Failed attempts at living simple life [part 2]

Years passed, I was evolving more and more, getting stronger, taller and getting new abilities: i was able to pronounce words! Oh the joy i felt! It was so amazing to be able to say what you wanted, where does it hurt, when you're hungry... But above all it was amazing to be able to pronounce my own name: Alexander. Ih, i forgot to mention that the creature i was telling you about is a woman called Sandra. She says i'm 3 years old now and that my eyes are blue and that i'm a big boy and that big boys don't cry anymore and they don't pee their pants and that they eat whatever they can find in the house. Too bad she's not much around...
I usually play with plastic toys all day long and watch TV. Sandra always tells me to watch a channel with cartoons but for a reason i don't know yet, i love another channel. They talk there all day long about humans, about buildings, about a thing called past and about history... Sandra says that i shouldn't be watching that because boys my age watch cartoons. "But i'm a big boy Sandra! I can watch whatever i like!" And then she slaps me... And starts to scream at me, and curse me and pour all her rage upon me. At first i cried but i found out fast it has no use... She was right about one thing: i'm a big boy and i won't cry! Never again!
And then i reached the age of five... Staying home alone that much had its benefits: i was able to read and write and i long forgotten my plastic toys, i was eating different combination of food and at a certain point i even learned to cook using the gas oven. I also learned some crushing things while watching TV: boys my age were supposed to have parents... Parents as in two. Well, i only have Sandra...
At the age of 6 i never called someone mum or dad or grandma or grandpa... I've searched almost everywhere in the house but couldn't find anything about my parents... I had no friends and i was never allowed to go outside and play; Sandra was taking me with her only during the might after she came back from work. It was a short, 5 minutes walk to the supermarket and back. I was still alone...
At a certain point in that year Sandra took me with her saying "We will go to a funeral, a good friend of mine died and i want to see her for one last time". I was so excited that i was going to leave the house during the day, that i was able to see people, cars, flowers but most of all i was excited to see a cemetery! I always considered that cemeteries are living history... That's where the oldest people rest... I was going to be awesome!
All my joy perished when i saw Sandra's friend in the coffin. She was a beautiful woman, much much more beautiful than Sandra, with blond hair and beautiful skin. Thou she looked different, she was pale. Her chest was not moving at all and altough people were making an awful amount of noise around her it seemed she was not disturbed... Sandra took my hand and we both walked closer to the coffin. When we got there Sandra put some flowers in the coffin and she just froze, starring at the sleeping blond in front of us. In that moment the entire chamber became quiet and as i looked behind me all the other people left, unveiling another person sleeping in another coffin in the right corner. "So they weren't friends of the blond woman!" i said to myself and then got back to Sandra who was still frozen.
-Why is she sleeping here? It's really cold... Sandra didn't even blink. Shouldn't we have brought a blanket for her? I asked...
-She's dead you stupid kid! She's not breathing, she's all cold and frozen! She's dead! End of story, lifeless!
That's when it hit me... In a cemetery old people don't rest. Their bodies are buried... They don't just sleep forever... They died, their souls left their bodies... And then i felt the strangest feeling ever... It wasn't fear, it wasn't sorrow, it wasn't pain... I put my left hand over my chest and felt my heart beating. The thought of it stopping one day, the thought of me not existing amymore, the pain, the loneliness were beyond grotesque. Soon after i came to this world i found myself alone and i will eventually end up alone...

To be continued...