The friendship theory

In my view, just some basics shit I found out in 22 summers. (FYI: I will replace ‘don’t’ with ‘dun’)

If you dun already know this it’s a fucking MUST to have friends. Also it’s fucking hard to find real friends and keep them. Humans are sociable beings that will always be more extraordinary when working together. If you dun believe me just have a look through history and see that 90% of the great things we know/have were accomplished by teamwork. However I’m not going to talk about teamwork here. I just want express my personal opinion about friendship and a personal theory regarding how to find buddies or people to talk to; if you accomplished this you’ve made the first step towards finding friends (yes! Friend does not equal buddy or pal).

First of all you should avoid being a smart-ass, even if you are a genius, if you read 10 times more than the others. People usually hate to stand corrected by other people their own age or classmates. Actually, scratch that ‘usually'... People HATE to stand corrected by other people their own age or by classmates.

Second, try to blend in. Most of the time the others won’t discriminate you for your looks, clothing style or if you have a funny accent. Have a look around you and see how the others behave, what are their habits and stuff like that and adjust yourself to the ‘environment’. If everybody’s laughing and having a good time don’t be a fun breaker by raising your eye-brown and walking away and also if everybody is talking about a certain theme not related to school or daily activities don’t interrupt with questions regarding school, homework, work, meetings no matter what. You risk getting ignored or getting an unsatisfying answer.

Educate yourself. You must know that people love gossip. People will always talk behind one’s back, make jokes and laugh if one is, let’s say unpopular. Nevertheless, the unpopular ones will always make jokes about the popular ones but that’s not my point here. What I’m trying to say is that eventually these jokes become obvious and you can tell when they make fun of you. You just gotta read their body language and notice the way they react when you ask something or if they laugh when you say a joke, or the speed that they change from the subject proposed by you to a totally different one.

Search! Unlike your parents, you can choose your friends. Have a look around you and try to notice the people that act in the same way you do, that like to do the same things you do, that have something-no matter how tiny that something is- in common with you. In this way you have a much higher chance of getting to know that person(s) in a much easier way.

Dun be a fucking social retard! If you see someone new that’s sitting silent in the back of the room dun rush ahead with that stupid retarded type smile and say “Hi, my name is... !”. People that dun want to talk with other people because they have a bad day or whatever, have a big sign above their heads saying that. Read it for fuck sake! Also dun try too much to be like the others. For example if everybody near you tells funny jokes about poop or whatever and you have something in mind that doesn’t sound quite funny, keep it there and keep listening and laughing. And if you see the others laughing their ass off dun be afraid to go with the flow and laugh your ass off as well. Just a simple smile will tell them that you didn’t quite like that certain joke.

Cursing. If the people you talk with like to use dirty words you should do it as well-do not cross the line thou, there’s a fine line between cool cursing and being a retard that always uses ‘my dick’('Pula mea' pe româneşte). By refraining from this you obviously show that you’re not quite one of them, that you dun like to have fun the same way they do. On the other way around, if they use an elevate way of talking and dun like vulgar words, dun use them because you’ll offend them.

Read people! If you’ve just met someone and the next day he/she doesn’t come to ask you ‘How are you?’ and hangs out with somebody else that did the same thing, it means they hate something about you. No, most likely there’s nothing wrong with you but you just dun bond and most likely you never will. Get over it quickly...

Dislikes. If the group of people you’re hanging with dislike someone/something do the same even if it means being a hypocrite. Most of the time you’ll find out they were right about that thing/person all along. Doing different will most of the time get you slowly rejected.

Be yourself but... It is best to show your true personality from the beginning, your flaws, your qualities or whatever you decide. Every person has dark secrets so d’oh! Dun show them all as some of them may be considered disgusting or you could be judged for them in a wrong way. Also, try to find a balance in exposing your entire personality as people tend to like mysterious, more or less hard to read persons.

Go with the flow! If the ones you’re hanging out with decide to do something crazy you should do it as well if you enjoy the time spent with them. It’s all about bonding and people tend to bond a lot when being happy or drunk or whatever. It’s all about special moments, moments that will live forever.

Danger’s lurking! It’s more or less dangerous to have a really close friend of the other sex. Most of the time, if you’re in a relationship or if the other person is, you’ll find qualities in her/him that you like more than in your girlfriend/boyfriend thus the danger to get hurt appears. Dun even think to go around expressing your feelings because that will fucking ruin everything and you’ll lose a good friend. Yes, I’m talking from experience here and yes this mostly affects boys as in if a girl will say that she likes a dude too much they will end up having sex but it could end with someone getting hurt as well. Rarely thou...

Smoking... I’m not saying you should smoke. Hell no, it’s fucking expensive! But smoking is the activity that will most likely get you to know people, it’s a sociable activity, no doubt about that. The topics discussed at a cigarette dun usually involve school or work meaning that this makes people bond and obviously that smoking all the time around the same people will get you buddies because you sometimes run outta smokes, you sometimes need a lighter or maybe you have a cool type of tobacco that the others would love to try. In case you’re a smoker shit is easy: find the other smokers and you won some friends/buddies or whatever you want to call them.

Just for dudes: shaking hands. It’s common to shake hands (at least in Romania) with the other dudes you know or are in a group where you know 1 dude (Yes for fuck sake! When you salute one dude from a group, shake hands with the others as well! Or dun shake hands with anyone) make sure you apply the correct pressure to the other one’s hand. Dun squeeze it too hard because sometimes it fucking sucks! He doesn’t fucking care you’re a strong stud and that muscles poor out of your body! Also about the salutation ways... If you consider shaking hands with another dude by doing 5 moves that involve the actual hand shaking you should stop it. Two ways are more than enough, more than two will more or less make you look strange or even gay considering you like to feel another dude’s hand so much time. Also about verbal salutation, especially when leaving... If the other dudes say “Good luck!” (Baftă! sau Noroc! in romanian) dun fucking say “Buh-bye!”( gen “papaaaa”). Just a simple manly “Bye” or “See you!” or the traditional “Ciao!” will do the trick.

Last but not least: dun try too hard! If you’re trying too much to fit in or to look pleasant for the others they will most of the time consider you fake and this will make them grow in confidence and reject you even more. If it doesn’t quite work from the first or second time leave it as it is and you may become a some sort of mysterious person that will raise their curiosity thus increasing your chances to get to know them eventually. It’s simple sometimes, even if the others reject you, a simple moment can make them change their mind and accept you arms wide open...

There you have it, my personal view about making friends/buddies or whatever. Most of the things I wrote come from personal experiences but more of them are written by observing others. Also, please dun get offended by anything (I have no idea by what you could get offended), I apologize in advance in case I hurt anyone’s feelings. And to conclude, there’s actually no certain rules you should obey in order to get friends, there’s no actual theory to follow; who likes you the way you are, with your flaws, qualities and sick ideas is the right person for a friend.

Remember, after you found some friends, the battle to keep them as close friends begins. Trust me, it's a battle, a challenge and it is loooooooong...