.
12/02/2010
Failed attempts at living simple life [part 5]
That was like 14 years ago but i can remember it so clearly as it was yesterday. Of course, that's when i don't take their pills...
The ugly women that took me away from school that day brought me to a center for orphan kids. It was quite nice taking into consideration that 'till that point i didn't speak with anyone else than Sandra. So i had the chance to talk with many kids, most of them my age and i couldn't help not feeling different. I wasn't quite eager to share their passion for toys or football, not to mention dirty words. I admit some of them were funny but in the end i was realizing that they're dumb.
I spent 3 long months there and in one cold morning one of the caretakers woke me up saying that Sandra is here and i should get my stuff and get dressed fast because she'll be taking me back home. I remember even now...
-C'mon, hurry up! Aren't you excited you're going back home?
-No, not really... I replied.
-How come? Why not?
-Well, it's complicated. You see... I took a look around the room. All the other kids were sleeping and i could see strange smiles on their faces but i had no idea what they mean. Maybe they're happy for me...
-Listen Alexander... I have no idea what kind of person is Sandra, frankly, i don't even care. What i know for sure is that you'd be better with her than here with all of us. Not all people are mean and she can help you have a better future.
-I just cannot trust you! I still have found no reason to trust people. Every time i did so far, i got hurt.
-Then don't trust me, trust what i'm saying. Pack everything fast and come down with me. When you get home and have a few hours alone try to find news-paper articles that Sandra is hiding from you. Read them and you'll gain a valuable piece of information about your past. This will make you stronger... Now c'mon, let's go!
I nodded. What's the worst that could happen? I'll get everything packed right away and go down showing a fake smile. I just hope Sandra changed a bit...
You'd think i deserve more, you'd think i deserve a little bit of luck, you'd think i shouldn't be afraid to put my trust in people... Listen to this...
Me and Sandra got home fast. She seems happy that she was able to get me back, she has a warm spark in her eyes right now.
-Why did you leave? She asked me with a warm look. Haven't i given you enough? Haven't i allow you to do whatever you wanted? Her face changed, she was angry now. I was working my ass off for you and you show me your gratitude by disappearing?!
-Sandra, listen... You were bringing a different man each night, you were gone almost the entire day and you were drunk when you didn't go to work. I don't...
She slapped me harder than ever. And then she did it again and again... 'Till i grabbed her hands, pulled her down, closer to my face, and... All i remember after that was me watching TV. I was really curious where Sandra was so i left my room to look for her. She was not at home.
-Home alone... I said. Pft, imma keep watching TV... But then, all of a sudden the words of the caretaker rang loudly into my head "news-paper articles that Sandra is hiding from you". Let's see, where does she usually hide things?
It took me only 5 minutes to find a file filled with news-paper articles. The first one had a strange title "God took 10 souls today and gave back just 1". I continued reading for hours because there were like 50 articles. When i finished and took a moment to understand all of them i could feel my heart stopping, i could feel all the air in the room running away from me, i could feel my soul crying...
To be continued...
The ugly women that took me away from school that day brought me to a center for orphan kids. It was quite nice taking into consideration that 'till that point i didn't speak with anyone else than Sandra. So i had the chance to talk with many kids, most of them my age and i couldn't help not feeling different. I wasn't quite eager to share their passion for toys or football, not to mention dirty words. I admit some of them were funny but in the end i was realizing that they're dumb.
I spent 3 long months there and in one cold morning one of the caretakers woke me up saying that Sandra is here and i should get my stuff and get dressed fast because she'll be taking me back home. I remember even now...
-C'mon, hurry up! Aren't you excited you're going back home?
-No, not really... I replied.
-How come? Why not?
-Well, it's complicated. You see... I took a look around the room. All the other kids were sleeping and i could see strange smiles on their faces but i had no idea what they mean. Maybe they're happy for me...
-Listen Alexander... I have no idea what kind of person is Sandra, frankly, i don't even care. What i know for sure is that you'd be better with her than here with all of us. Not all people are mean and she can help you have a better future.
-I just cannot trust you! I still have found no reason to trust people. Every time i did so far, i got hurt.
-Then don't trust me, trust what i'm saying. Pack everything fast and come down with me. When you get home and have a few hours alone try to find news-paper articles that Sandra is hiding from you. Read them and you'll gain a valuable piece of information about your past. This will make you stronger... Now c'mon, let's go!
I nodded. What's the worst that could happen? I'll get everything packed right away and go down showing a fake smile. I just hope Sandra changed a bit...
You'd think i deserve more, you'd think i deserve a little bit of luck, you'd think i shouldn't be afraid to put my trust in people... Listen to this...
Me and Sandra got home fast. She seems happy that she was able to get me back, she has a warm spark in her eyes right now.
-Why did you leave? She asked me with a warm look. Haven't i given you enough? Haven't i allow you to do whatever you wanted? Her face changed, she was angry now. I was working my ass off for you and you show me your gratitude by disappearing?!
-Sandra, listen... You were bringing a different man each night, you were gone almost the entire day and you were drunk when you didn't go to work. I don't...
She slapped me harder than ever. And then she did it again and again... 'Till i grabbed her hands, pulled her down, closer to my face, and... All i remember after that was me watching TV. I was really curious where Sandra was so i left my room to look for her. She was not at home.
-Home alone... I said. Pft, imma keep watching TV... But then, all of a sudden the words of the caretaker rang loudly into my head "news-paper articles that Sandra is hiding from you". Let's see, where does she usually hide things?
It took me only 5 minutes to find a file filled with news-paper articles. The first one had a strange title "God took 10 souls today and gave back just 1". I continued reading for hours because there were like 50 articles. When i finished and took a moment to understand all of them i could feel my heart stopping, i could feel all the air in the room running away from me, i could feel my soul crying...
To be continued...
11/25/2010
Failed attempts at living simple life [part 4]
Well, it's officially now, i have no parents. No wonder i don't feel or act like ordinary kids my age... No wonder i feel alone even in the most crowded places.
Summer is here and i saw on TV that kids that are 7 years old need to sign-up for school. How can i do this when Sandra is gone all day long and drunk when at home? I wonder if the people from school will accept my application if i go alone there... But i'd better try to ask Sandra first... Actually no, i won't. I'm a big boy, it's time to do things myself. People are mean...
I took Sandra's key from her purse after she got home. Strange, tonight she brought back home the same dude as 2 nights ago, the same guy that slapped her a few months ago, the same man that gave me money for my birthday. Anyway, where should i hide this key? She must not find it! Where does she never looks? Actually... Hmm... What if i just put it behind the books on my desk? She will most likely think i hid it very well and search the most hidden spots in the house when in fact the key will be in such an obvious place... I'm a genius!
-It's morning, wake up Alexander! I said to myself.
My eyes are wide open because i know what's my purpose for today! I will go to school and sign myself up for the 1st grade and then stay outside. Today will be the first day of the rest of my life! It's time to do things my way!
I just ate and now i'm getting dressed. I need to take a backpack with me and grab a few important things. I need to be back home by 7 so i will take a clock, i always get hungry around 12 so i'll grab a sandwich too... Oh, crap! I forgot there's nothing left to make a sandwich with... Oh well, i won't starve to death in a day. I'll take an umbrella too although i don't feel like it will rain...
I need to close the door with the key after i leave the house so that no stranger can walk in. Awesome! Just a few stairs left and i'll be on my way towards school. The weather is just lovely, although it's cloudy, i can feel the sun shining up there just for me, embracing my heart. Okay now, my first milestone: crossing the street. I have to be careful and... Now's the time! Run Alexander! Run!
Finally i'm here! The school is such a huge building! So many windows and such big entrance doors! I'll take a deep breath and go inside! I'm in front of the office where parents sign-up their kids for school. Hmmm, on these notes the main word seems to be tutor... Huston, we may have a problem! Anyway, i won't back down, not now! A short knock on the door and i step inside.
-Good day! I said joyful.
-Hi sweety! A readhead woman, old but good looking, with a lot of jewels saluted me.
-I would like to sign up as a pupil for my first year of school. I'm 7 years old and my name is Alexander, this is my birth certificate.
-Oh, honey, but where is your mommy, or your daddy?
-I have no idea, i don't think i have any parents at all... I couldn't help not looking down when i said this. No matter how strong i want to look, the fact that i have no parents still makes me sad.
-And where do you live sweety?
-Just across the street, at that flat over there! I pointed enthusiastic through the window.
The lady followed my finger and took a short look out of the window. Then she turned back at me, smiled, ran her hand through my hair and invited me to sit down on a chair. After that she went close to her colleague and they started talking in a really silent whisper, so silent that the sound of the fans from the computer were blocking my hearing. After like 2 minutes she finally remembered about me:
-Alexander... She paused and looked at the phone.
-Yes madam.
-Do you like chocolate? I think i have a lot of it in the drawer.
-Yes, i love chocolate! I also like chocolate cakes but i never ate either of them...
-What? Ha-ha-ha! So how do you know you like it?
-I just feel that way when looking at TV commercials about chocolate... Where does she want to get with these questions? Is she going to give me the damn chocolate or not?
-Ah, okay then! She smiled so warm... Here you go, eat all you can Alexander!
-Thank you! Oh the joy i felt! Nobody has ever been so kind to me, nobody showed me such a warm smile before, nobody else ever ran her hand through my hair so kindly! I almost feel like asking her if she wants to be my mum! Chocolate is sooo good! And she gave me so much of it! I have no idea why she's talking at the phone so much and frankly i don't even care! I like her very much and i feel that i can trust her! Ah, she finally hung up. Yay, she's smiling again! She'd be perfect as a mother, i want her to be my mother really really really bad!
-Alexander, you do know that if you eat too much chocolate you get sick, don't you? She asked but her words went right through me, i was simply mesmerized!
I just responded with a smile, finished chewing and then asked:
-Can you please sign me up for school? I want to study, i want to learn new things!
-Of course sweety! Just wait here 5 minutes. I'll be right back.
I didn't wanted her to go... I wanted her close to me all the time, she's amazing! But i guess i'll be happier when she comes back...
And she did come back but in 10 minutes. And she was not alone. Two other tall and ugly women came alone. The redhead lady, that i adore so much is pointing at me and the two ugly women are walking towards me smiling in a strange way. They picked me up and took me out of the office.
-What's going on? I just want to sign up for school! I screamed... Although i don't know why i did this, i am not scared at all.
-Calm down, we're taking you to a safe place where you will be taken care of... Said the ugly woman.
-But... My eyes froze on the lady from the office, the lady that gave me chocolate, the lady that i wanted to be my mum. I can see her smiling still and waving but her smile is not warm anymore... Her smile is evil and dark, her eyes and face emit satisfaction... She is happy that these ugly women are taking me away! Fuck youuuuuuuuu! I shouted my heart out as they were dragging me out of the school.
To be continued...
Summer is here and i saw on TV that kids that are 7 years old need to sign-up for school. How can i do this when Sandra is gone all day long and drunk when at home? I wonder if the people from school will accept my application if i go alone there... But i'd better try to ask Sandra first... Actually no, i won't. I'm a big boy, it's time to do things myself. People are mean...
I took Sandra's key from her purse after she got home. Strange, tonight she brought back home the same dude as 2 nights ago, the same guy that slapped her a few months ago, the same man that gave me money for my birthday. Anyway, where should i hide this key? She must not find it! Where does she never looks? Actually... Hmm... What if i just put it behind the books on my desk? She will most likely think i hid it very well and search the most hidden spots in the house when in fact the key will be in such an obvious place... I'm a genius!
-It's morning, wake up Alexander! I said to myself.
My eyes are wide open because i know what's my purpose for today! I will go to school and sign myself up for the 1st grade and then stay outside. Today will be the first day of the rest of my life! It's time to do things my way!
I just ate and now i'm getting dressed. I need to take a backpack with me and grab a few important things. I need to be back home by 7 so i will take a clock, i always get hungry around 12 so i'll grab a sandwich too... Oh, crap! I forgot there's nothing left to make a sandwich with... Oh well, i won't starve to death in a day. I'll take an umbrella too although i don't feel like it will rain...
I need to close the door with the key after i leave the house so that no stranger can walk in. Awesome! Just a few stairs left and i'll be on my way towards school. The weather is just lovely, although it's cloudy, i can feel the sun shining up there just for me, embracing my heart. Okay now, my first milestone: crossing the street. I have to be careful and... Now's the time! Run Alexander! Run!
Finally i'm here! The school is such a huge building! So many windows and such big entrance doors! I'll take a deep breath and go inside! I'm in front of the office where parents sign-up their kids for school. Hmmm, on these notes the main word seems to be tutor... Huston, we may have a problem! Anyway, i won't back down, not now! A short knock on the door and i step inside.
-Good day! I said joyful.
-Hi sweety! A readhead woman, old but good looking, with a lot of jewels saluted me.
-I would like to sign up as a pupil for my first year of school. I'm 7 years old and my name is Alexander, this is my birth certificate.
-Oh, honey, but where is your mommy, or your daddy?
-I have no idea, i don't think i have any parents at all... I couldn't help not looking down when i said this. No matter how strong i want to look, the fact that i have no parents still makes me sad.
-And where do you live sweety?
-Just across the street, at that flat over there! I pointed enthusiastic through the window.
The lady followed my finger and took a short look out of the window. Then she turned back at me, smiled, ran her hand through my hair and invited me to sit down on a chair. After that she went close to her colleague and they started talking in a really silent whisper, so silent that the sound of the fans from the computer were blocking my hearing. After like 2 minutes she finally remembered about me:
-Alexander... She paused and looked at the phone.
-Yes madam.
-Do you like chocolate? I think i have a lot of it in the drawer.
-Yes, i love chocolate! I also like chocolate cakes but i never ate either of them...
-What? Ha-ha-ha! So how do you know you like it?
-I just feel that way when looking at TV commercials about chocolate... Where does she want to get with these questions? Is she going to give me the damn chocolate or not?
-Ah, okay then! She smiled so warm... Here you go, eat all you can Alexander!
-Thank you! Oh the joy i felt! Nobody has ever been so kind to me, nobody showed me such a warm smile before, nobody else ever ran her hand through my hair so kindly! I almost feel like asking her if she wants to be my mum! Chocolate is sooo good! And she gave me so much of it! I have no idea why she's talking at the phone so much and frankly i don't even care! I like her very much and i feel that i can trust her! Ah, she finally hung up. Yay, she's smiling again! She'd be perfect as a mother, i want her to be my mother really really really bad!
-Alexander, you do know that if you eat too much chocolate you get sick, don't you? She asked but her words went right through me, i was simply mesmerized!
I just responded with a smile, finished chewing and then asked:
-Can you please sign me up for school? I want to study, i want to learn new things!
-Of course sweety! Just wait here 5 minutes. I'll be right back.
I didn't wanted her to go... I wanted her close to me all the time, she's amazing! But i guess i'll be happier when she comes back...
And she did come back but in 10 minutes. And she was not alone. Two other tall and ugly women came alone. The redhead lady, that i adore so much is pointing at me and the two ugly women are walking towards me smiling in a strange way. They picked me up and took me out of the office.
-What's going on? I just want to sign up for school! I screamed... Although i don't know why i did this, i am not scared at all.
-Calm down, we're taking you to a safe place where you will be taken care of... Said the ugly woman.
-But... My eyes froze on the lady from the office, the lady that gave me chocolate, the lady that i wanted to be my mum. I can see her smiling still and waving but her smile is not warm anymore... Her smile is evil and dark, her eyes and face emit satisfaction... She is happy that these ugly women are taking me away! Fuck youuuuuuuuu! I shouted my heart out as they were dragging me out of the school.
To be continued...
11/16/2010
11/15/2010
Failed attempts at living simple life [part 3]
It took me a while to leave behind my 'eureka' moment and continue life like a regular kid. I was almost 7 now and i still had no friends. I wasn't quite doing the things kids my age do, i had no father and moments when i was happy were rare. History was the one thing i loved more than my name, Alexander. I had the same name as a great ruler!
Sandra is starting to walk on a bad path from what i see. I was seeing her drunk a lot. She was going to work early in the morning and when she got back home she was all drunk and smelly. She was also bringing a lot of strangers in the house and they were always spending the nights over. It seems they made her happy because she was smiling a lot, but what do they see at her? She's really ugly...
I am 7 now! It's actually my birthday! It's like 8 in the morning and i just can't sleep anymore! I've never been so excited , i've never been so happy!Of course Sandra's at work so i have the entire home just for me, the perfect day! I can feel angels blessing me, i can hear birds singing beautiful songs just for me, i can see the mighty sun sending tons of beautiful, warm embraces just for my heart!
I spent all that day alone in the house, doing whatever i wanted, watching TV, reading, listening to music, drawing, everything... Then night came... Sandra came back from work with a man. They were both drunk and apparently extremely happy. I've closed my bedroom door because i hate the strangers that she brings at home. Anyway after an hour or so i heard a loud bang and Sandra started crying. My heart skipped a heartbeat and i rushed to her bedroom door...
-Sandra, are you okay? I asked.
-Is that your kid? A manly voice answered.
-No, Sandra said crying.
Then the door opened and the ugliest man i've ever seen walked out, gave me some money, smiled and left. Sandra was in bed, still crying with her palms covering her face. I asked her if she's okay one more time but she didn't answered me... I was just standing there really confused. In a way i am really concerned but what i'm feeling right now can be described as rage. Rage for the fact that Sandra brought whatever happened on herself. Suddenly she stood up and stared at me with her red eyes and a bad bruise on her left cheek. Obviously the stranger slapped her...
-Gimme the money he gave you! She screamed.
-But i want to buy a book with them, it's my birthday today and this is the only 'present' i got so far... That's when i realized the irony: Sandra never bought me a present but a stranger gave me money on the day i turned 7.
She slapped me really hard before i could even blink. I've put my right hand over the burning cheek and i felt something evil growing inside me. Sandra searched through my pockets and took the money, walked 3 paces away then turned back.
-You stupid kid, i don't care if it's your birthday and i will never get you a present. Listen well! She grabbed my shoulders and squeezed them hard. I am not your mother, i just took you for the money i get for raising you! And then she walked out the door.
Surprisingly i wasn't sad because she said that... I had a feeling me and Sandra are not related.
To be continued...
Sandra is starting to walk on a bad path from what i see. I was seeing her drunk a lot. She was going to work early in the morning and when she got back home she was all drunk and smelly. She was also bringing a lot of strangers in the house and they were always spending the nights over. It seems they made her happy because she was smiling a lot, but what do they see at her? She's really ugly...
I am 7 now! It's actually my birthday! It's like 8 in the morning and i just can't sleep anymore! I've never been so excited , i've never been so happy!Of course Sandra's at work so i have the entire home just for me, the perfect day! I can feel angels blessing me, i can hear birds singing beautiful songs just for me, i can see the mighty sun sending tons of beautiful, warm embraces just for my heart!
I spent all that day alone in the house, doing whatever i wanted, watching TV, reading, listening to music, drawing, everything... Then night came... Sandra came back from work with a man. They were both drunk and apparently extremely happy. I've closed my bedroom door because i hate the strangers that she brings at home. Anyway after an hour or so i heard a loud bang and Sandra started crying. My heart skipped a heartbeat and i rushed to her bedroom door...
-Sandra, are you okay? I asked.
-Is that your kid? A manly voice answered.
-No, Sandra said crying.
Then the door opened and the ugliest man i've ever seen walked out, gave me some money, smiled and left. Sandra was in bed, still crying with her palms covering her face. I asked her if she's okay one more time but she didn't answered me... I was just standing there really confused. In a way i am really concerned but what i'm feeling right now can be described as rage. Rage for the fact that Sandra brought whatever happened on herself. Suddenly she stood up and stared at me with her red eyes and a bad bruise on her left cheek. Obviously the stranger slapped her...
-Gimme the money he gave you! She screamed.
-But i want to buy a book with them, it's my birthday today and this is the only 'present' i got so far... That's when i realized the irony: Sandra never bought me a present but a stranger gave me money on the day i turned 7.
She slapped me really hard before i could even blink. I've put my right hand over the burning cheek and i felt something evil growing inside me. Sandra searched through my pockets and took the money, walked 3 paces away then turned back.
-You stupid kid, i don't care if it's your birthday and i will never get you a present. Listen well! She grabbed my shoulders and squeezed them hard. I am not your mother, i just took you for the money i get for raising you! And then she walked out the door.
Surprisingly i wasn't sad because she said that... I had a feeling me and Sandra are not related.
To be continued...
11/14/2010
11/12/2010
Failed attempts at living simple life [part 2]
Years passed, I was evolving more and more, getting stronger, taller and getting new abilities: i was able to pronounce words! Oh the joy i felt! It was so amazing to be able to say what you wanted, where does it hurt, when you're hungry... But above all it was amazing to be able to pronounce my own name: Alexander. Ih, i forgot to mention that the creature i was telling you about is a woman called Sandra. She says i'm 3 years old now and that my eyes are blue and that i'm a big boy and that big boys don't cry anymore and they don't pee their pants and that they eat whatever they can find in the house. Too bad she's not much around...
I usually play with plastic toys all day long and watch TV. Sandra always tells me to watch a channel with cartoons but for a reason i don't know yet, i love another channel. They talk there all day long about humans, about buildings, about a thing called past and about history... Sandra says that i shouldn't be watching that because boys my age watch cartoons. "But i'm a big boy Sandra! I can watch whatever i like!" And then she slaps me... And starts to scream at me, and curse me and pour all her rage upon me. At first i cried but i found out fast it has no use... She was right about one thing: i'm a big boy and i won't cry! Never again!
And then i reached the age of five... Staying home alone that much had its benefits: i was able to read and write and i long forgotten my plastic toys, i was eating different combination of food and at a certain point i even learned to cook using the gas oven. I also learned some crushing things while watching TV: boys my age were supposed to have parents... Parents as in two. Well, i only have Sandra...
At the age of 6 i never called someone mum or dad or grandma or grandpa... I've searched almost everywhere in the house but couldn't find anything about my parents... I had no friends and i was never allowed to go outside and play; Sandra was taking me with her only during the might after she came back from work. It was a short, 5 minutes walk to the supermarket and back. I was still alone...
At a certain point in that year Sandra took me with her saying "We will go to a funeral, a good friend of mine died and i want to see her for one last time". I was so excited that i was going to leave the house during the day, that i was able to see people, cars, flowers but most of all i was excited to see a cemetery! I always considered that cemeteries are living history... That's where the oldest people rest... I was going to be awesome!
All my joy perished when i saw Sandra's friend in the coffin. She was a beautiful woman, much much more beautiful than Sandra, with blond hair and beautiful skin. Thou she looked different, she was pale. Her chest was not moving at all and altough people were making an awful amount of noise around her it seemed she was not disturbed... Sandra took my hand and we both walked closer to the coffin. When we got there Sandra put some flowers in the coffin and she just froze, starring at the sleeping blond in front of us. In that moment the entire chamber became quiet and as i looked behind me all the other people left, unveiling another person sleeping in another coffin in the right corner. "So they weren't friends of the blond woman!" i said to myself and then got back to Sandra who was still frozen.
-Why is she sleeping here? It's really cold... Sandra didn't even blink. Shouldn't we have brought a blanket for her? I asked...
-She's dead you stupid kid! She's not breathing, she's all cold and frozen! She's dead! End of story, lifeless!
That's when it hit me... In a cemetery old people don't rest. Their bodies are buried... They don't just sleep forever... They died, their souls left their bodies... And then i felt the strangest feeling ever... It wasn't fear, it wasn't sorrow, it wasn't pain... I put my left hand over my chest and felt my heart beating. The thought of it stopping one day, the thought of me not existing amymore, the pain, the loneliness were beyond grotesque. Soon after i came to this world i found myself alone and i will eventually end up alone...
To be continued...
I usually play with plastic toys all day long and watch TV. Sandra always tells me to watch a channel with cartoons but for a reason i don't know yet, i love another channel. They talk there all day long about humans, about buildings, about a thing called past and about history... Sandra says that i shouldn't be watching that because boys my age watch cartoons. "But i'm a big boy Sandra! I can watch whatever i like!" And then she slaps me... And starts to scream at me, and curse me and pour all her rage upon me. At first i cried but i found out fast it has no use... She was right about one thing: i'm a big boy and i won't cry! Never again!
And then i reached the age of five... Staying home alone that much had its benefits: i was able to read and write and i long forgotten my plastic toys, i was eating different combination of food and at a certain point i even learned to cook using the gas oven. I also learned some crushing things while watching TV: boys my age were supposed to have parents... Parents as in two. Well, i only have Sandra...
At the age of 6 i never called someone mum or dad or grandma or grandpa... I've searched almost everywhere in the house but couldn't find anything about my parents... I had no friends and i was never allowed to go outside and play; Sandra was taking me with her only during the might after she came back from work. It was a short, 5 minutes walk to the supermarket and back. I was still alone...
At a certain point in that year Sandra took me with her saying "We will go to a funeral, a good friend of mine died and i want to see her for one last time". I was so excited that i was going to leave the house during the day, that i was able to see people, cars, flowers but most of all i was excited to see a cemetery! I always considered that cemeteries are living history... That's where the oldest people rest... I was going to be awesome!
All my joy perished when i saw Sandra's friend in the coffin. She was a beautiful woman, much much more beautiful than Sandra, with blond hair and beautiful skin. Thou she looked different, she was pale. Her chest was not moving at all and altough people were making an awful amount of noise around her it seemed she was not disturbed... Sandra took my hand and we both walked closer to the coffin. When we got there Sandra put some flowers in the coffin and she just froze, starring at the sleeping blond in front of us. In that moment the entire chamber became quiet and as i looked behind me all the other people left, unveiling another person sleeping in another coffin in the right corner. "So they weren't friends of the blond woman!" i said to myself and then got back to Sandra who was still frozen.
-Why is she sleeping here? It's really cold... Sandra didn't even blink. Shouldn't we have brought a blanket for her? I asked...
-She's dead you stupid kid! She's not breathing, she's all cold and frozen! She's dead! End of story, lifeless!
That's when it hit me... In a cemetery old people don't rest. Their bodies are buried... They don't just sleep forever... They died, their souls left their bodies... And then i felt the strangest feeling ever... It wasn't fear, it wasn't sorrow, it wasn't pain... I put my left hand over my chest and felt my heart beating. The thought of it stopping one day, the thought of me not existing amymore, the pain, the loneliness were beyond grotesque. Soon after i came to this world i found myself alone and i will eventually end up alone...
To be continued...
Failed attempts at living simple life
I really want to get out of here! I just can't spend one more second in this place, i want to move my feet more, i want to stretch them as far as i can, i want to wave my hands around! Get me out of here! What?! ... Who's pushing me?! Actually nevermind that, keep pushing, don't stop, i can see a light! Yes!
All i felt was pain, unimaginable pain. I just couldn't help myself not crying, my soul was crying with all its power. The light was so strong... The powerful noise blasted my ears with the sound of one thousand lightnings and i could understand one word, the most awesome word i ever heard... Actually the first word i ever heard: Alexander. I have no idea who pronounced it but it came like a beautiful whisper with a gentle and warm touch, embracing my soul: Alexander. A huge creature grabbed me and rapped me in a fabric so tight that i wasn't even able to do the things i wanted the most before leaving that warm place. I wasn't able to move. I got out but i was still trapped...
Days passed and from time to time different huge creatures were setting me free for a few moments just to wrap me up again and put me into misery. I had no idea what this place was, i had no idea in what language the creatures were talking, i couldn't see anything else than some blurry colors, everything was one huge mystery. I was crying a lot, actually whenever i wanted something or when i felt a certain pain. I figured that the creatures were understanding my sorrow because they came by my side after i was starting to cry. Strange...
A lot of time passed and i felt myself evolving. The blurry colors became brighter and i could distinguish faces. Also my hearing became better and i started to hear so often the one word that i loved so much: Alexander. The creatures were repeating it so many times!
I have no idea how much time i've spent in that place sleeping, eating, kicking my feet, laughing at the way the other creatures were looking at me making silly faces but i know that it was a lot. At a certain point probably the most ugly creature i've seen in my life came by my side and pronounced 'Alexander'. I felt a strange desire to smile but i didn't. The it picked me up and started walking with me. That was the first time i felt fear and just starting crying. The creature took me far away, far, far away from that place where i felt so good and we traveled for so long that i fell asleep. When i woke up i was in a room so dark that i couldn't distinguish anything. For the first time crying didn't make any creature come close to me... I was alone.
To be continued...
All i felt was pain, unimaginable pain. I just couldn't help myself not crying, my soul was crying with all its power. The light was so strong... The powerful noise blasted my ears with the sound of one thousand lightnings and i could understand one word, the most awesome word i ever heard... Actually the first word i ever heard: Alexander. I have no idea who pronounced it but it came like a beautiful whisper with a gentle and warm touch, embracing my soul: Alexander. A huge creature grabbed me and rapped me in a fabric so tight that i wasn't even able to do the things i wanted the most before leaving that warm place. I wasn't able to move. I got out but i was still trapped...
Days passed and from time to time different huge creatures were setting me free for a few moments just to wrap me up again and put me into misery. I had no idea what this place was, i had no idea in what language the creatures were talking, i couldn't see anything else than some blurry colors, everything was one huge mystery. I was crying a lot, actually whenever i wanted something or when i felt a certain pain. I figured that the creatures were understanding my sorrow because they came by my side after i was starting to cry. Strange...
A lot of time passed and i felt myself evolving. The blurry colors became brighter and i could distinguish faces. Also my hearing became better and i started to hear so often the one word that i loved so much: Alexander. The creatures were repeating it so many times!
I have no idea how much time i've spent in that place sleeping, eating, kicking my feet, laughing at the way the other creatures were looking at me making silly faces but i know that it was a lot. At a certain point probably the most ugly creature i've seen in my life came by my side and pronounced 'Alexander'. I felt a strange desire to smile but i didn't. The it picked me up and started walking with me. That was the first time i felt fear and just starting crying. The creature took me far away, far, far away from that place where i felt so good and we traveled for so long that i fell asleep. When i woke up i was in a room so dark that i couldn't distinguish anything. For the first time crying didn't make any creature come close to me... I was alone.
To be continued...
10/29/2010
Homework!
Just a homework i had to prepare for the most kick-ass class i've heard of...
The night was cold and silent when i stepped outside and started to walk down the street. I was in no hurry. There was still time and the light of the moon kept good company.
Suddently the weather became windy and i could feel certain parts of my body getting smaller. "That's why men hate the cold!" i said to myself after slipping my hand deeper in my pockets. I turned my eyes back to the moon and i could feel it smiling back at me. I stopped for a moment trying to keep my head together and i heard a strange voice.
-Dude, why are you walking down the street tonight? It's really cold out here!
-Moon?! What the hell... Confused i decided really fast to go with the flow. Well, you know... Inside i could feel everything moving, the T.V. had only comedy channels, the radio as well and it seems that the letters on my keyboard were running away from my fingertips. So i got really scared and decided to leave the damned house because, i figured, it might be haunted by Joker- you know, the evil character from Tom & Jerry...
-You mean Batman!
-Exactly! Anyway, on my way to the door i decided to say goodbye to my little fridge and the basterd opened his door and kicked me in a bad place! Without feeling the pain i screamed and raced myself to the door... Of course i won because the other me had no socks on! I'm bad-ass, right?! High five dude! Anyway, when i was finally at the door i remembered that my girlfriend asked me to do the dishes and buy some more milk and cookies. Personally, i have no idea why she asked me that, it's not Christmas, you know, Santa isn't coming tonight! Anyway, as far as i know the supermarket closes at 10 PM and judging by your position on the sky, i recon it's only 9 PM now. So i'm just walking down the street with my Nike's on, keeping it cool, admiring you... Say, you do are gorgeous Moon, you know that? I just love you pale light and those beautiful blue eyes of yours...
-Dude, I'm a dog, what the hell?!
-Aaaaaaa! Fear just overwelmed me and my legs started running with the speed of light. The sad part was that each leg wanted to go in a different direction. "No, this can't be happening right now! Stupid legs, work together, you're a team! Please, take me far away from the talking dog!" i regained control of them quickly.
After like an eternity i looked back and saw nothing so i decided to stop and catch my breath for a while. The moon was still up there watching over me but i knew better: "No more looking at the Moon tonight mister! Eyes on the road!" i commanded myself. Obviously i followed my own orders but could not help going 10 more meters to the right where a really cute kitty was lying on the ground. As i approached she raised her head and looked at me with her eyes filled with fear:
-Dude, are you crazy?! A fucking talking dog!? She screamed...
Indeed pointless ^^
The night was cold and silent when i stepped outside and started to walk down the street. I was in no hurry. There was still time and the light of the moon kept good company.
Suddently the weather became windy and i could feel certain parts of my body getting smaller. "That's why men hate the cold!" i said to myself after slipping my hand deeper in my pockets. I turned my eyes back to the moon and i could feel it smiling back at me. I stopped for a moment trying to keep my head together and i heard a strange voice.
-Dude, why are you walking down the street tonight? It's really cold out here!
-Moon?! What the hell... Confused i decided really fast to go with the flow. Well, you know... Inside i could feel everything moving, the T.V. had only comedy channels, the radio as well and it seems that the letters on my keyboard were running away from my fingertips. So i got really scared and decided to leave the damned house because, i figured, it might be haunted by Joker- you know, the evil character from Tom & Jerry...
-You mean Batman!
-Exactly! Anyway, on my way to the door i decided to say goodbye to my little fridge and the basterd opened his door and kicked me in a bad place! Without feeling the pain i screamed and raced myself to the door... Of course i won because the other me had no socks on! I'm bad-ass, right?! High five dude! Anyway, when i was finally at the door i remembered that my girlfriend asked me to do the dishes and buy some more milk and cookies. Personally, i have no idea why she asked me that, it's not Christmas, you know, Santa isn't coming tonight! Anyway, as far as i know the supermarket closes at 10 PM and judging by your position on the sky, i recon it's only 9 PM now. So i'm just walking down the street with my Nike's on, keeping it cool, admiring you... Say, you do are gorgeous Moon, you know that? I just love you pale light and those beautiful blue eyes of yours...
-Dude, I'm a dog, what the hell?!
-Aaaaaaa! Fear just overwelmed me and my legs started running with the speed of light. The sad part was that each leg wanted to go in a different direction. "No, this can't be happening right now! Stupid legs, work together, you're a team! Please, take me far away from the talking dog!" i regained control of them quickly.
After like an eternity i looked back and saw nothing so i decided to stop and catch my breath for a while. The moon was still up there watching over me but i knew better: "No more looking at the Moon tonight mister! Eyes on the road!" i commanded myself. Obviously i followed my own orders but could not help going 10 more meters to the right where a really cute kitty was lying on the ground. As i approached she raised her head and looked at me with her eyes filled with fear:
-Dude, are you crazy?! A fucking talking dog!? She screamed...
Indeed pointless ^^
10/28/2010
The friendship theory
In my view, just some basics shit I found out in 22 summers. (FYI: I will replace ‘don’t’ with ‘dun’)
If you dun already know this it’s a fucking MUST to have friends. Also it’s fucking hard to find real friends and keep them. Humans are sociable beings that will always be more extraordinary when working together. If you dun believe me just have a look through history and see that 90% of the great things we know/have were accomplished by teamwork. However I’m not going to talk about teamwork here. I just want express my personal opinion about friendship and a personal theory regarding how to find buddies or people to talk to; if you accomplished this you’ve made the first step towards finding friends (yes! Friend does not equal buddy or pal).
First of all you should avoid being a smart-ass, even if you are a genius, if you read 10 times more than the others. People usually hate to stand corrected by other people their own age or classmates. Actually, scratch that ‘usually'... People HATE to stand corrected by other people their own age or by classmates.
Second, try to blend in. Most of the time the others won’t discriminate you for your looks, clothing style or if you have a funny accent. Have a look around you and see how the others behave, what are their habits and stuff like that and adjust yourself to the ‘environment’. If everybody’s laughing and having a good time don’t be a fun breaker by raising your eye-brown and walking away and also if everybody is talking about a certain theme not related to school or daily activities don’t interrupt with questions regarding school, homework, work, meetings no matter what. You risk getting ignored or getting an unsatisfying answer.
Educate yourself. You must know that people love gossip. People will always talk behind one’s back, make jokes and laugh if one is, let’s say unpopular. Nevertheless, the unpopular ones will always make jokes about the popular ones but that’s not my point here. What I’m trying to say is that eventually these jokes become obvious and you can tell when they make fun of you. You just gotta read their body language and notice the way they react when you ask something or if they laugh when you say a joke, or the speed that they change from the subject proposed by you to a totally different one.
Search! Unlike your parents, you can choose your friends. Have a look around you and try to notice the people that act in the same way you do, that like to do the same things you do, that have something-no matter how tiny that something is- in common with you. In this way you have a much higher chance of getting to know that person(s) in a much easier way.
Dun be a fucking social retard! If you see someone new that’s sitting silent in the back of the room dun rush ahead with that stupid retarded type smile and say “Hi, my name is... !”. People that dun want to talk with other people because they have a bad day or whatever, have a big sign above their heads saying that. Read it for fuck sake! Also dun try too much to be like the others. For example if everybody near you tells funny jokes about poop or whatever and you have something in mind that doesn’t sound quite funny, keep it there and keep listening and laughing. And if you see the others laughing their ass off dun be afraid to go with the flow and laugh your ass off as well. Just a simple smile will tell them that you didn’t quite like that certain joke.
Cursing. If the people you talk with like to use dirty words you should do it as well-do not cross the line thou, there’s a fine line between cool cursing and being a retard that always uses ‘my dick’('Pula mea' pe româneşte). By refraining from this you obviously show that you’re not quite one of them, that you dun like to have fun the same way they do. On the other way around, if they use an elevate way of talking and dun like vulgar words, dun use them because you’ll offend them.
Read people! If you’ve just met someone and the next day he/she doesn’t come to ask you ‘How are you?’ and hangs out with somebody else that did the same thing, it means they hate something about you. No, most likely there’s nothing wrong with you but you just dun bond and most likely you never will. Get over it quickly...
Dislikes. If the group of people you’re hanging with dislike someone/something do the same even if it means being a hypocrite. Most of the time you’ll find out they were right about that thing/person all along. Doing different will most of the time get you slowly rejected.
Be yourself but... It is best to show your true personality from the beginning, your flaws, your qualities or whatever you decide. Every person has dark secrets so d’oh! Dun show them all as some of them may be considered disgusting or you could be judged for them in a wrong way. Also, try to find a balance in exposing your entire personality as people tend to like mysterious, more or less hard to read persons.
Go with the flow! If the ones you’re hanging out with decide to do something crazy you should do it as well if you enjoy the time spent with them. It’s all about bonding and people tend to bond a lot when being happy or drunk or whatever. It’s all about special moments, moments that will live forever.
Danger’s lurking! It’s more or less dangerous to have a really close friend of the other sex. Most of the time, if you’re in a relationship or if the other person is, you’ll find qualities in her/him that you like more than in your girlfriend/boyfriend thus the danger to get hurt appears. Dun even think to go around expressing your feelings because that will fucking ruin everything and you’ll lose a good friend. Yes, I’m talking from experience here and yes this mostly affects boys as in if a girl will say that she likes a dude too much they will end up having sex but it could end with someone getting hurt as well. Rarely thou...
Smoking... I’m not saying you should smoke. Hell no, it’s fucking expensive! But smoking is the activity that will most likely get you to know people, it’s a sociable activity, no doubt about that. The topics discussed at a cigarette dun usually involve school or work meaning that this makes people bond and obviously that smoking all the time around the same people will get you buddies because you sometimes run outta smokes, you sometimes need a lighter or maybe you have a cool type of tobacco that the others would love to try. In case you’re a smoker shit is easy: find the other smokers and you won some friends/buddies or whatever you want to call them.
Just for dudes: shaking hands. It’s common to shake hands (at least in Romania) with the other dudes you know or are in a group where you know 1 dude (Yes for fuck sake! When you salute one dude from a group, shake hands with the others as well! Or dun shake hands with anyone) make sure you apply the correct pressure to the other one’s hand. Dun squeeze it too hard because sometimes it fucking sucks! He doesn’t fucking care you’re a strong stud and that muscles poor out of your body! Also about the salutation ways... If you consider shaking hands with another dude by doing 5 moves that involve the actual hand shaking you should stop it. Two ways are more than enough, more than two will more or less make you look strange or even gay considering you like to feel another dude’s hand so much time. Also about verbal salutation, especially when leaving... If the other dudes say “Good luck!” (Baftă! sau Noroc! in romanian) dun fucking say “Buh-bye!”( gen “papaaaa”). Just a simple manly “Bye” or “See you!” or the traditional “Ciao!” will do the trick.
Last but not least: dun try too hard! If you’re trying too much to fit in or to look pleasant for the others they will most of the time consider you fake and this will make them grow in confidence and reject you even more. If it doesn’t quite work from the first or second time leave it as it is and you may become a some sort of mysterious person that will raise their curiosity thus increasing your chances to get to know them eventually. It’s simple sometimes, even if the others reject you, a simple moment can make them change their mind and accept you arms wide open...
There you have it, my personal view about making friends/buddies or whatever. Most of the things I wrote come from personal experiences but more of them are written by observing others. Also, please dun get offended by anything (I have no idea by what you could get offended), I apologize in advance in case I hurt anyone’s feelings. And to conclude, there’s actually no certain rules you should obey in order to get friends, there’s no actual theory to follow; who likes you the way you are, with your flaws, qualities and sick ideas is the right person for a friend.
Remember, after you found some friends, the battle to keep them as close friends begins. Trust me, it's a battle, a challenge and it is loooooooong...
If you dun already know this it’s a fucking MUST to have friends. Also it’s fucking hard to find real friends and keep them. Humans are sociable beings that will always be more extraordinary when working together. If you dun believe me just have a look through history and see that 90% of the great things we know/have were accomplished by teamwork. However I’m not going to talk about teamwork here. I just want express my personal opinion about friendship and a personal theory regarding how to find buddies or people to talk to; if you accomplished this you’ve made the first step towards finding friends (yes! Friend does not equal buddy or pal).
First of all you should avoid being a smart-ass, even if you are a genius, if you read 10 times more than the others. People usually hate to stand corrected by other people their own age or classmates. Actually, scratch that ‘usually'... People HATE to stand corrected by other people their own age or by classmates.
Second, try to blend in. Most of the time the others won’t discriminate you for your looks, clothing style or if you have a funny accent. Have a look around you and see how the others behave, what are their habits and stuff like that and adjust yourself to the ‘environment’. If everybody’s laughing and having a good time don’t be a fun breaker by raising your eye-brown and walking away and also if everybody is talking about a certain theme not related to school or daily activities don’t interrupt with questions regarding school, homework, work, meetings no matter what. You risk getting ignored or getting an unsatisfying answer.
Educate yourself. You must know that people love gossip. People will always talk behind one’s back, make jokes and laugh if one is, let’s say unpopular. Nevertheless, the unpopular ones will always make jokes about the popular ones but that’s not my point here. What I’m trying to say is that eventually these jokes become obvious and you can tell when they make fun of you. You just gotta read their body language and notice the way they react when you ask something or if they laugh when you say a joke, or the speed that they change from the subject proposed by you to a totally different one.
Search! Unlike your parents, you can choose your friends. Have a look around you and try to notice the people that act in the same way you do, that like to do the same things you do, that have something-no matter how tiny that something is- in common with you. In this way you have a much higher chance of getting to know that person(s) in a much easier way.
Dun be a fucking social retard! If you see someone new that’s sitting silent in the back of the room dun rush ahead with that stupid retarded type smile and say “Hi, my name is... !”. People that dun want to talk with other people because they have a bad day or whatever, have a big sign above their heads saying that. Read it for fuck sake! Also dun try too much to be like the others. For example if everybody near you tells funny jokes about poop or whatever and you have something in mind that doesn’t sound quite funny, keep it there and keep listening and laughing. And if you see the others laughing their ass off dun be afraid to go with the flow and laugh your ass off as well. Just a simple smile will tell them that you didn’t quite like that certain joke.
Cursing. If the people you talk with like to use dirty words you should do it as well-do not cross the line thou, there’s a fine line between cool cursing and being a retard that always uses ‘my dick’('Pula mea' pe româneşte). By refraining from this you obviously show that you’re not quite one of them, that you dun like to have fun the same way they do. On the other way around, if they use an elevate way of talking and dun like vulgar words, dun use them because you’ll offend them.
Read people! If you’ve just met someone and the next day he/she doesn’t come to ask you ‘How are you?’ and hangs out with somebody else that did the same thing, it means they hate something about you. No, most likely there’s nothing wrong with you but you just dun bond and most likely you never will. Get over it quickly...
Dislikes. If the group of people you’re hanging with dislike someone/something do the same even if it means being a hypocrite. Most of the time you’ll find out they were right about that thing/person all along. Doing different will most of the time get you slowly rejected.
Be yourself but... It is best to show your true personality from the beginning, your flaws, your qualities or whatever you decide. Every person has dark secrets so d’oh! Dun show them all as some of them may be considered disgusting or you could be judged for them in a wrong way. Also, try to find a balance in exposing your entire personality as people tend to like mysterious, more or less hard to read persons.
Go with the flow! If the ones you’re hanging out with decide to do something crazy you should do it as well if you enjoy the time spent with them. It’s all about bonding and people tend to bond a lot when being happy or drunk or whatever. It’s all about special moments, moments that will live forever.
Danger’s lurking! It’s more or less dangerous to have a really close friend of the other sex. Most of the time, if you’re in a relationship or if the other person is, you’ll find qualities in her/him that you like more than in your girlfriend/boyfriend thus the danger to get hurt appears. Dun even think to go around expressing your feelings because that will fucking ruin everything and you’ll lose a good friend. Yes, I’m talking from experience here and yes this mostly affects boys as in if a girl will say that she likes a dude too much they will end up having sex but it could end with someone getting hurt as well. Rarely thou...
Smoking... I’m not saying you should smoke. Hell no, it’s fucking expensive! But smoking is the activity that will most likely get you to know people, it’s a sociable activity, no doubt about that. The topics discussed at a cigarette dun usually involve school or work meaning that this makes people bond and obviously that smoking all the time around the same people will get you buddies because you sometimes run outta smokes, you sometimes need a lighter or maybe you have a cool type of tobacco that the others would love to try. In case you’re a smoker shit is easy: find the other smokers and you won some friends/buddies or whatever you want to call them.
Just for dudes: shaking hands. It’s common to shake hands (at least in Romania) with the other dudes you know or are in a group where you know 1 dude (Yes for fuck sake! When you salute one dude from a group, shake hands with the others as well! Or dun shake hands with anyone) make sure you apply the correct pressure to the other one’s hand. Dun squeeze it too hard because sometimes it fucking sucks! He doesn’t fucking care you’re a strong stud and that muscles poor out of your body! Also about the salutation ways... If you consider shaking hands with another dude by doing 5 moves that involve the actual hand shaking you should stop it. Two ways are more than enough, more than two will more or less make you look strange or even gay considering you like to feel another dude’s hand so much time. Also about verbal salutation, especially when leaving... If the other dudes say “Good luck!” (Baftă! sau Noroc! in romanian) dun fucking say “Buh-bye!”( gen “papaaaa”). Just a simple manly “Bye” or “See you!” or the traditional “Ciao!” will do the trick.
Last but not least: dun try too hard! If you’re trying too much to fit in or to look pleasant for the others they will most of the time consider you fake and this will make them grow in confidence and reject you even more. If it doesn’t quite work from the first or second time leave it as it is and you may become a some sort of mysterious person that will raise their curiosity thus increasing your chances to get to know them eventually. It’s simple sometimes, even if the others reject you, a simple moment can make them change their mind and accept you arms wide open...
There you have it, my personal view about making friends/buddies or whatever. Most of the things I wrote come from personal experiences but more of them are written by observing others. Also, please dun get offended by anything (I have no idea by what you could get offended), I apologize in advance in case I hurt anyone’s feelings. And to conclude, there’s actually no certain rules you should obey in order to get friends, there’s no actual theory to follow; who likes you the way you are, with your flaws, qualities and sick ideas is the right person for a friend.
Remember, after you found some friends, the battle to keep them as close friends begins. Trust me, it's a battle, a challenge and it is loooooooong...
10/24/2010
10/23/2010
I'm missing...
The title may lead you to something else but i am talking about the past. It's fucking weird how time passes really fast when you're happy and slow as shit when you're in pain and misery. Also it seems that we can't always remember details about a certain moment when we felt happiness in it's true meaning... For example, i remember perfectly, each second, when i first broke my left hand. I remember each tear and the stupid boogies poring from my nose while i stood like a homeless kid on the stairs of the block alone. Alone because all the other kids got scared and ran away!
Anyway, i miss childhood. I hate growing older although when i was a kid all i wanted was to reach 18, to grow-up. I miss that time when i didn't know the meaning of words like: responsibility, worries, money or work. I miss hearing my mum saying "It's 9 o'clock! Go outside and play!", i miss playing with toy cars in the dirt, i miss playing 'hide and seek', i miss eating warm bread while playing football, i miss fighting with the other kids and after 30 minutes getting back to being friends, i miss watching Tom & Jerry, i miss playing "Flori, fete sau baieti" (sorry guys, idk any translation) or "Porcu rade/Ciocolata". I miss the concept of liking a girl back then, when we were literally kicking them to show our "love". I miss running like a freak all day long and i miss cursing older people and then running away laughing.
It's fucking strange how things "evolve" nowadays. Obviously i know kids of 8 or 10 y/o that instead of going outside and play, they waste their childhood in front of a computer playing video-games and chatting online. Well, this should be a good thing because internet is supposed to mean the best way of information providing infinite sources of knowledge. But... You all know the downside of this. You all know the "messenger" language and the "cool" language: instead of 'E' they use '3', instead of "i" they use "1" or "!", instead of "c" they use "k" and so on. You'd think they are getting wiser and their minds are stronger but it isn't quite so...
Then there's the other side. The ones that go outside and "play". Fun in their way?! Fuck yeah! Smokes, alcohool, spices, hip-hop and "manele" (you know what this is!) singing from fancy phones behind blocks. I was shocked a couple of days ago when i heard that a grown up was stabbed by a 11 y/o with a fucking screwdriver! The reason?! The dude didn't want to lend that kid a smoke! Well scream with me: HOLLY FUCKING FUCK! When i was that young all i was thinking about was getting money to buy a fancy plastic robot, a radio controlled car or shetloads of chocolate, sweets and juice! I hate myself for this but i am getting back to my older question "Is everything fucked up?" and the only answer i know is "Seems so!" Okay let's say i'm being judge mental here, you'd think that it's their life and they can do whatever they want with it but think about the future for a second. What will society become if the youth acts like this?
Still, i miss school, i miss high-school, i miss playing "Rentz" in the bar from 8 in the morning till 2 in the afternoon while struggling to drink a coffee in 4 hours. I miss throwing with eggs in the crowd during Easter night when everybody seems to forget its sins and head to a church for the Holly Light. I miss getting my ass kicked by mum for not being at home at 9 PM, i miss seeing one of my friends getting his ass kicked for stealing money from his mother after she finds out about it. I miss cursing old ladies for not letting me climb up tree, i miss making parachutes from bed lingerie and then throwing ourselves from the 1st floor of the kinder garden. I miss playing in the snow with boogies poring from my nose, i miss throwing a stick at tree branches for apricots or climbing up a tree up 'till the 3rd floor of a block just to get a handful of cherries, i miss falling down from a tree, i miss making boulders from wet dirt and throwing them at a wall. Fuck! I'm a nostalgic!
It's strange to walk through the neighborhood where you grew up and see that everything has changed. Some trees are no longer there, there are more cars, the fences which we used to climb are no more, the entrance doors from the block are painted in a different color, the old lady that was never letting you play football in front of her window is no longer there, the holes in the dirt where we used to throw coins are no longer there, the sidewalks where we used to draw with chalk are occupied by cars... Just remembering everything how it used to be seems to bring a strange smile upon your face, the feeling is awesome!
So work with me and let's invent a fucking time machine!
Anyway, i miss childhood. I hate growing older although when i was a kid all i wanted was to reach 18, to grow-up. I miss that time when i didn't know the meaning of words like: responsibility, worries, money or work. I miss hearing my mum saying "It's 9 o'clock! Go outside and play!", i miss playing with toy cars in the dirt, i miss playing 'hide and seek', i miss eating warm bread while playing football, i miss fighting with the other kids and after 30 minutes getting back to being friends, i miss watching Tom & Jerry, i miss playing "Flori, fete sau baieti" (sorry guys, idk any translation) or "Porcu rade/Ciocolata". I miss the concept of liking a girl back then, when we were literally kicking them to show our "love". I miss running like a freak all day long and i miss cursing older people and then running away laughing.
It's fucking strange how things "evolve" nowadays. Obviously i know kids of 8 or 10 y/o that instead of going outside and play, they waste their childhood in front of a computer playing video-games and chatting online. Well, this should be a good thing because internet is supposed to mean the best way of information providing infinite sources of knowledge. But... You all know the downside of this. You all know the "messenger" language and the "cool" language: instead of 'E' they use '3', instead of "i" they use "1" or "!", instead of "c" they use "k" and so on. You'd think they are getting wiser and their minds are stronger but it isn't quite so...
Then there's the other side. The ones that go outside and "play". Fun in their way?! Fuck yeah! Smokes, alcohool, spices, hip-hop and "manele" (you know what this is!) singing from fancy phones behind blocks. I was shocked a couple of days ago when i heard that a grown up was stabbed by a 11 y/o with a fucking screwdriver! The reason?! The dude didn't want to lend that kid a smoke! Well scream with me: HOLLY FUCKING FUCK! When i was that young all i was thinking about was getting money to buy a fancy plastic robot, a radio controlled car or shetloads of chocolate, sweets and juice! I hate myself for this but i am getting back to my older question "Is everything fucked up?" and the only answer i know is "Seems so!" Okay let's say i'm being judge mental here, you'd think that it's their life and they can do whatever they want with it but think about the future for a second. What will society become if the youth acts like this?
Still, i miss school, i miss high-school, i miss playing "Rentz" in the bar from 8 in the morning till 2 in the afternoon while struggling to drink a coffee in 4 hours. I miss throwing with eggs in the crowd during Easter night when everybody seems to forget its sins and head to a church for the Holly Light. I miss getting my ass kicked by mum for not being at home at 9 PM, i miss seeing one of my friends getting his ass kicked for stealing money from his mother after she finds out about it. I miss cursing old ladies for not letting me climb up tree, i miss making parachutes from bed lingerie and then throwing ourselves from the 1st floor of the kinder garden. I miss playing in the snow with boogies poring from my nose, i miss throwing a stick at tree branches for apricots or climbing up a tree up 'till the 3rd floor of a block just to get a handful of cherries, i miss falling down from a tree, i miss making boulders from wet dirt and throwing them at a wall. Fuck! I'm a nostalgic!
It's strange to walk through the neighborhood where you grew up and see that everything has changed. Some trees are no longer there, there are more cars, the fences which we used to climb are no more, the entrance doors from the block are painted in a different color, the old lady that was never letting you play football in front of her window is no longer there, the holes in the dirt where we used to throw coins are no longer there, the sidewalks where we used to draw with chalk are occupied by cars... Just remembering everything how it used to be seems to bring a strange smile upon your face, the feeling is awesome!
So work with me and let's invent a fucking time machine!
10/11/2010
I won't believe the lies that hide the truth!
I just feel the need to talk a little about the means of information nowadays. There's quite a few of them, some are extremely popular for some people, some less. It's true that a well informed human can consider himself one step ahead of others. But...
Why the fuck should i care about what different so called VIPs do daily?! Why the fuck all i seem to see on TV is related to what the president does in his private life or to what car some famous footballer crashed on his way back home from the disco? Why do they show us news about what 90 years old 'chick' has been raped by a sick 19 years old fuck? Why do they always talk about old people that complain about their pension when all i see is old people in supermarkets with their baskets filled with the best quality products out there? Why do they insist on what some famous dude or classy model said about the economy or about poor people?!
WE DUN FUCKING CARE! Or at least, we shouldn't care. But...
Obviously something's wrong. Sumthin's so fucking wrong!
D'oh! TV shows and newspapers rely on subjects like this because 90% of the population encourages them to do so! 90% of the people out there buy a newspaper everyday just to read about VIPs and their stupid mistakes. 90% of the people browsing the internet only look after news concerning music, films, modeling, fashion, cars and last but not least porn- which i have nuthin' against, i love it myself actually. Nevertheless, do you see my point?
You can't exactly call them means of information, can you? They dun inform you properly anymore, they just pull your attention away from the things that should concern you! Personally i've stopped watching the news or browsing for news on the internet a while ago.
What does information mean nowadays and how can you get it?! Well fuck me, except opening your eyes wider and looking around you, i have no fucking clue! It's obvious that in a world like this, where we care more about how rich people spend money or about who had sex with who cheating on his/hers wife/husband things will go from bad to worse. Have you seen the film 'Idiocracy'? If you haven't, you should! If you had, do you think that future is impossible to happen?!
I just wish that a few reporters or whoever decides what IMPORTANT news really are, would concentrate more on finding, investigating and then putting on display REAL solutions for nowadays problems. I'm talking about interviewing people that do make money during this period of time about how do they do it. I'm talking about helping the police catching thieves cuz obviously the police is to busy throwing their helmets on the ground. By thieves i'm refering to the ones that steal millions of dolars or euros. Also i would love to see this circus end. I'm talking about these stupid dumb-ass politicians that come to talk-shows with a huge smile on their face pretending everything's all right.
Obviously we need a change! Everybody's aware of that and everybody's saying it. But as i 'learned' at school today, the letter 'a' before the word 'change' represents an article showing nothing actually. Seems that nobody is able to say what exactly that change is...
And i still wants zupah powaz to fly away...
Why the fuck should i care about what different so called VIPs do daily?! Why the fuck all i seem to see on TV is related to what the president does in his private life or to what car some famous footballer crashed on his way back home from the disco? Why do they show us news about what 90 years old 'chick' has been raped by a sick 19 years old fuck? Why do they always talk about old people that complain about their pension when all i see is old people in supermarkets with their baskets filled with the best quality products out there? Why do they insist on what some famous dude or classy model said about the economy or about poor people?!
WE DUN FUCKING CARE! Or at least, we shouldn't care. But...
Obviously something's wrong. Sumthin's so fucking wrong!
D'oh! TV shows and newspapers rely on subjects like this because 90% of the population encourages them to do so! 90% of the people out there buy a newspaper everyday just to read about VIPs and their stupid mistakes. 90% of the people browsing the internet only look after news concerning music, films, modeling, fashion, cars and last but not least porn- which i have nuthin' against, i love it myself actually. Nevertheless, do you see my point?
You can't exactly call them means of information, can you? They dun inform you properly anymore, they just pull your attention away from the things that should concern you! Personally i've stopped watching the news or browsing for news on the internet a while ago.
What does information mean nowadays and how can you get it?! Well fuck me, except opening your eyes wider and looking around you, i have no fucking clue! It's obvious that in a world like this, where we care more about how rich people spend money or about who had sex with who cheating on his/hers wife/husband things will go from bad to worse. Have you seen the film 'Idiocracy'? If you haven't, you should! If you had, do you think that future is impossible to happen?!
I just wish that a few reporters or whoever decides what IMPORTANT news really are, would concentrate more on finding, investigating and then putting on display REAL solutions for nowadays problems. I'm talking about interviewing people that do make money during this period of time about how do they do it. I'm talking about helping the police catching thieves cuz obviously the police is to busy throwing their helmets on the ground. By thieves i'm refering to the ones that steal millions of dolars or euros. Also i would love to see this circus end. I'm talking about these stupid dumb-ass politicians that come to talk-shows with a huge smile on their face pretending everything's all right.
Obviously we need a change! Everybody's aware of that and everybody's saying it. But as i 'learned' at school today, the letter 'a' before the word 'change' represents an article showing nothing actually. Seems that nobody is able to say what exactly that change is...
And i still wants zupah powaz to fly away...
10/07/2010
The end
Am luat decizia de a mă opri aici cu postatul fabuloasei mele 'cărţi'. 'Riot' continuă dar o face pe caietul, foile şi pe unde mai scriu căci sunt tare împrăştiat.
Totuşi blog-ul nu am să-l închid, simt o nevoie ciudată de a-mi exprima sentimentele de furie sau fericire aici. Da, mi se pare un clişeu, nu sunt tocmai sigur că lumea o să citească ce voi scrie, ştiu că mă contrazic, am jurat că nu am să-mi fac blog ca să scriu viziunea mea asupra lumii dar în cele din urmă nu îmi pasă. Dacă mă simt bine făcând asta înseamnă că trebuie să continui să o fac şi o voi face în engleză pentru că mulţi prieteni ce nu sunt români mi-au cerut asta.
Here we go...
Everything seems to be fucked up!
Is it? Seems so. I have no idea why some of us need to go through such a big struggle in order to achieve just a small part of their dreams.
I used the plural form "we" because i would like... No, i WANT to believe that i am not the only one going through this phase. God knows it sucks big time. Going through shity jobs, meeting all sort of rich, ignorant and arrogant bastards that treat you like a small bug on the pavement, sleeping only a couple of hours each night because you are forcing your brain to find one simple solution that will make everything end, that'll bring sunshine on your face again, forcing yourself to smile in certain situations or leaning your head down and saying "yes sir, I apologise". Your plans change constantly because everything is variable and you find out that you depend on so many things. You need an awful amount of courage to quit something that doesn't quite works and start from scratch. Beside the guts, you also need to know that once you took that step you will more or less find yourself on your own and that most of the people that used to be your friends will just become random people which say "Hi!" to you from time to time and rarely ask you "Dude, how are? How's things going? Need a hand with that?".
It's true that almost all of us turn to God when facing a hard situation. I have no idea if there's really somebody up there watching over us and if that somebody really listens to our tiny prayer. Just a "God, let it be a good day today!" doesn't quite seem to do the trick. I, personally, believe that religion has absolutely nothing to do with our success or failure. We want something really bad, we gotta fight for it, we gotta make sacrifices, we gotta say no to a shitload of things and maybe, in the end, we gonna be able to achieve a small part of the 'something' that we fought for and then find out that we want a lot more. When the fight is over and we got what we wanted, that thing doesn't quite seem as appealing as it did before, doesn't it? We always need more, we always ask for more, we need new battles our entire life...
I tried a small 'exercise' i read about in a crazy-ass book. The exercise was actually about 'how to be good as a debutant writer' but i thought it applies very well to life. I've found a kick-ass emo song, you know, a deep, meaningful song that makes you think about life, eternity and so on and tried to visualize my entire life till that point. Took me a while to be honest but i saw that the moments when i was truly happy were kinda blurry. The moments when i felt anger, when i did mistakes, when i was in pain were crystal clear. I tried to do this in order to find out where i went wrong and avoid that road in the future- obviously, i couldn't repair my past mistakes. Found them, meditated on them a little and then i realized that there's really no fucking point in this. What exactly do i want to achieve?! Thanks to this amazing exercise my plans changed again...
I love that people say "First change yourself and then change the world!" or "Do something to make things better!" or "It's all up to you!" or "The fate of the Earth lays on our shoulders!" or "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Man, screw that stuff! For once i would like to find someone that will tell me exactly what i gotta do to make things right, a concrete solution. My mind seems to be retarded, i can't find it on my own no matter how much i try... Then again, you think global change can happen so easy?! Do you see that hope? You think that if you raise the awareness of people regarding a huge global problem they will all go "Holly crap! I will do something right now!" ? Hell no! They will all just say "Dude, that's fucked up indeed!" and the next second go back to their habits.
Countless days i've sat after getting off from work in the bus station with the headphones in my ears, without hearing nothing else except the music, and just watched things around me. Like i was out of my body, like i was an alien observing the human race. Everything IS fucked up! Everybody's running towards something. Some have a nice, plain road, others have a country-side one with lots of bumps and then there's the other that instead of a road have an amazingly high mountain to climb and the cliffs never end. To make things even more complicated for the 'climbers' some of the cliffs sometimes break under their weight sending them back to the beginning. "There will be ups and downs" saying Snoop Dogg in one of his songs but sometimes, those 'ups' are just bullshit.
To sum it all up, YES, i wants zupah powaz to fly far away from Earth!!
Totuşi blog-ul nu am să-l închid, simt o nevoie ciudată de a-mi exprima sentimentele de furie sau fericire aici. Da, mi se pare un clişeu, nu sunt tocmai sigur că lumea o să citească ce voi scrie, ştiu că mă contrazic, am jurat că nu am să-mi fac blog ca să scriu viziunea mea asupra lumii dar în cele din urmă nu îmi pasă. Dacă mă simt bine făcând asta înseamnă că trebuie să continui să o fac şi o voi face în engleză pentru că mulţi prieteni ce nu sunt români mi-au cerut asta.
Here we go...
Everything seems to be fucked up!
Is it? Seems so. I have no idea why some of us need to go through such a big struggle in order to achieve just a small part of their dreams.
I used the plural form "we" because i would like... No, i WANT to believe that i am not the only one going through this phase. God knows it sucks big time. Going through shity jobs, meeting all sort of rich, ignorant and arrogant bastards that treat you like a small bug on the pavement, sleeping only a couple of hours each night because you are forcing your brain to find one simple solution that will make everything end, that'll bring sunshine on your face again, forcing yourself to smile in certain situations or leaning your head down and saying "yes sir, I apologise". Your plans change constantly because everything is variable and you find out that you depend on so many things. You need an awful amount of courage to quit something that doesn't quite works and start from scratch. Beside the guts, you also need to know that once you took that step you will more or less find yourself on your own and that most of the people that used to be your friends will just become random people which say "Hi!" to you from time to time and rarely ask you "Dude, how are? How's things going? Need a hand with that?".
It's true that almost all of us turn to God when facing a hard situation. I have no idea if there's really somebody up there watching over us and if that somebody really listens to our tiny prayer. Just a "God, let it be a good day today!" doesn't quite seem to do the trick. I, personally, believe that religion has absolutely nothing to do with our success or failure. We want something really bad, we gotta fight for it, we gotta make sacrifices, we gotta say no to a shitload of things and maybe, in the end, we gonna be able to achieve a small part of the 'something' that we fought for and then find out that we want a lot more. When the fight is over and we got what we wanted, that thing doesn't quite seem as appealing as it did before, doesn't it? We always need more, we always ask for more, we need new battles our entire life...
I tried a small 'exercise' i read about in a crazy-ass book. The exercise was actually about 'how to be good as a debutant writer' but i thought it applies very well to life. I've found a kick-ass emo song, you know, a deep, meaningful song that makes you think about life, eternity and so on and tried to visualize my entire life till that point. Took me a while to be honest but i saw that the moments when i was truly happy were kinda blurry. The moments when i felt anger, when i did mistakes, when i was in pain were crystal clear. I tried to do this in order to find out where i went wrong and avoid that road in the future- obviously, i couldn't repair my past mistakes. Found them, meditated on them a little and then i realized that there's really no fucking point in this. What exactly do i want to achieve?! Thanks to this amazing exercise my plans changed again...
I love that people say "First change yourself and then change the world!" or "Do something to make things better!" or "It's all up to you!" or "The fate of the Earth lays on our shoulders!" or "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Man, screw that stuff! For once i would like to find someone that will tell me exactly what i gotta do to make things right, a concrete solution. My mind seems to be retarded, i can't find it on my own no matter how much i try... Then again, you think global change can happen so easy?! Do you see that hope? You think that if you raise the awareness of people regarding a huge global problem they will all go "Holly crap! I will do something right now!" ? Hell no! They will all just say "Dude, that's fucked up indeed!" and the next second go back to their habits.
Countless days i've sat after getting off from work in the bus station with the headphones in my ears, without hearing nothing else except the music, and just watched things around me. Like i was out of my body, like i was an alien observing the human race. Everything IS fucked up! Everybody's running towards something. Some have a nice, plain road, others have a country-side one with lots of bumps and then there's the other that instead of a road have an amazingly high mountain to climb and the cliffs never end. To make things even more complicated for the 'climbers' some of the cliffs sometimes break under their weight sending them back to the beginning. "There will be ups and downs" saying Snoop Dogg in one of his songs but sometimes, those 'ups' are just bullshit.
To sum it all up, YES, i wants zupah powaz to fly far away from Earth!!
9/15/2010
1000+ ways of global change
How i would change the world?
First of all i believe that we need to find out what "the world" is exactly for us. I for example, live in my own little world, which i love. It has tons of flaws but they are flaws that are accepted by me because they were born from me. That's right, I have my own universe, my own world with people that i allow inside.
If we look at the world as a total of 7 billion people... Oh well, this is a different story. It is extremely hard to change 1 person. It is almost impossible to take a group of people and make all of them have the same ideas, to fight for the same goals. Our world has, at the moment, 7 billion different pieces. Why we reached this point? I have no idea... Maybe it's because we live in a high-speed environment, maybe it's because happiness became overrated- we want money more than happiness, maybe we are too many and our thoughts interfere at a subconscious level in a negative way, maybe it's because we are going through a financial crisis, maybe it's because being a "good kid" and having good grades at school is so 2000 and late, maybe it's because we reached a point when because of your life experiences we only care about ourselves and a handful of other people, maybe it's because we became too old...
I do believe that in order to fix a problem we need to see what were the causes. Obviously some things are unchangeable. For example I saw countless of documentaries outlining the fact that we aren't appreciating what Planet Earth offers us, that we are wasting precious resources and that we need to start recycling now, to use alternative ways of getting for example electricity. Hell yea! I totally agree! I want to be Earth friendly too! But...
I may be wrong but as far as i know it takes ages for coal or oil to be naturally formed. It took like millions of years for a mountain to be created, it takes several decades for a tree to grow. It's true, if we start recycling now, our children children children children's will live in a better world. They will have a better living knowing that the Earth can sustain them for several generations more.
My question is: Why the hell we want to do this NOW? Why nobody else was trying to do the things we talk about at the moment like 50 or 100 years ago? Could it be because kids were kids till they became teenagers and teenagers till 30? Was life carefree then? Seriously now, are we doing our best to reach adulthood at the age of 20?! From my point of view this is stupid, I heard that being an adult sucks big time. I've been through crappy adult situations and after i managed to succeed, the joy wasn't quite as sweet as when i was 12 and Santa brought me a Tetris portable console.
Yep, being an adult sucks! Responsibility is painful! Our minds create for themselves an outer shell, like an armor, after each crappy situation we've been through. Either the ending was happy, either not, when we grow up our minds become harder to change. We "gain" our own strange ideas, our own conceptions based on what we've experienced so far. I won't claim I'm right about this and I'm sure that not all of us have this blockade at the intellectual level.
Getting back to the main topic, I think there are more than 1.000.000 ways to change the world but most likely only 10 of them have realistic chances to succeed. I keep seeing on TV politicians, business men and so on giving 10 years plans that have a chance to work. Okay, some of them sound realistic, achievable but WHAT IF they fail? We would lose 10 more precious years right?
What do WE need to do to change the world?( I do believe that each individual holds greater powers, powers beyond one's imagination but still... If you're not Superman, you can't quite change the world by yourself.) I think we need teamwork, i think we need to learn about something we never tried so far. We need to learn teamwork at a mental, intellectual level. It's easy to gather a hundred of people and clean up a polluted forest but you can't quite clean the entire planet by hand right? We need to learn to think together, in the same time, to unite our intellects and come up FAST with a valid solution. I will be realistic here and i am 100% sure that tons of people will judge me for this: I won't waste my youth, my "happiness", my life searching all by myself for a solution to heal the world. Humanity needed a few decades just to find out that you can create fire with two sticks...
Also I am pessimistic that my generation will be able to make a huge change in the world. To begin the process, yeah. I consider that my generation, together with 10 generations before us, should join hands and concentrate on changing the high-schoolers and even the ones younger than them. Let's face it, a kid has a huge influence on a grown-up. A little baby can instantly make you smile just by looking at you.
I'm a Christian, i believe we need a divinity to pray at but i don't think God or Allah or Buddha will help us this time. Let's face it, none of the above mentioned dug kilometers of tunnels under mountains, chopped off forests, erased mountains completely from the landscape, built enormous factories producing cars or simply burning coal. Neither God, Allah or Buddha thought about a way to win or to start a war and neither of them came with the idea of creating a weapon to kill millions in a blink of an eye and other millions over time. WE, we are the ones that did this. WE, the people. Why do we have such a big urge to change the world now? Because we aren't happy anymore, we are forced to exit that comfort zone that our grandparents lived in. It's true that we are facing the consequences of their mistakes but unfortunately we don't have where to run.
We gotta stand our ground and fight! WE! Together. 10% of my brain, 10% of yours, 10% of his, 10% of hers and so on. Sum it up and with only 10% of the world's population thinking about a way to make the world better, we will form 1 mega brain working at 7 billion% of it's intellect. Pretty amazing ha? But...
Can we do it? I sure like to think so because I, alone, all by myself, don't know any realistic way to change the world to better.
So change the title from "How i would change the world" to "How we should change the world"!
First of all i believe that we need to find out what "the world" is exactly for us. I for example, live in my own little world, which i love. It has tons of flaws but they are flaws that are accepted by me because they were born from me. That's right, I have my own universe, my own world with people that i allow inside.
If we look at the world as a total of 7 billion people... Oh well, this is a different story. It is extremely hard to change 1 person. It is almost impossible to take a group of people and make all of them have the same ideas, to fight for the same goals. Our world has, at the moment, 7 billion different pieces. Why we reached this point? I have no idea... Maybe it's because we live in a high-speed environment, maybe it's because happiness became overrated- we want money more than happiness, maybe we are too many and our thoughts interfere at a subconscious level in a negative way, maybe it's because we are going through a financial crisis, maybe it's because being a "good kid" and having good grades at school is so 2000 and late, maybe it's because we reached a point when because of your life experiences we only care about ourselves and a handful of other people, maybe it's because we became too old...
I do believe that in order to fix a problem we need to see what were the causes. Obviously some things are unchangeable. For example I saw countless of documentaries outlining the fact that we aren't appreciating what Planet Earth offers us, that we are wasting precious resources and that we need to start recycling now, to use alternative ways of getting for example electricity. Hell yea! I totally agree! I want to be Earth friendly too! But...
I may be wrong but as far as i know it takes ages for coal or oil to be naturally formed. It took like millions of years for a mountain to be created, it takes several decades for a tree to grow. It's true, if we start recycling now, our children children children children's will live in a better world. They will have a better living knowing that the Earth can sustain them for several generations more.
My question is: Why the hell we want to do this NOW? Why nobody else was trying to do the things we talk about at the moment like 50 or 100 years ago? Could it be because kids were kids till they became teenagers and teenagers till 30? Was life carefree then? Seriously now, are we doing our best to reach adulthood at the age of 20?! From my point of view this is stupid, I heard that being an adult sucks big time. I've been through crappy adult situations and after i managed to succeed, the joy wasn't quite as sweet as when i was 12 and Santa brought me a Tetris portable console.
Yep, being an adult sucks! Responsibility is painful! Our minds create for themselves an outer shell, like an armor, after each crappy situation we've been through. Either the ending was happy, either not, when we grow up our minds become harder to change. We "gain" our own strange ideas, our own conceptions based on what we've experienced so far. I won't claim I'm right about this and I'm sure that not all of us have this blockade at the intellectual level.
Getting back to the main topic, I think there are more than 1.000.000 ways to change the world but most likely only 10 of them have realistic chances to succeed. I keep seeing on TV politicians, business men and so on giving 10 years plans that have a chance to work. Okay, some of them sound realistic, achievable but WHAT IF they fail? We would lose 10 more precious years right?
What do WE need to do to change the world?( I do believe that each individual holds greater powers, powers beyond one's imagination but still... If you're not Superman, you can't quite change the world by yourself.) I think we need teamwork, i think we need to learn about something we never tried so far. We need to learn teamwork at a mental, intellectual level. It's easy to gather a hundred of people and clean up a polluted forest but you can't quite clean the entire planet by hand right? We need to learn to think together, in the same time, to unite our intellects and come up FAST with a valid solution. I will be realistic here and i am 100% sure that tons of people will judge me for this: I won't waste my youth, my "happiness", my life searching all by myself for a solution to heal the world. Humanity needed a few decades just to find out that you can create fire with two sticks...
Also I am pessimistic that my generation will be able to make a huge change in the world. To begin the process, yeah. I consider that my generation, together with 10 generations before us, should join hands and concentrate on changing the high-schoolers and even the ones younger than them. Let's face it, a kid has a huge influence on a grown-up. A little baby can instantly make you smile just by looking at you.
I'm a Christian, i believe we need a divinity to pray at but i don't think God or Allah or Buddha will help us this time. Let's face it, none of the above mentioned dug kilometers of tunnels under mountains, chopped off forests, erased mountains completely from the landscape, built enormous factories producing cars or simply burning coal. Neither God, Allah or Buddha thought about a way to win or to start a war and neither of them came with the idea of creating a weapon to kill millions in a blink of an eye and other millions over time. WE, we are the ones that did this. WE, the people. Why do we have such a big urge to change the world now? Because we aren't happy anymore, we are forced to exit that comfort zone that our grandparents lived in. It's true that we are facing the consequences of their mistakes but unfortunately we don't have where to run.
We gotta stand our ground and fight! WE! Together. 10% of my brain, 10% of yours, 10% of his, 10% of hers and so on. Sum it up and with only 10% of the world's population thinking about a way to make the world better, we will form 1 mega brain working at 7 billion% of it's intellect. Pretty amazing ha? But...
Can we do it? I sure like to think so because I, alone, all by myself, don't know any realistic way to change the world to better.
So change the title from "How i would change the world" to "How we should change the world"!
9/13/2010
It's been a while...
Ştiu că a trecut extrem de mult de la ultima postare şi că probabil nimeni nu a mai dat pe aici să vadă ce pânze de păianjen au crescut. Am fost puţin nehotărât şi confuz în ultima perioadă, neştiind dacă să mai continui să postez sau dacă să păstrez pentru mine şi cel mai fidel cititor al meu, mama.
Am luat decizia de a continua să postez o parte din roman aici. Aşadar va mai urma un capitol din 'Riot' precedat de un articol pe care vreau să îl scriu de ceva timp. Am marea rugăminte la cei care mai citesc din când în când să îşi dea cu părerea, să îmi dea feedback, indiferent dacă e pozitiv sau negativ. Aici, pe facebook sau pe messenger...
Aşadar voi posta încă un episod din 'Riot' pe 17 Septembrie şi vă implor: daţi-mi feedback!
Best of wishes!
Am luat decizia de a continua să postez o parte din roman aici. Aşadar va mai urma un capitol din 'Riot' precedat de un articol pe care vreau să îl scriu de ceva timp. Am marea rugăminte la cei care mai citesc din când în când să îşi dea cu părerea, să îmi dea feedback, indiferent dacă e pozitiv sau negativ. Aici, pe facebook sau pe messenger...
Aşadar voi posta încă un episod din 'Riot' pe 17 Septembrie şi vă implor: daţi-mi feedback!
Best of wishes!
8/20/2010
'Riot' - Chapter II: Iniţierea [ Episodul 10]
Axe cel visător şi cu capul mereu în nori până mai acum câteva zile era pe de-o parte uimit şi sceptic, pe de alta mândru şi nerăbdător. Puteri supranaturale?! Divinităţi şi pericole întunecate?! El, salvatorul?! Asta şi-a dorit toată viaţa dar acum când dorinţa i-a devenit realitate parcă numai era la fel de frumos, numai suna la fel de bine ca în imaginaţia lui. Nu se considera încă pregătit să-şi sacrifice viaţa pentru a salva nişte necunoscuţi...
-Suntem ochi şi urechi. Despre ce vorbiţi?! Întrebă Dana privindu-l pe Axe cu o determinare şi un curaj nemaiîntâlnit.
-Axe? Întrebă Isis. Eşti sigur pregătit pentru asta?!
-Isis, te rog frumos, m-am născut pregătit!
Cu toţii zâmbiră scurt şi o linişte plăcută inundă întreaga cameră. Încrederea celor 2 adolescenţi în Isis şi Sonya a revenit la 100% iar prin vene adrenalina începu să pulseze la simplul gând că ei 4 vor fi responsabili de ceva măreţ.
-Cum am zis mai devreme, e vremea lecţiei de istorie. Pentru a vă putea atinge potenţialul maxim şi pentru a putea face faţă la ceea ce urmează trebuie să mergem înapoi la origini şi trebuie să învăţaţi şi să înţelegeţi absolut tot. Spuse Isis stând cu mâinile încrucişate la piept.
-De la cele 4 elemente care stau la baza oricărui lucru sau fiinţă, la simboluri, numere, ştiinţă, fizică, alchemie, magie, legende, toate trebuie stăpânite la perfecţiune, după care puteţi face călătoria şi puteţi completa transformarea. Ceea ce urmează e simpla voastră iniţiere.
-Te referi la artele oculte? Întrebă Axe.
-Într-o oarecare măsură. Isis, le spui tu despre cele 4 elemente?
-Mhm! Femeia dădu simplu din cap în semn de afirmaţie şi trase adânc aer în piept. Sunt 4 elemente la originea oricărui lucru: Foc, Pământ, Apă şi Aer. Fiecare are 2 calităţi specifice. Focul... Isis îşi ridică mâna dreaptă în poziţie orizontală şi o flacără destul de puternică îşi făcu apariţia în palma sa, speriindu-i puţin pe cei 2 adolescenţi. Este fierbinte şi uscat, Pământul... Femeia întoarse palma invers şi smulse o bucată de rocă din podea fără a o atinge. Este uscat şi rece, Apa... Isis privi spre o mică urzică ce îşi croise drum până în dreptul geamului şi cu o simplă strângere a pumnului o uscă, mutând toată apa din ea şi lăsând-o să curgă pe masa din mijlocul camerei. Este rece şi udă, iar Aerul este umed şi fierbinte. Aşadar elementele sunt contrarii 2 câte 2. Foc şi Apă, Pământ şi Aer. De-asemenea Pământul şi Apa sunt grele în timp ce Aerul şi Focul sunt uşoare. Totuşi Plato le-a separat altfel, după 3 calităţi distincte: Focul este strălucitor, puţin dens şi mobil în timp ce Pământul este întunecat, dens şi imobil. Aşadar Focul şi Pământul sunt contrarii. Celelalte 2 elemente împrumută calităţile de la precedentele. Aşadar Aerul primeşte 2 calităţi de la Foc: puţin dens şi mobil şi una de la Pământ: întunecat. În acelaşi mod Apa primeşte 2 de la Pământ: întunecată şi densă şi una de la foc: mobilă. Dar Focul este de 2 ori mai dens ca Aerul, de 3 ori mai mobil şi de 4 ori mai strălucitor; Aerul este de 2 ori mai strălucitor, de 3 ori mai puţin dens şi de 4 ori mai mobil decât Apa. Aşadar Apa este de 2 ori mai luminoasă decât Pământul, de 3 ori mai puţin densă şi de 4 ori mai mobilă. Precum este Focul pentru Aer, aşa este Aerul pentru Apă, Apa pentru Pământ şi iarăşi Pământul pentru Apă, aşa este Apa pentru Aer şi aşa este Aerul pentru Foc. Aceasta este fundaţia tuturor trupurilor şi a minunatelor creaţii din jurul nostru.
-Uau! Nu am înţeles nimic! Spuse Axe scărpinându-se după ceafă.
-Cel ce va cunoaşte aceste calităţi ale elementelor şi felul în care interacţionează va putea creea cu uşurinţă lucruri la fel de minunate şi va fi perfect în magie. Toate aceste cuvinte îl lăsară mască pe băiat şi nu din cauză că sunau a fantezie ci pentru că veniră din gura Danei.
-Ce dracu?! Se miră Axe încruntat.
Dana replică doar printr-un zâmbet şi îşi întoarse privirea spre Sonya.
-Bravo Dana! Uimitor! Ai reuşit să foloseşti întreaga capacitate intelectuală pentru a trage concluzia! Sonya îi zâmbi călduros fetei şi îşi întoarse privirea spre Axe. Stai liniştit, deşi nu realizezi acum, tot ce a spus Isis ţi s-a întipărit bine în minte.
-Înainte să închei cu Elementele trebuie să vă menţionez despre cele care de fapt şi de drept nici nu sunt Elemente. Sunt variabile şi se pot transforma unul în altul. Sunt temutele medii supranumite Sufletul Naturii Mijlocii. Sunt foarte puţini care au înţeles misterele ce le înconjoară. În aceste elemente se află numere, grade, ordini, perfecţiunea oricărui efect din orice, fie natural, celestial sau supercelestial; sunt pline de minuni şi mistere. Din aceste elemente şi prin ele purced legăturile, diviziunile şi transmutaţiile tuturor lucrurilor, prezicerea celor ce vor urma, contactarea răului sau a spiritelor bune.
Axe şi Dana au schimbat priviri de nedumerire, au ridicat din umeri şi şi-au întors privirea spre cele 2 femei.
-Isis? Băiatul făcu o pauză. Ştiu că întrebarea mea nu-şi are rostul acum dar am nevoie de răspuns pentru a merge mai departe. Am nevoie de o motivaţie puternică.
-Ce e Axe?
-David a plecat grăbit şi a spus că ne veţi oferi detalii. Despre ce e vorba?
-Of... Isis oftă şi îşi întoarse privirea spre podea.
-Dă-mi voie te rog! O întrerupse Dana privindu-l pe Axe. Când ne-am oprit la benzinărie şi ţi-am dat lista de cumpărături, eu şi David am plecat pentru că eram urmăriţi de cineva. El nu a vurt să te implice aşa că te-am lăsat acolo. Urmăritorul era o simplă femeie, inofensivă la prima vedere dar care s-a dovedit rău intenţionată. Ea m-a împuşcat în umăr după care David a băgat 4 gloanţe în ea. Fata făcuse o pauză amintindu-şi de rană şi întrebându-se de ce nu o mai doare deloc.
-Aha, super! Aţi omorât o femeie. Să înţeleg că el a plecat pentru că a aflat poliţia.
-Nu tocmai... Vezi tu, Sonya mi-a spus că glonţul avea otravă în el şi că puteam fi moartă dacă nu-şi dădea seama. Pe lângă asta...
-Continuă... Axe se încruntă, povestea era deja exagerată pentru el şi era curios ce va urma.
-Femeia, deşi împuşcată de 4 ori, s-a ridicat şi a fugit mai repede decât o poate face un om normal.
-Aşa...
-Înţelege că nu a murit! Gloanţele erau în ea dar nicio picătură de sânge nu a curs! Nici măcar nu o durea, s-a ridicat şi a dispărut extrem de repede!
-Dana, din moment ce nu a tras cu flăcări pe fund, presupun că era doar drogată...
-Te înşeli Axe... E vorba de Lirael! Spuse Isis privind podeaua mâhnită.
Va urma...
-Suntem ochi şi urechi. Despre ce vorbiţi?! Întrebă Dana privindu-l pe Axe cu o determinare şi un curaj nemaiîntâlnit.
-Axe? Întrebă Isis. Eşti sigur pregătit pentru asta?!
-Isis, te rog frumos, m-am născut pregătit!
Cu toţii zâmbiră scurt şi o linişte plăcută inundă întreaga cameră. Încrederea celor 2 adolescenţi în Isis şi Sonya a revenit la 100% iar prin vene adrenalina începu să pulseze la simplul gând că ei 4 vor fi responsabili de ceva măreţ.
-Cum am zis mai devreme, e vremea lecţiei de istorie. Pentru a vă putea atinge potenţialul maxim şi pentru a putea face faţă la ceea ce urmează trebuie să mergem înapoi la origini şi trebuie să învăţaţi şi să înţelegeţi absolut tot. Spuse Isis stând cu mâinile încrucişate la piept.
-De la cele 4 elemente care stau la baza oricărui lucru sau fiinţă, la simboluri, numere, ştiinţă, fizică, alchemie, magie, legende, toate trebuie stăpânite la perfecţiune, după care puteţi face călătoria şi puteţi completa transformarea. Ceea ce urmează e simpla voastră iniţiere.
-Te referi la artele oculte? Întrebă Axe.
-Într-o oarecare măsură. Isis, le spui tu despre cele 4 elemente?
-Mhm! Femeia dădu simplu din cap în semn de afirmaţie şi trase adânc aer în piept. Sunt 4 elemente la originea oricărui lucru: Foc, Pământ, Apă şi Aer. Fiecare are 2 calităţi specifice. Focul... Isis îşi ridică mâna dreaptă în poziţie orizontală şi o flacără destul de puternică îşi făcu apariţia în palma sa, speriindu-i puţin pe cei 2 adolescenţi. Este fierbinte şi uscat, Pământul... Femeia întoarse palma invers şi smulse o bucată de rocă din podea fără a o atinge. Este uscat şi rece, Apa... Isis privi spre o mică urzică ce îşi croise drum până în dreptul geamului şi cu o simplă strângere a pumnului o uscă, mutând toată apa din ea şi lăsând-o să curgă pe masa din mijlocul camerei. Este rece şi udă, iar Aerul este umed şi fierbinte. Aşadar elementele sunt contrarii 2 câte 2. Foc şi Apă, Pământ şi Aer. De-asemenea Pământul şi Apa sunt grele în timp ce Aerul şi Focul sunt uşoare. Totuşi Plato le-a separat altfel, după 3 calităţi distincte: Focul este strălucitor, puţin dens şi mobil în timp ce Pământul este întunecat, dens şi imobil. Aşadar Focul şi Pământul sunt contrarii. Celelalte 2 elemente împrumută calităţile de la precedentele. Aşadar Aerul primeşte 2 calităţi de la Foc: puţin dens şi mobil şi una de la Pământ: întunecat. În acelaşi mod Apa primeşte 2 de la Pământ: întunecată şi densă şi una de la foc: mobilă. Dar Focul este de 2 ori mai dens ca Aerul, de 3 ori mai mobil şi de 4 ori mai strălucitor; Aerul este de 2 ori mai strălucitor, de 3 ori mai puţin dens şi de 4 ori mai mobil decât Apa. Aşadar Apa este de 2 ori mai luminoasă decât Pământul, de 3 ori mai puţin densă şi de 4 ori mai mobilă. Precum este Focul pentru Aer, aşa este Aerul pentru Apă, Apa pentru Pământ şi iarăşi Pământul pentru Apă, aşa este Apa pentru Aer şi aşa este Aerul pentru Foc. Aceasta este fundaţia tuturor trupurilor şi a minunatelor creaţii din jurul nostru.
-Uau! Nu am înţeles nimic! Spuse Axe scărpinându-se după ceafă.
-Cel ce va cunoaşte aceste calităţi ale elementelor şi felul în care interacţionează va putea creea cu uşurinţă lucruri la fel de minunate şi va fi perfect în magie. Toate aceste cuvinte îl lăsară mască pe băiat şi nu din cauză că sunau a fantezie ci pentru că veniră din gura Danei.
-Ce dracu?! Se miră Axe încruntat.
Dana replică doar printr-un zâmbet şi îşi întoarse privirea spre Sonya.
-Bravo Dana! Uimitor! Ai reuşit să foloseşti întreaga capacitate intelectuală pentru a trage concluzia! Sonya îi zâmbi călduros fetei şi îşi întoarse privirea spre Axe. Stai liniştit, deşi nu realizezi acum, tot ce a spus Isis ţi s-a întipărit bine în minte.
-Înainte să închei cu Elementele trebuie să vă menţionez despre cele care de fapt şi de drept nici nu sunt Elemente. Sunt variabile şi se pot transforma unul în altul. Sunt temutele medii supranumite Sufletul Naturii Mijlocii. Sunt foarte puţini care au înţeles misterele ce le înconjoară. În aceste elemente se află numere, grade, ordini, perfecţiunea oricărui efect din orice, fie natural, celestial sau supercelestial; sunt pline de minuni şi mistere. Din aceste elemente şi prin ele purced legăturile, diviziunile şi transmutaţiile tuturor lucrurilor, prezicerea celor ce vor urma, contactarea răului sau a spiritelor bune.
Axe şi Dana au schimbat priviri de nedumerire, au ridicat din umeri şi şi-au întors privirea spre cele 2 femei.
-Isis? Băiatul făcu o pauză. Ştiu că întrebarea mea nu-şi are rostul acum dar am nevoie de răspuns pentru a merge mai departe. Am nevoie de o motivaţie puternică.
-Ce e Axe?
-David a plecat grăbit şi a spus că ne veţi oferi detalii. Despre ce e vorba?
-Of... Isis oftă şi îşi întoarse privirea spre podea.
-Dă-mi voie te rog! O întrerupse Dana privindu-l pe Axe. Când ne-am oprit la benzinărie şi ţi-am dat lista de cumpărături, eu şi David am plecat pentru că eram urmăriţi de cineva. El nu a vurt să te implice aşa că te-am lăsat acolo. Urmăritorul era o simplă femeie, inofensivă la prima vedere dar care s-a dovedit rău intenţionată. Ea m-a împuşcat în umăr după care David a băgat 4 gloanţe în ea. Fata făcuse o pauză amintindu-şi de rană şi întrebându-se de ce nu o mai doare deloc.
-Aha, super! Aţi omorât o femeie. Să înţeleg că el a plecat pentru că a aflat poliţia.
-Nu tocmai... Vezi tu, Sonya mi-a spus că glonţul avea otravă în el şi că puteam fi moartă dacă nu-şi dădea seama. Pe lângă asta...
-Continuă... Axe se încruntă, povestea era deja exagerată pentru el şi era curios ce va urma.
-Femeia, deşi împuşcată de 4 ori, s-a ridicat şi a fugit mai repede decât o poate face un om normal.
-Aşa...
-Înţelege că nu a murit! Gloanţele erau în ea dar nicio picătură de sânge nu a curs! Nici măcar nu o durea, s-a ridicat şi a dispărut extrem de repede!
-Dana, din moment ce nu a tras cu flăcări pe fund, presupun că era doar drogată...
-Te înşeli Axe... E vorba de Lirael! Spuse Isis privind podeaua mâhnită.
Va urma...
8/17/2010
'Riot' - Chapter II: Iniţierea [ Episodul 9]
David închise telefonul şi se întoarse în bucătăria casei 'sculptată' în deal. Privirea sa era pierdută ca şi cum spiritul său zburda pe alte meleaguri, furia i se citea pe figură dar întregul său corp emana determinare şi curaj. Isis îl privi oarecum îngrijorată stând spirjinită de masa din mijloc cu mâinile încrucişate la piept. Îşi cunoştea fiul şi nu avea nevoie de explicaţii. Ceva rău urma să se întâmple putea simţi asta cu întreg spiritul său iar privirea lui David nu făcea decât să-i întărească premoniţia. Nu era vorba de ceva banal, nu era o altă misiune ce necesita pistoale şi explozibil, nu era o simplă informaţie ce le strică planurile de a curăţa lumea de răfăcători. Era clipa adevărului, venise momentul ca atât ea cât şi sora ei geamănă, împreună cu David şi cei 2 adolescenţi să-şi înfrunte destinul, să actţioneze în direcţia ce le-a fost menită. O privire direct în ochii fiului său şi Isis auzi 'E timpul!'.
-E timpul! Isis, Sonya, e rândul vostru! Eu trebuie să plec să mă întâlnesc cu Jerry şi Luci. MYOL e în criză...
-Cum?! Întrebă Dana stupefiată, ridicându-şi capul de pe braţe.
-Pft! Exclamă Axe dând din mâna dreaptă ca şi cum s-ar fi aşteptat la asta.
-Isis şi Sonya vă vor da detalii, vă vor explica de ce e musai să plec aşa grăbit. Pe 12 August ne întâlnim aici, la ora 23:00. David îi înmână Danei o foaie de hârtie cu nişte numere pe ea. Îi puse mâna dreaptă pe umărul stâng şi o privi fix în ochi vorbind oarecum în şoaptă.Mă bazez pe tine! Sper că nu ai uitat ce am discutat în legătură cu... Şi făcu un semn subtil din cap spre Axe după care o pupă călduros pe frunte.
-Nu am uitat, stai liniştit, e pe mâini bune! Replică fata făcându-i din ochi şi zâmbind ca şi cum nimic nu s-ar fi întâmplat.
-Mamă... Axe, ştiu că a rămas totul în plop dar jur că mă voi revanşa. Tu vei fi bărbatul aici în lipsa mea, te rog să ai grijă de toţi! Spuse David privind spre geam.
-Da, cum spui tu... Răspunse băiatul mâhnit.
Fără să mai scoată un sunet David se întoarse şi păşi în beznă. După câteva secunde motorul maşinii sparse liniştea din bucătărie şi automobilul bărbatului se îndepărtă rapid. Toţi cei 4 rămaseră secunde bune cu privirile aţintite pe fereastră, gânditori.
-Bun. Spuse Sonya. Isis, începem?
-Mhm! Replică cea din urmă zâmbind malefic.
-Să începem ce? Să facem de mâncare?! Spuse Axe sarcastic în timp ce Dana îi aprobă nedumerirea printr-un zâmbet scurt.
-În niciun caz! E timpul să vă transformaţi, să vă lămuriţi, să simţiţi şi să învăţaţi ca la momentul oportun să acţionaţi negreşit.
-Ha-ha-ha! Râse Axe isteric.
Isis făcu un semn simplu din mâna dreaptă trecând-o încet prin aer şi glasul băiatului pieri instantaneu. Dana tresări de pe scaun ridicându-se într-o clipită în picioare şi năpustindu-se spre femeie.
-Dana... Spuse Sonya pe un ton ciudat ca şi cum ar fi dezamăgită, după care ridică brusc mâinile şi fără a o atinge, o imobiliză pe roşcată. Stai jos te rog! Gesticulând simplu prin aer şi ţinându-şi privirea aţintită spre Dana, o făcu să se aşeze înapoi pe alt scaun lângă Axe.
Nici roşcata, nici băiatul numai înţelegeau nimic. I-a adus David aici pentru a fi chinuiţi de gemenele astea ciudate? Amândoi încetară să se zbată, tăcură, lăsându-şi inimile să bată atât de puternic încât zgomotele puteau fi auzite în întreaga cameră.
-Uite cât de speriaţi sunt! Isis, vezi? Întrebă Sonya vizibil amuzată de situaţie.
-Nu trebuie să vă fie teamă. Noi nu suntem aici să vă facem rău. Vrem doar respect şi linişte, vrem doar să închideţi orice altă legătură cu exteriorul. Uitaţi absolut tot ce sunteţi, tot ce aţi învăţat până acum şi deschideţi-vă complet mintea şi simţurile. E timpul pentru lecţia de istorie!
-Până nu atingeţi amândoi starea necesară nu vom începe bineînţeles! Spuse Sonya lăsând mâinile jos.
Atât Dana cât şi Axe nu ascultaseră absolut niciun cuvânt din gura lui Isis şi încercau din răsputeri să scape din starea de imobilitate. Roşcata o privea încruntată pe Sonya, clar iritată de situaţie, venele începând să i se umfle în întreg corpul. Îşi concentră toată puetrea şi furia şi reuşi să scoată câteva cuvinte:
-Ce dracu sunteţi?!
-Ghizi spirituali pentru voi. Răspunse Isis zâmbind. Degeaba te enervezi. Chiar dacă ştii că ai o latură divină şi puternică nu o poţi controla acum. Haideţi, intraţi în hora noastră şi veţi vedea că nu vorbim aiurea. Relaxaţi-vă!
-Credeţi că am mai sta să vă luăm cu vorba dacă vă voiam răul?! Întrebă Sonya stând cu mâinile încucişate la piept.
-Uite... Vă place rock-ul? Să ascultăm o piesă liniştită şi să ne relaxăm cu toţii. De nicăieri muzica începu să cânte. Era o piesă calmă, cuvintele solistei mângâind uşor şi călduros urechile tinerilor şi parcă obligându-i să uite orice necaz, manipulându-i să se calmeze.
Axe închise ochii mânat de vocea plăcută din piesă şi instantaneu pătrunse într-un alt univers. Universul său, universul numit Axe. El era Soarele în jurul căruia se învârtea ceilalţi, el era nucleul tuturor lucrurilor, el era atotştiutorul, el era viaţa. O fulgerare îl trezi înapoi la realitate căci într-o secundă îşi văzu absolut toată viaţa de până acum. Singura chestie ciudată era că o privea din exterior, observându-se pe sine. Deschise ochii şi văzu pe feţele celor 2 femei bucurie, ambele radiind lumină. Îşi mută privirea spre Dana şi o văzu şi pe ea radiind a fericire, o văzu mai frumoasă ca niciodată, strălucitoare precum o zână fermecată.
-Bravo! Aţi făcut şi pasul ăsta!
-Mhm! Spuneţi-mi, ce vedeţi în jurul nostru? Întrebă Sonya depărtându-şi puţin mâinile de corp.
-O lumină ciudată dar extrem de plăcută vederii. Replică Dana uimită. Şi Axe emană acelaşi lucru!
-Mda, e aura noastră presupun. Spuse băiatul oarecum neimpresionat.
-Exact Axe. Orice om are aşa ceva doar că doar 0,1% din ei pot vedea ce vedeţi voi acum. Clarifică Isis situaţia prompt.
-Ştiţi cât la sută din capacitatea creierului foloseşte un om normal pentru activităţile de zi cu zi? Întrebă Sonya.
-Doar 10%. Răspunse Dana fără a ezita.
-Restul doarme. 90% din capacitatea intelectuală a omului stă şi taie frunză la câini. Aşa de mare e risipa, atât de mult din potenţialul său aruncă un om normal pe apa sâmbetei.
-Bine. Voi două sunteţi şcolite, inteligente şi chestii de genu dar locuiţi sub un deal, izolate de lume. Ce spuneaţi de irosirea capacităţilor?! În loc să şedeţi aici indiferente în propria zonă de comfort ieşiţi acolo! Urlă Axe arătând cu degetul spre pădure. Ieşiţi din cocioaba asta şi schimbaţi ceva în căcatul ăsta de lume. Dintre noi 4, eu sunt singurul care timp de 20 de ani a crescut printre javre pe 2 picioare, a trecut prin situaţii de căcat, a fost făcut să creadă că totul se rezumă la bani, a fost trădat, înşelat şi călcat în picioare. Cu siguranţă întreaga omenire a apucat-o pe drumul greşit dar dacă stăm şi ne doare în cur de ceilalţi nu suntem cu nimic mai buni decât un om de rând!
-Axe... Oftă adânc Isis încrucişându-şi mâinile la piept şi privind în stânga, spre podea. Tu ai spus mai devreme ca o dată ce capeţi puteri mari capeţi şi responsabilităţi pe măsură. Ei bine, eu aş mai adăuga că te alegi şi cu pericole mari. Lumea despre care vorbeşti tu e un nimic. De-aş sta să mă gândesc, oamenii de rând sunt cei fericiţi, nu noi două.
-Axe... Interveni şi Sonya ce-l privi fix în ochi. Eu şi sora mea suntem pe tărâmul ăsta de atât de mult timp încât...
-Încât abia acum ne-am hotărât să acţionăm. Suntem la fel de bătrâne ca însuşi dealul dar mai fricoase ca nişte viermi, mai speriate ca un iepure în farurile unei maşini. O întrerupse Isis pe sora sa geamănă mutându-şi privirea spre băiat.
-Fraţii cei mari ai omenirii îşi dau acum osteneala să ne pregătească pentru apropiatul mare pas care ne va ţine trează conştiinţa şi ne va alunga frica de moarte. Aceasta ne va ajuta să îmbinăm fizicul cu astralul într-o legătură atât de strânsă încât să se formeze, de fapt, un singur plan de conştiinţă. Se va ajunge astfel la o integritate a neamului omenesc cum n-a mai fost niciodată şi aceasta se va întâmpla o dată cu unificarea aspectelor planetare care-l va face pe om să stabilească legături operante şi frăţeşti cu toate celelalte vieţuitoare din univers. Planurile de existenţă vor fi unificate, precum sufletul cu trupul. Această unificare a fost deja efectuată între nivelul spiritual şi cel fizic, în cazul vostru şi trebuie să se efectueze între cel fizic şi cel astral pentru a vă atinge adevăratul potenţial. Credeţi că un muncitorde rând stă cu gândul la aşa ceva?! De aţi ştii cu ce ne vom confrunta aţi înţelege cât de mare este responsabilitatea noastră!
Cuvintele ce ieşiră din gura Soniei îi lăsară mască pe cei 2 adolescenţi. Seriozitatea cu care le rosti le dădu de înţeles că cele 2 femei nu sunt două ţăcănite care vorbesc despre paranormal. Punând la socoteală şi lucrurile la care fură martori în ultimele 24 de ore, Axe şi Dana începură să simtă o energie interioară supremă. Începură să creadă.
Va continua...
-E timpul! Isis, Sonya, e rândul vostru! Eu trebuie să plec să mă întâlnesc cu Jerry şi Luci. MYOL e în criză...
-Cum?! Întrebă Dana stupefiată, ridicându-şi capul de pe braţe.
-Pft! Exclamă Axe dând din mâna dreaptă ca şi cum s-ar fi aşteptat la asta.
-Isis şi Sonya vă vor da detalii, vă vor explica de ce e musai să plec aşa grăbit. Pe 12 August ne întâlnim aici, la ora 23:00. David îi înmână Danei o foaie de hârtie cu nişte numere pe ea. Îi puse mâna dreaptă pe umărul stâng şi o privi fix în ochi vorbind oarecum în şoaptă.Mă bazez pe tine! Sper că nu ai uitat ce am discutat în legătură cu... Şi făcu un semn subtil din cap spre Axe după care o pupă călduros pe frunte.
-Nu am uitat, stai liniştit, e pe mâini bune! Replică fata făcându-i din ochi şi zâmbind ca şi cum nimic nu s-ar fi întâmplat.
-Mamă... Axe, ştiu că a rămas totul în plop dar jur că mă voi revanşa. Tu vei fi bărbatul aici în lipsa mea, te rog să ai grijă de toţi! Spuse David privind spre geam.
-Da, cum spui tu... Răspunse băiatul mâhnit.
Fără să mai scoată un sunet David se întoarse şi păşi în beznă. După câteva secunde motorul maşinii sparse liniştea din bucătărie şi automobilul bărbatului se îndepărtă rapid. Toţi cei 4 rămaseră secunde bune cu privirile aţintite pe fereastră, gânditori.
-Bun. Spuse Sonya. Isis, începem?
-Mhm! Replică cea din urmă zâmbind malefic.
-Să începem ce? Să facem de mâncare?! Spuse Axe sarcastic în timp ce Dana îi aprobă nedumerirea printr-un zâmbet scurt.
-În niciun caz! E timpul să vă transformaţi, să vă lămuriţi, să simţiţi şi să învăţaţi ca la momentul oportun să acţionaţi negreşit.
-Ha-ha-ha! Râse Axe isteric.
Isis făcu un semn simplu din mâna dreaptă trecând-o încet prin aer şi glasul băiatului pieri instantaneu. Dana tresări de pe scaun ridicându-se într-o clipită în picioare şi năpustindu-se spre femeie.
-Dana... Spuse Sonya pe un ton ciudat ca şi cum ar fi dezamăgită, după care ridică brusc mâinile şi fără a o atinge, o imobiliză pe roşcată. Stai jos te rog! Gesticulând simplu prin aer şi ţinându-şi privirea aţintită spre Dana, o făcu să se aşeze înapoi pe alt scaun lângă Axe.
Nici roşcata, nici băiatul numai înţelegeau nimic. I-a adus David aici pentru a fi chinuiţi de gemenele astea ciudate? Amândoi încetară să se zbată, tăcură, lăsându-şi inimile să bată atât de puternic încât zgomotele puteau fi auzite în întreaga cameră.
-Uite cât de speriaţi sunt! Isis, vezi? Întrebă Sonya vizibil amuzată de situaţie.
-Nu trebuie să vă fie teamă. Noi nu suntem aici să vă facem rău. Vrem doar respect şi linişte, vrem doar să închideţi orice altă legătură cu exteriorul. Uitaţi absolut tot ce sunteţi, tot ce aţi învăţat până acum şi deschideţi-vă complet mintea şi simţurile. E timpul pentru lecţia de istorie!
-Până nu atingeţi amândoi starea necesară nu vom începe bineînţeles! Spuse Sonya lăsând mâinile jos.
Atât Dana cât şi Axe nu ascultaseră absolut niciun cuvânt din gura lui Isis şi încercau din răsputeri să scape din starea de imobilitate. Roşcata o privea încruntată pe Sonya, clar iritată de situaţie, venele începând să i se umfle în întreg corpul. Îşi concentră toată puetrea şi furia şi reuşi să scoată câteva cuvinte:
-Ce dracu sunteţi?!
-Ghizi spirituali pentru voi. Răspunse Isis zâmbind. Degeaba te enervezi. Chiar dacă ştii că ai o latură divină şi puternică nu o poţi controla acum. Haideţi, intraţi în hora noastră şi veţi vedea că nu vorbim aiurea. Relaxaţi-vă!
-Credeţi că am mai sta să vă luăm cu vorba dacă vă voiam răul?! Întrebă Sonya stând cu mâinile încucişate la piept.
-Uite... Vă place rock-ul? Să ascultăm o piesă liniştită şi să ne relaxăm cu toţii. De nicăieri muzica începu să cânte. Era o piesă calmă, cuvintele solistei mângâind uşor şi călduros urechile tinerilor şi parcă obligându-i să uite orice necaz, manipulându-i să se calmeze.
Axe închise ochii mânat de vocea plăcută din piesă şi instantaneu pătrunse într-un alt univers. Universul său, universul numit Axe. El era Soarele în jurul căruia se învârtea ceilalţi, el era nucleul tuturor lucrurilor, el era atotştiutorul, el era viaţa. O fulgerare îl trezi înapoi la realitate căci într-o secundă îşi văzu absolut toată viaţa de până acum. Singura chestie ciudată era că o privea din exterior, observându-se pe sine. Deschise ochii şi văzu pe feţele celor 2 femei bucurie, ambele radiind lumină. Îşi mută privirea spre Dana şi o văzu şi pe ea radiind a fericire, o văzu mai frumoasă ca niciodată, strălucitoare precum o zână fermecată.
-Bravo! Aţi făcut şi pasul ăsta!
-Mhm! Spuneţi-mi, ce vedeţi în jurul nostru? Întrebă Sonya depărtându-şi puţin mâinile de corp.
-O lumină ciudată dar extrem de plăcută vederii. Replică Dana uimită. Şi Axe emană acelaşi lucru!
-Mda, e aura noastră presupun. Spuse băiatul oarecum neimpresionat.
-Exact Axe. Orice om are aşa ceva doar că doar 0,1% din ei pot vedea ce vedeţi voi acum. Clarifică Isis situaţia prompt.
-Ştiţi cât la sută din capacitatea creierului foloseşte un om normal pentru activităţile de zi cu zi? Întrebă Sonya.
-Doar 10%. Răspunse Dana fără a ezita.
-Restul doarme. 90% din capacitatea intelectuală a omului stă şi taie frunză la câini. Aşa de mare e risipa, atât de mult din potenţialul său aruncă un om normal pe apa sâmbetei.
-Bine. Voi două sunteţi şcolite, inteligente şi chestii de genu dar locuiţi sub un deal, izolate de lume. Ce spuneaţi de irosirea capacităţilor?! În loc să şedeţi aici indiferente în propria zonă de comfort ieşiţi acolo! Urlă Axe arătând cu degetul spre pădure. Ieşiţi din cocioaba asta şi schimbaţi ceva în căcatul ăsta de lume. Dintre noi 4, eu sunt singurul care timp de 20 de ani a crescut printre javre pe 2 picioare, a trecut prin situaţii de căcat, a fost făcut să creadă că totul se rezumă la bani, a fost trădat, înşelat şi călcat în picioare. Cu siguranţă întreaga omenire a apucat-o pe drumul greşit dar dacă stăm şi ne doare în cur de ceilalţi nu suntem cu nimic mai buni decât un om de rând!
-Axe... Oftă adânc Isis încrucişându-şi mâinile la piept şi privind în stânga, spre podea. Tu ai spus mai devreme ca o dată ce capeţi puteri mari capeţi şi responsabilităţi pe măsură. Ei bine, eu aş mai adăuga că te alegi şi cu pericole mari. Lumea despre care vorbeşti tu e un nimic. De-aş sta să mă gândesc, oamenii de rând sunt cei fericiţi, nu noi două.
-Axe... Interveni şi Sonya ce-l privi fix în ochi. Eu şi sora mea suntem pe tărâmul ăsta de atât de mult timp încât...
-Încât abia acum ne-am hotărât să acţionăm. Suntem la fel de bătrâne ca însuşi dealul dar mai fricoase ca nişte viermi, mai speriate ca un iepure în farurile unei maşini. O întrerupse Isis pe sora sa geamănă mutându-şi privirea spre băiat.
-Fraţii cei mari ai omenirii îşi dau acum osteneala să ne pregătească pentru apropiatul mare pas care ne va ţine trează conştiinţa şi ne va alunga frica de moarte. Aceasta ne va ajuta să îmbinăm fizicul cu astralul într-o legătură atât de strânsă încât să se formeze, de fapt, un singur plan de conştiinţă. Se va ajunge astfel la o integritate a neamului omenesc cum n-a mai fost niciodată şi aceasta se va întâmpla o dată cu unificarea aspectelor planetare care-l va face pe om să stabilească legături operante şi frăţeşti cu toate celelalte vieţuitoare din univers. Planurile de existenţă vor fi unificate, precum sufletul cu trupul. Această unificare a fost deja efectuată între nivelul spiritual şi cel fizic, în cazul vostru şi trebuie să se efectueze între cel fizic şi cel astral pentru a vă atinge adevăratul potenţial. Credeţi că un muncitorde rând stă cu gândul la aşa ceva?! De aţi ştii cu ce ne vom confrunta aţi înţelege cât de mare este responsabilitatea noastră!
Cuvintele ce ieşiră din gura Soniei îi lăsară mască pe cei 2 adolescenţi. Seriozitatea cu care le rosti le dădu de înţeles că cele 2 femei nu sunt două ţăcănite care vorbesc despre paranormal. Punând la socoteală şi lucrurile la care fură martori în ultimele 24 de ore, Axe şi Dana începură să simtă o energie interioară supremă. Începură să creadă.
Va continua...
8/16/2010
'Riot' - Chapter II: Iniţierea [ Episodul 8]
Jerry luă bucata de hârtie în mână şi o privi îndelung spunându-şi în gând 'Luci, sper că-ţi trece prin capul ăla sec să citeşti lista!'. Bărbabtul se dădu mai aproape de ea şi aruncă o privire căutând numele lui Soso. O singură însemnare era pe ziua respectivă. Acesta din urmă ieşise acum 15 minute şi se întoarse înapoi cu câteva minute înainte să ajungă ei aici. 'Clar, ştiam eu că nu se poate să fie Soso! A ieşit după ţigări mai mult ca sigur.' îşi spuse Luci.
-Da. Vă mulţumim nenea Gelu! Spuse bărbatul.
-Cu plăcere! E totul în regulă? Întrebă bătrânelul pe un ton indiferent în timp ce punea foaia la locul ei pe raftul de sub birou.
-Da, totul e în regulă. Replică Jerry ce deja se deplasa spre lift curioasă ce era trecut pe listă.
Luci o urmă îndeaproape, îl salută încă o dată pe nea' Gelu şi apăsă butonul etichetat III, uşile liftului închizându-se instantaneu. Jerry aşteptă doar câteva clipe şi opri liftul între etaje.
-Deci? Ce ai văzut? Întrebă ea în şoaptă.
-Soso a ieşit acum 15 minute şi s-a întors înapoi în fix 7 minute. S-a dus după ţigări zic eu...
-Ţigări pe naiba! De parcă în 7 minute nu ai timp să dai un telefon sau să uploadezi fişiere... Hai Luci, cască ochii fir-ar să fie! Soso e cel pe care-l căutăm!
-Eu mă îndoiesc... Îl sunăm pe David şi vedem care e şi părerea lui, okay? Spuse bărbatul păstrând un ton calm şi o voce şoptită.
-Bine, hai înapoi în biroul lui! Jerry apăsă butonul de pornire şi liftul plecă instantaneu, ajungând la destinaţie după scurt timp.
Păşiră amândoi afară din lift şi Luci se opri speriat pentru o fracţiune de secundă, lucru simţit de Jerry. Totuşi bărbatul îşi continuă mersul aşa că femeia îl urmă calmă. 'Ah! E Soso pe hol, fumează!' îşi spuse ea în gând simţind miros de tutun.
-Salut Soso! Care-i treaba? Întrebă Luci afişând un zâmbet fals.
-La o ţigară. Voi?
-Eh, treburi... Poker diseară?
-Abia aştept! Replică Soso scuturându-şi ţigara pentru a da scrumul în scrumiera mică de lângă uşă. Vine şi Jerry cumva?
-Da, da. Mai mult ca sigur! Spuse femeia pe un ton sarcastic. Mi-e milă de voi, nu am de gând să vă iau toţi banii.
-Ah! Foarte frumos din partea ta scumpo! Spuse Soso privindu-i pe cei doi îndepărtându-se şi intrând în biroul lui David.
Luci închise uşa rapid.
-Hai în camera cealaltă.
-E izolată fonic, ştiu. Spuse Jerry pe un ton ciudat.
De îndată ce bărbatul închise uşa, femeia se întoarse spre el.
-Nu ai observat nimic ciudat la el?
-Nu, nu chiar... Spuse Luci intrigat.
-Parcă nu era normalul Soso. El nu mi-ar fi spus niciodată 'scumpo'... Pe lângă asta, inima lui bătea ciudat.
-Adică?
-Bătea mult prea încet... Ca şi cum ar mai avea puţin şi s-ar opri, ca şi cum se agăţa de ultimele fire de energie din trupul său. Iar vocea lui...
-Jerry... Te înţeleg că vrei să-l prindem pe trădător cu orice preţ. Crede-mă şi eu îmi doresc acelaşi lucru. Dar totuşi, hai să ne mai gândim puţin înainte să fim siguri de ceva.
-Ce vrei să spui?
-Exagerezi! În mintea ta, în momentul de faţă, Soso e vinovatul. Aşa că îi găseşti tot felul de chestii care să-l incrimineze...
-Pe naiba! Vorbesc foarte serios... În vocea lui era ceva schimbat, ceva ciudat... Ca şi cum ar fi vorbit altcineva pentru el.
-Mda. Îl sun pe David. Spuse Luci pe un ton ce îi dăduse femeii de înţeles că spune baliverne.
Nervoasă Jerry scoase telefonul rapid din buzunarul blugilor, rostise numele şefului şi duse aparatul la ureche. Luci avu instinctul de a se apropia de ea dar realiză că liniştea din cameră i-ar fi permis să audă absolut tot ce va spune David. Sunetul de apelare se auzi şi inima femeii începu să bată mai repede, ca şi cum ar avea emoţii.
-Bună Jerry, ce faci? Răspunse David cu o voce sobră.
-Bună David! Sunt cu Luci, stăm la masă liniştiţi şi bucuroşi că avem o mică vacanţă.
-Înţeleg. Te ascult.
-M-a informat cumnăţelul tău referitor la bănuielile tale. Te aprob şi am şi un fericit nominalizat pentru tine.
-Cine? Spuse David grăbit şi intrigat.
-Soso.
-Soso?! Puţin probabil, e de prea mult timp cu noi. Nu cred.
-Ascultă-mă puţin. În urmă cu 20 de minute a ieşit din sediu şi s-a întors înapoi după alte 7. Sunt mai mult ca sigură că a avut timp să dea un telefon sau să folosească orice alt mijloc de transmitere a informaţiei.
-Bun. Omorâţi-l!
Femeia tăcu brusc, trupul său rămânând nemişcat ca o stană de piatră. Luci care auzise absolut totul rămase mască de-asemenea, căscând ochii cât cepele şi privind-o pe Jerry ca pe o fantomă. Aceasta din urmă sesiză rapid uimirea pe care o emana bărbatul şi îşi mută 'privirea' spre el.
-David... Spuse ea fără pic de intonaţie. Dar... nu avem dovezi clare. Totuşi, dacă îl omorâm degeaba?
-Jerry, nu ne permitem să ezităm când e vorba de trădători!
-Lasă-ne să mai cercetăm puţin. Se poate să mă înşel, Soso poate ieşise doar după un pachet de ţigări...
-Cu el aţi vorbit? Întrebă David pe un ton serios ce aducea mai mult a ordin decât a întrebare.
-Da... Aici sunt confuză... Era ceva diferit la el...
-Ce anume?
-Mi-a spus 'scumpo'. Ştii că el e mereu umil şi respectuos...
-Aşa...
-Pe lângă asta era ceva ciudat cu vocea lui...
-Inima cum îi bătea?
Jerry se blocă iarăşi. Luci care privea pe pereţi gânditor tresări, iar întreaga cameră se cufundă într-o linişte de mormânt.
-Jerry! Reluă David. Cum îi bătea inima te-am întrebat! Ştiu că poţi simţi asa ceva... Răspunde-mi!
-Foarte încet, foarte rar... De parcă...
-Mai avea puţin şi murea...
-Da... Cum?! Ce?!
-Luci e în zonă nu?
-Da, aude absolut tot ce vorbim.
-Perfect. Ascultaţi-mă cu atenţie! Închizi telefonul imediat, vă gândiţi amândoi la meciul de baschet şi să credeţi cu tărie că acolo plecaţi, după care vă urcaţi în maşină şi fugiţi fără să priviţi în urmă! Ne-am înţeles?!
-David! Ce...
-Luci! Ţipă bărbatul prin telefon.
Unchiul lui Axe tresări şi acţionă instantaneu. Luă rapid telefonul din mâna femeii, îl închise complet şi se îndreptă spre uşă.
-Hai Jerry!
-Da...
Deschise uşa grăbit şi fixă cu ochii cheile din bolul transparent de pe birou; cheile de la maşină. Ţinând-o de mână pe femeia nevăzătoare se îndreptă spre uşa care dădea în hol, supraalimentat de adrenalină. O deschise şi tresări, fapt ce o făcu pe Jerry să devină de 10 ori mai alertă. 'Soso!' îşi spuse ea în gând depistând vibraţiile slabe emise de inima bărbatului, încercând din răsputeri să rămână calmă şi să se gândească la meciul de baschet.
-Hei Luci! Bună Jerry! Ce faceţi? Încotro? Întrebă trădătorul.
-Salut Soso! Spuse Luci cu o voce calmă şi o stăpânire de sine ce o uimi pe femeie. Mergem la un meci de baschet, Jerry vrea să 'vadă' unul de foarte mult timp şi ne-am gândit că ăsta e momentul perfect.
-Ah! Eu voiam să vă întreb dacă vreţi să ne antrenăm puţin, să simulăm o situaţie reală ceva... Nu am mai făcut mişcare de ceva timp... Ce zici Jerry? Întrebă Soso mişcându-şi capul într-o parte pentru a o vedea pe femeie ce se ascundea în spatele lui Luci.
-Regret Soso! Poate după ce ne întoarcem... De foarte mult timp vreau să ies, să simt ce mai e prin lume, să mă port şi eu ca ă nevăzătoare normală, de rând. Meciul ăsta de baschet e primul pas şi deja suntem în întârziere...
-Of! Bine atunci. Măcar promiteţi-mi că după ce se termină baschetul veniţi repede să ne punem oleacă muşchii în mişcare...
-Okay Soso! S-a făcut! Diseară poker, nu uita! Spuse Luci strecurându-se pe lângă trădător şi zâmbind convingător.
-Ţi-am zis că abia aştept! Spuse bărbatul vesel.
-Pa!
-Pa Luci! Distracţie plăcută scumpo! Vă aştept!
Cei doi se îndreptară grăbiţi spre lift gândindu-se doar la meciuri de baschet, jucători, bătăi ale mingii şi coşuri. Intrară înăuntru şi Jerry răsuflă uşurată.
-Luci! Se auzi vocea sobră a lui Soso de pe hol.
Amândoi tresăriră şi pulsurile începură să alerge ca nişte cai speriaţi.
-Zii repede Soso! Replică bărbatul ce contra aşteptărilor lui Jerry reuşi să-şi păstreze calmul.
-Să nu cheltuieşti prea mult! Diseară vreau să mă îmbogăţesc!
Luci nu spuse nimic. Afişă un zâmbet călduros şi ridică mâna stângă salutându-l pe Soso în timp ce cu dreapta apăsă butonul de plecare a liftului.
Va urma...
-Da. Vă mulţumim nenea Gelu! Spuse bărbatul.
-Cu plăcere! E totul în regulă? Întrebă bătrânelul pe un ton indiferent în timp ce punea foaia la locul ei pe raftul de sub birou.
-Da, totul e în regulă. Replică Jerry ce deja se deplasa spre lift curioasă ce era trecut pe listă.
Luci o urmă îndeaproape, îl salută încă o dată pe nea' Gelu şi apăsă butonul etichetat III, uşile liftului închizându-se instantaneu. Jerry aşteptă doar câteva clipe şi opri liftul între etaje.
-Deci? Ce ai văzut? Întrebă ea în şoaptă.
-Soso a ieşit acum 15 minute şi s-a întors înapoi în fix 7 minute. S-a dus după ţigări zic eu...
-Ţigări pe naiba! De parcă în 7 minute nu ai timp să dai un telefon sau să uploadezi fişiere... Hai Luci, cască ochii fir-ar să fie! Soso e cel pe care-l căutăm!
-Eu mă îndoiesc... Îl sunăm pe David şi vedem care e şi părerea lui, okay? Spuse bărbatul păstrând un ton calm şi o voce şoptită.
-Bine, hai înapoi în biroul lui! Jerry apăsă butonul de pornire şi liftul plecă instantaneu, ajungând la destinaţie după scurt timp.
Păşiră amândoi afară din lift şi Luci se opri speriat pentru o fracţiune de secundă, lucru simţit de Jerry. Totuşi bărbatul îşi continuă mersul aşa că femeia îl urmă calmă. 'Ah! E Soso pe hol, fumează!' îşi spuse ea în gând simţind miros de tutun.
-Salut Soso! Care-i treaba? Întrebă Luci afişând un zâmbet fals.
-La o ţigară. Voi?
-Eh, treburi... Poker diseară?
-Abia aştept! Replică Soso scuturându-şi ţigara pentru a da scrumul în scrumiera mică de lângă uşă. Vine şi Jerry cumva?
-Da, da. Mai mult ca sigur! Spuse femeia pe un ton sarcastic. Mi-e milă de voi, nu am de gând să vă iau toţi banii.
-Ah! Foarte frumos din partea ta scumpo! Spuse Soso privindu-i pe cei doi îndepărtându-se şi intrând în biroul lui David.
Luci închise uşa rapid.
-Hai în camera cealaltă.
-E izolată fonic, ştiu. Spuse Jerry pe un ton ciudat.
De îndată ce bărbatul închise uşa, femeia se întoarse spre el.
-Nu ai observat nimic ciudat la el?
-Nu, nu chiar... Spuse Luci intrigat.
-Parcă nu era normalul Soso. El nu mi-ar fi spus niciodată 'scumpo'... Pe lângă asta, inima lui bătea ciudat.
-Adică?
-Bătea mult prea încet... Ca şi cum ar mai avea puţin şi s-ar opri, ca şi cum se agăţa de ultimele fire de energie din trupul său. Iar vocea lui...
-Jerry... Te înţeleg că vrei să-l prindem pe trădător cu orice preţ. Crede-mă şi eu îmi doresc acelaşi lucru. Dar totuşi, hai să ne mai gândim puţin înainte să fim siguri de ceva.
-Ce vrei să spui?
-Exagerezi! În mintea ta, în momentul de faţă, Soso e vinovatul. Aşa că îi găseşti tot felul de chestii care să-l incrimineze...
-Pe naiba! Vorbesc foarte serios... În vocea lui era ceva schimbat, ceva ciudat... Ca şi cum ar fi vorbit altcineva pentru el.
-Mda. Îl sun pe David. Spuse Luci pe un ton ce îi dăduse femeii de înţeles că spune baliverne.
Nervoasă Jerry scoase telefonul rapid din buzunarul blugilor, rostise numele şefului şi duse aparatul la ureche. Luci avu instinctul de a se apropia de ea dar realiză că liniştea din cameră i-ar fi permis să audă absolut tot ce va spune David. Sunetul de apelare se auzi şi inima femeii începu să bată mai repede, ca şi cum ar avea emoţii.
-Bună Jerry, ce faci? Răspunse David cu o voce sobră.
-Bună David! Sunt cu Luci, stăm la masă liniştiţi şi bucuroşi că avem o mică vacanţă.
-Înţeleg. Te ascult.
-M-a informat cumnăţelul tău referitor la bănuielile tale. Te aprob şi am şi un fericit nominalizat pentru tine.
-Cine? Spuse David grăbit şi intrigat.
-Soso.
-Soso?! Puţin probabil, e de prea mult timp cu noi. Nu cred.
-Ascultă-mă puţin. În urmă cu 20 de minute a ieşit din sediu şi s-a întors înapoi după alte 7. Sunt mai mult ca sigură că a avut timp să dea un telefon sau să folosească orice alt mijloc de transmitere a informaţiei.
-Bun. Omorâţi-l!
Femeia tăcu brusc, trupul său rămânând nemişcat ca o stană de piatră. Luci care auzise absolut totul rămase mască de-asemenea, căscând ochii cât cepele şi privind-o pe Jerry ca pe o fantomă. Aceasta din urmă sesiză rapid uimirea pe care o emana bărbatul şi îşi mută 'privirea' spre el.
-David... Spuse ea fără pic de intonaţie. Dar... nu avem dovezi clare. Totuşi, dacă îl omorâm degeaba?
-Jerry, nu ne permitem să ezităm când e vorba de trădători!
-Lasă-ne să mai cercetăm puţin. Se poate să mă înşel, Soso poate ieşise doar după un pachet de ţigări...
-Cu el aţi vorbit? Întrebă David pe un ton serios ce aducea mai mult a ordin decât a întrebare.
-Da... Aici sunt confuză... Era ceva diferit la el...
-Ce anume?
-Mi-a spus 'scumpo'. Ştii că el e mereu umil şi respectuos...
-Aşa...
-Pe lângă asta era ceva ciudat cu vocea lui...
-Inima cum îi bătea?
Jerry se blocă iarăşi. Luci care privea pe pereţi gânditor tresări, iar întreaga cameră se cufundă într-o linişte de mormânt.
-Jerry! Reluă David. Cum îi bătea inima te-am întrebat! Ştiu că poţi simţi asa ceva... Răspunde-mi!
-Foarte încet, foarte rar... De parcă...
-Mai avea puţin şi murea...
-Da... Cum?! Ce?!
-Luci e în zonă nu?
-Da, aude absolut tot ce vorbim.
-Perfect. Ascultaţi-mă cu atenţie! Închizi telefonul imediat, vă gândiţi amândoi la meciul de baschet şi să credeţi cu tărie că acolo plecaţi, după care vă urcaţi în maşină şi fugiţi fără să priviţi în urmă! Ne-am înţeles?!
-David! Ce...
-Luci! Ţipă bărbatul prin telefon.
Unchiul lui Axe tresări şi acţionă instantaneu. Luă rapid telefonul din mâna femeii, îl închise complet şi se îndreptă spre uşă.
-Hai Jerry!
-Da...
Deschise uşa grăbit şi fixă cu ochii cheile din bolul transparent de pe birou; cheile de la maşină. Ţinând-o de mână pe femeia nevăzătoare se îndreptă spre uşa care dădea în hol, supraalimentat de adrenalină. O deschise şi tresări, fapt ce o făcu pe Jerry să devină de 10 ori mai alertă. 'Soso!' îşi spuse ea în gând depistând vibraţiile slabe emise de inima bărbatului, încercând din răsputeri să rămână calmă şi să se gândească la meciul de baschet.
-Hei Luci! Bună Jerry! Ce faceţi? Încotro? Întrebă trădătorul.
-Salut Soso! Spuse Luci cu o voce calmă şi o stăpânire de sine ce o uimi pe femeie. Mergem la un meci de baschet, Jerry vrea să 'vadă' unul de foarte mult timp şi ne-am gândit că ăsta e momentul perfect.
-Ah! Eu voiam să vă întreb dacă vreţi să ne antrenăm puţin, să simulăm o situaţie reală ceva... Nu am mai făcut mişcare de ceva timp... Ce zici Jerry? Întrebă Soso mişcându-şi capul într-o parte pentru a o vedea pe femeie ce se ascundea în spatele lui Luci.
-Regret Soso! Poate după ce ne întoarcem... De foarte mult timp vreau să ies, să simt ce mai e prin lume, să mă port şi eu ca ă nevăzătoare normală, de rând. Meciul ăsta de baschet e primul pas şi deja suntem în întârziere...
-Of! Bine atunci. Măcar promiteţi-mi că după ce se termină baschetul veniţi repede să ne punem oleacă muşchii în mişcare...
-Okay Soso! S-a făcut! Diseară poker, nu uita! Spuse Luci strecurându-se pe lângă trădător şi zâmbind convingător.
-Ţi-am zis că abia aştept! Spuse bărbatul vesel.
-Pa!
-Pa Luci! Distracţie plăcută scumpo! Vă aştept!
Cei doi se îndreptară grăbiţi spre lift gândindu-se doar la meciuri de baschet, jucători, bătăi ale mingii şi coşuri. Intrară înăuntru şi Jerry răsuflă uşurată.
-Luci! Se auzi vocea sobră a lui Soso de pe hol.
Amândoi tresăriră şi pulsurile începură să alerge ca nişte cai speriaţi.
-Zii repede Soso! Replică bărbatul ce contra aşteptărilor lui Jerry reuşi să-şi păstreze calmul.
-Să nu cheltuieşti prea mult! Diseară vreau să mă îmbogăţesc!
Luci nu spuse nimic. Afişă un zâmbet călduros şi ridică mâna stângă salutându-l pe Soso în timp ce cu dreapta apăsă butonul de plecare a liftului.
Va urma...
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