Failed attempts at living simple life [part 4]

Well, it's officially now, i have no parents. No wonder i don't feel or act like ordinary kids my age... No wonder i feel alone even in the most crowded places.
Summer is here and i saw on TV that kids that are 7 years old need to sign-up for school. How can i do this when Sandra is gone all day long and drunk when at home? I wonder if the people from school will accept my application if i go alone there... But i'd better try to ask Sandra first... Actually no, i won't. I'm a big boy, it's time to do things myself. People are mean...
I took Sandra's key from her purse after she got home. Strange, tonight she brought back home the same dude as 2 nights ago, the same guy that slapped her a few months ago, the same man that gave me money for my birthday. Anyway, where should i hide this key? She must not find it! Where does she never looks? Actually... Hmm... What if i just put it behind the books on my desk? She will most likely think i hid it very well and search the most hidden spots in the house when in fact the key will be in such an obvious place... I'm a genius!
-It's morning, wake up Alexander! I said to myself.
My eyes are wide open because i know what's my purpose for today! I will go to school and sign myself up for the 1st grade and then stay outside. Today will be the first day of the rest of my life! It's time to do things my way!
I just ate and now i'm getting dressed. I need to take a backpack with me and grab a few important things. I need to be back home by 7 so i will take a clock, i always get hungry around 12 so i'll grab a sandwich too... Oh, crap! I forgot there's nothing left to make a sandwich with... Oh well, i won't starve to death in a day. I'll take an umbrella too although i don't feel like it will rain...
I need to close the door with the key after i leave the house so that no stranger can walk in. Awesome! Just a few stairs left and i'll be on my way towards school. The weather is just lovely, although it's cloudy, i can feel the sun shining up there just for me, embracing my heart. Okay now, my first milestone: crossing the street. I have to be careful and... Now's the time! Run Alexander! Run!
Finally i'm here! The school is such a huge building! So many windows and such big entrance doors! I'll take a deep breath and go inside! I'm in front of the office where parents sign-up their kids for school. Hmmm, on these notes the main word seems to be tutor... Huston, we may have a problem! Anyway, i won't back down, not now! A short knock on the door and i step inside.
-Good day! I said joyful.
-Hi sweety! A readhead woman, old but good looking, with a lot of jewels saluted me.
-I would like to sign up as a pupil for my first year of school. I'm 7 years old and my name is Alexander, this is my birth certificate.
-Oh, honey, but where is your mommy, or your daddy?
-I have no idea, i don't think i have any parents at all... I couldn't help not looking down when i said this. No matter how strong i want to look, the fact that i have no parents still makes me sad.
-And where do you live sweety?
-Just across the street, at that flat over there! I pointed enthusiastic through the window.
The lady followed my finger and took a short look out of the window. Then she turned back at me, smiled, ran her hand through my hair and invited me to sit down on a chair. After that she went close to her colleague and they started talking in a really silent whisper, so silent that the sound of the fans from the computer were blocking my hearing. After like 2 minutes she finally remembered about me:
-Alexander... She paused and looked at the phone.
-Yes madam.
-Do you like chocolate? I think i have a lot of it in the drawer.
-Yes, i love chocolate! I also like chocolate cakes but i never ate either of them...
-What? Ha-ha-ha! So how do you know you like it?
-I just feel that way when looking at TV commercials about chocolate... Where does she want to get with these questions? Is she going to give me the damn chocolate or not?
-Ah, okay then! She smiled so warm... Here you go, eat all you can Alexander!
-Thank you! Oh the joy i felt! Nobody has ever been so kind to me, nobody showed me such a warm smile before, nobody else ever ran her hand through my hair so kindly! I almost feel like asking her if she wants to be my mum! Chocolate is sooo good! And she gave me so much of it! I have no idea why she's talking at the phone so much and frankly i don't even care! I like her very much and i feel that i can trust her! Ah, she finally hung up. Yay, she's smiling again! She'd be perfect as a mother, i want her to be my mother really really really bad!
-Alexander, you do know that if you eat too much chocolate you get sick, don't you? She asked but her words went right through me, i was simply mesmerized!
I just responded with a smile, finished chewing and then asked:
-Can you please sign me up for school? I want to study, i want to learn new things!
-Of course sweety! Just wait here 5 minutes. I'll be right back.
I didn't wanted her to go... I wanted her close to me all the time, she's amazing! But i guess i'll be happier when she comes back...
And she did come back but in 10 minutes. And she was not alone. Two other tall and ugly women came alone. The redhead lady, that i adore so much is pointing at me and the two ugly women are walking towards me smiling in a strange way. They picked me up and took me out of the office.
-What's going on? I just want to sign up for school! I screamed... Although i don't know why i did this, i am not scared at all.
-Calm down, we're taking you to a safe place where you will be taken care of... Said the ugly woman.
-But... My eyes froze on the lady from the office, the lady that gave me chocolate, the lady that i wanted to be my mum. I can see her smiling still and waving but her smile is not warm anymore... Her smile is evil and dark, her eyes and face emit satisfaction... She is happy that these ugly women are taking me away! Fuck youuuuuuuuu! I shouted my heart out as they were dragging me out of the school.

To be continued...

Failed attempts at living simple life [part 3]

It took me a while to leave behind my 'eureka' moment and continue life like a regular kid. I was almost 7 now and i still had no friends. I wasn't quite doing the things kids my age do, i had no father and moments when i was happy were rare. History was the one thing i loved more than my name, Alexander. I had the same name as a great ruler!
Sandra is starting to walk on a bad path from what i see. I was seeing her drunk a lot. She was going to work early in the morning and when she got back home she was all drunk and smelly. She was also bringing a lot of strangers in the house and they were always spending the nights over. It seems they made her happy because she was smiling a lot, but what do they see at her? She's really ugly...
I am 7 now! It's actually my birthday! It's like 8 in the morning and i just can't sleep anymore! I've never been so excited , i've never been so happy!Of course Sandra's at work so i have the entire home just for me, the perfect day! I can feel angels blessing me, i can hear birds singing beautiful songs just for me, i can see the mighty sun sending tons of beautiful, warm embraces just for my heart!
I spent all that day alone in the house, doing whatever i wanted, watching TV, reading, listening to music, drawing, everything... Then night came... Sandra came back from work with a man. They were both drunk and apparently extremely happy. I've closed my bedroom door because i hate the strangers that she brings at home. Anyway after an hour or so i heard a loud bang and Sandra started crying. My heart skipped a heartbeat and i rushed to her bedroom door...
-Sandra, are you okay? I asked.
-Is that your kid? A manly voice answered.
-No, Sandra said crying.
Then the door opened and the ugliest man i've ever seen walked out, gave me some money, smiled and left. Sandra was in bed, still crying with her palms covering her face. I asked her if she's okay one more time but she didn't answered me... I was just standing there really confused. In a way i am really concerned but what i'm feeling right now can be described as rage. Rage for the fact that Sandra brought whatever happened on herself. Suddenly she stood up and stared at me with her red eyes and a bad bruise on her left cheek. Obviously the stranger slapped her...
-Gimme the money he gave you! She screamed.
-But i want to buy a book with them, it's my birthday today and this is the only 'present' i got so far... That's when i realized the irony: Sandra never bought me a present but a stranger gave me money on the day i turned 7.
She slapped me really hard before i could even blink. I've put my right hand over the burning cheek and i felt something evil growing inside me. Sandra searched through my pockets and took the money, walked 3 paces away then turned back.
-You stupid kid, i don't care if it's your birthday and i will never get you a present. Listen well! She grabbed my shoulders and squeezed them hard. I am not your mother, i just took you for the money i get for raising you! And then she walked out the door.
Surprisingly i wasn't sad because she said that... I had a feeling me and Sandra are not related.

To be continued...

Failed attempts at living simple life [part 2]

Years passed, I was evolving more and more, getting stronger, taller and getting new abilities: i was able to pronounce words! Oh the joy i felt! It was so amazing to be able to say what you wanted, where does it hurt, when you're hungry... But above all it was amazing to be able to pronounce my own name: Alexander. Ih, i forgot to mention that the creature i was telling you about is a woman called Sandra. She says i'm 3 years old now and that my eyes are blue and that i'm a big boy and that big boys don't cry anymore and they don't pee their pants and that they eat whatever they can find in the house. Too bad she's not much around...
I usually play with plastic toys all day long and watch TV. Sandra always tells me to watch a channel with cartoons but for a reason i don't know yet, i love another channel. They talk there all day long about humans, about buildings, about a thing called past and about history... Sandra says that i shouldn't be watching that because boys my age watch cartoons. "But i'm a big boy Sandra! I can watch whatever i like!" And then she slaps me... And starts to scream at me, and curse me and pour all her rage upon me. At first i cried but i found out fast it has no use... She was right about one thing: i'm a big boy and i won't cry! Never again!
And then i reached the age of five... Staying home alone that much had its benefits: i was able to read and write and i long forgotten my plastic toys, i was eating different combination of food and at a certain point i even learned to cook using the gas oven. I also learned some crushing things while watching TV: boys my age were supposed to have parents... Parents as in two. Well, i only have Sandra...
At the age of 6 i never called someone mum or dad or grandma or grandpa... I've searched almost everywhere in the house but couldn't find anything about my parents... I had no friends and i was never allowed to go outside and play; Sandra was taking me with her only during the might after she came back from work. It was a short, 5 minutes walk to the supermarket and back. I was still alone...
At a certain point in that year Sandra took me with her saying "We will go to a funeral, a good friend of mine died and i want to see her for one last time". I was so excited that i was going to leave the house during the day, that i was able to see people, cars, flowers but most of all i was excited to see a cemetery! I always considered that cemeteries are living history... That's where the oldest people rest... I was going to be awesome!
All my joy perished when i saw Sandra's friend in the coffin. She was a beautiful woman, much much more beautiful than Sandra, with blond hair and beautiful skin. Thou she looked different, she was pale. Her chest was not moving at all and altough people were making an awful amount of noise around her it seemed she was not disturbed... Sandra took my hand and we both walked closer to the coffin. When we got there Sandra put some flowers in the coffin and she just froze, starring at the sleeping blond in front of us. In that moment the entire chamber became quiet and as i looked behind me all the other people left, unveiling another person sleeping in another coffin in the right corner. "So they weren't friends of the blond woman!" i said to myself and then got back to Sandra who was still frozen.
-Why is she sleeping here? It's really cold... Sandra didn't even blink. Shouldn't we have brought a blanket for her? I asked...
-She's dead you stupid kid! She's not breathing, she's all cold and frozen! She's dead! End of story, lifeless!
That's when it hit me... In a cemetery old people don't rest. Their bodies are buried... They don't just sleep forever... They died, their souls left their bodies... And then i felt the strangest feeling ever... It wasn't fear, it wasn't sorrow, it wasn't pain... I put my left hand over my chest and felt my heart beating. The thought of it stopping one day, the thought of me not existing amymore, the pain, the loneliness were beyond grotesque. Soon after i came to this world i found myself alone and i will eventually end up alone...

To be continued...

Failed attempts at living simple life

I really want to get out of here! I just can't spend one more second in this place, i want to move my feet more, i want to stretch them as far as i can, i want to wave my hands around! Get me out of here! What?! ... Who's pushing me?! Actually nevermind that, keep pushing, don't stop, i can see a light! Yes!
All i felt was pain, unimaginable pain. I just couldn't help myself not crying, my soul was crying with all its power. The light was so strong... The powerful noise blasted my ears with the sound of one thousand lightnings and i could understand one word, the most awesome word i ever heard... Actually the first word i ever heard: Alexander. I have no idea who pronounced it but it came like a beautiful whisper with a gentle and warm touch, embracing my soul: Alexander. A huge creature grabbed me and rapped me in a fabric so tight that i wasn't even able to do the things i wanted the most before leaving that warm place. I wasn't able to move. I got out but i was still trapped...
Days passed and from time to time different huge creatures were setting me free for a few moments just to wrap me up again and put me into misery. I had no idea what this place was, i had no idea in what language the creatures were talking, i couldn't see anything else than some blurry colors, everything was one huge mystery. I was crying a lot, actually whenever i wanted something or when i felt a certain pain. I figured that the creatures were understanding my sorrow because they came by my side after i was starting to cry. Strange...
A lot of time passed and i felt myself evolving. The blurry colors became brighter and i could distinguish faces. Also my hearing became better and i started to hear so often the one word that i loved so much: Alexander. The creatures were repeating it so many times!
I have no idea how much time i've spent in that place sleeping, eating, kicking my feet, laughing at the way the other creatures were looking at me making silly faces but i know that it was a lot. At a certain point probably the most ugly creature i've seen in my life came by my side and pronounced 'Alexander'. I felt a strange desire to smile but i didn't. The it picked me up and started walking with me. That was the first time i felt fear and just starting crying. The creature took me far away, far, far away from that place where i felt so good and we traveled for so long that i fell asleep. When i woke up i was in a room so dark that i couldn't distinguish anything. For the first time crying didn't make any creature come close to me... I was alone.

To be continued...